Wednesday, January 21, 2009

be the change, now change your sheets!

how exciting was yesterday?! even if we all can't agree on politics [which i love], you have to agree that the President's speech just gave you little butterflies of [i can't find a better word] Hope all in your belly, if you cared to listen to it. it was relieving and gave me good feelings all day. not to mention, i imagined how hungover my boyfriend was in D.C. that day, which made me laugh. what did yesterday do to you? i've already read some posts, but surely there's more. did you cry? did you care? did you drink too much and walk around in D.C. hungover before your performance like someone's man?

i have a cold. don't ask me how i went from recovering from my fever to catching a cold. my roomie just had a fever, so now i'm dousing the apartment in Lysol. i fell asleep one night with my vibrator running and woke up--and it still was on! i could have burned my clitoris off! what would my doctor have said?

and this is funny. absolutely funny:
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Heavily Tripping

Andy tripped along rapturously. He was on his way to meet his lover, Cherry, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a clown hopping along, carrying a box of wine in its mouth.

Andy was almost by the balls when he came across a horny cake, lying alone on a soap-scented plate. "That must be a treat from my peppery bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked chunky, so he ate it.

It gave him the most with abandon tingling sensation in his ass. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Cherry.
When Cherry came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Andy cried covertly.
"Your collar bone! And your inside of the elbow!" Cherry said. "They're intense! Can't you feel it?"
Andy felt his collar bone and his inside of the elbow. They were indeed quite intense. "Oh, no!" Andy said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that horny cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Cherry said. "I got you a coffee mug. It must have been that vagina-oriented man who lives nearby. He acts a little morbidly, ever since he pat a hair pin."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Andy sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Cherry said speedily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your collar bone is really luminous like that."
"Really?" Andy dried her tears. Andy kissed Cherry and it was an entirely green sensation, like rats in a cornfield.

They spent the night having entirely green sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.

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and before you ask: NO, i'm not any crazier than usual. i went here to create this drabble! it's fun!

and pictures! The Slut Hut! or my apartment. still decorating and organizing.


10 comments:

  1. Haha, I love those crazy story generator things. :D

    I am so happy Obama is president, now. I heard Bush left him a letter; I wonder what it said? I'm thinking of funny stuff, though. Like maybe a picture of a pony.

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  2. tee hee your apartment is quite lovely! And yes, I did feel the hope in the air!

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  3. yaya for Obama! And LOLZ to the drabble, I went and made some of my own and will definitely be including choice quotes in my next blog post. :P

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  4. haha I love your posts...you're hilarious. interesting dystopian (that's the word i think fits)society you had there.

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  5. That story made me LMAO in class lol... You got me in trouble! xDDD

    OMFG, dude you seriously could've burned it off! Don't do that!! xD

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  6. There should be a disclaimer up on top saying "Don't eat while you're reading this. You may die."
    I was eating a pop tart while reading this post, and I was laughing so uncontrollably, I almost chocked (and died) on a piece. Ah, Cherry, Cherry. I always get my dose of laughter when I read these delectable posts of yours.

    (Oh yes. Everyone has been asking me about the toilet paper lady. I was watching the Tyra Banks Show, and this lady had a toilet paper eating disorder. It was intriguing. Great conversation starter.)

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  7. Cute story. (=

    I was a little annoyed by how many times everyone mentioned God at the inauguration.

    Your apartment is very nice. I love pink too. ♥

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  8. "Burned my clitoris off" hahaha.

    I recently went on a Lysol frenzy too, it's like everyone at work has gotten sick in the past week, apart from me. So I'm doing everything I can except from actually living in a bubble.

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  9. Hey! You're tagged! Write 10 random things about yourself and tag 7 other people!

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  10. 1. Each blogger must post these rules first.
    2. Each blogger starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
    3. Blogger that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things.
    4. At the end of your blog,you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
    5. Don't forget to leave them a comment, telling them that they've been tagged and to read your blog.

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Think about how it feels before you submit--my only policy. And check back for responses/replies! I strongly encourage and often give feedback!