nic sheff, mon semblable, mon frere!

life.com

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. you have quickly become one of my admired authors. one of my heroes so swiftly. your memoire had me swooning when i wasn't cringing. you are a literary young man--i hope i do not insult you by noting that you regard my allusion to Mr. T. S. Elliott, however i may have misspelled his iconic name.

i am unapologetic in my signature practice of the utilization of absent capitalizations and arcane spellings. and obsessions with anything worthy. anything beautiful.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
you don't blog anymore publicly. i would have been honoured to snoop some more at:

New Dawn Transmission - Nic Sheff's Journal of Recovery

you are accomplished and published. you are such, SUCH the "beautiful boy" that your father waxes on in pride, nevertheless.
can i flirt with you by saying that i am published as as well? i am a sad young literary woman? my teachers in high school all cried at my graduation (literally and quite audibly enough to ruin my picture) when i announced that i would be pursuing medical school? that i am envisioning myself to be a younger Anne Rice writing creepy semi-fictitious tales from my old hometown in Yazoo City, Mississippi -- full of its witch, ghosts, and walking-dead residents? the history, the names, the graves, the families, the locations... all are emblazoned in my brain from reality, and i'm weaving them into something that my aunt frankly claims will be a "Best-motherfruckin'-Seller!" and i'm pretty. and i'm single. and i don't think it weird of you to think of a young girl's scarred wrists as "hot". i've got scars of my own, but surely the both of of us have grown up some for our own sakes. and yeah, i admit that i know the ways of a drug seizing control of all of my body--in all too familiar of a way that you have gone into detail about in Tweak. i'm only preserving some of my modesty. and flirting. i know Effexor, Seroquel, Lexapro, Klonopin, in-patient stays, dismissals, a broken engagement to be married, despair, and the whirlwind cycle that we are always in and never taming. me for more than half of my 22 year-old life. oh, boy.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
where have you gone? are you alive and well? alive as an artist. a beautiful man? it seems as f you are so imminent and transcendent at the same time, like celebrities are, like God is. but don't listen to me preach to you for one second. because, you know. you hate that sort of thing. and who said that i would be good at it anyway? 

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
how tall are you? who do you doubt your attractive appearance? how deep is your voice? can i touch your fun-looking hair? do you like petite, teeny-tiny, intelligent, well-read, discerning, triumphant, victorious young ladies (younger than you) with a taste for the grotesque and the existential with a load of rude adulterations thrown inside? what do you think that we could talk about? i like to imagine that we have walked a road not too far diverged. i like to think that i like boys who are as singularly unique as quirky as i am. boys who won't ever be understood no matter how many pages they pen. i like boys that i know because i know the ways of myself. and i am a Libra with merciless charms and a hopeless inclinations to romance and relations. (or, you know, an email and some correspondence)

did i mention that i am pretty? that i am an ex-Hooters Girl building my life up into something after University gilded and worthy. beauty from the ashes attributing to my stained lungs.aged enough to date you or, just post about my fanship.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. mon semblable, mon frere! would that we could talk.... maybe when i am published again, you could shake my hand or give me a hug. maybe i'm going to sit up a little more and wake up now. and when anyone asks me why i'm giggling for no obvious reason, i'll just click my tongue and giggle some more.

would that we could share anything. "everything."

here's hoping to a good Google ranking and your intrigue. i'm a fan. only because i know both value and worth. and isn't it the saying that goes: it takes one to know one? 
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to be, to be!

Magic -- sxc.hu

i've got my wretched Lady Days. a friend of mine of any length unfortunately knows that i always readily divulge such details. and quite regularly, i am not surprised at how my friends eagerly share with me and our other friends that they, too, are similarly afflicted. kind of like that time when we all talked about our vaginas. that's right, You! i didn't forget! we share stories about us crying, yelling, being gassy, and just plain ole acting like a bitch to anyone within a yard's radius of us. we should all count it as luck to be separated from one another via monitor screen and such at times.

i've been a bloated mess, but i feel unusually inspired to play around in my digitally-created world. i've been catching up with all of you, smiling at your stories, laughing at your pictures... i swear it's been something painful as missing a best friend.

so, "To be, or not to be?" as with the question of Hamlet's inaction. i am being active in today. Kotex has done a lovely job with their marketing of products. at the store from which i was purchasing them, the cashier forgot to ring me up for my tampons and liners, she left them at the back of the belt. the man in line behind me pointed it out to my cashier, and she apologized, but i would have none of it. i had forgotten my things also! i laughed it off heartily saying that i was ready to pay for them at her convenience; and besides, they surely didn't belong to the man behind me! the whole line laughed, and my positive mood was catching like flu.

right now, i'm listening to my Pandora station. it's full of Placebo (of course, you know me), Muse, Interpol, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, etc. it's divine. and that "bit" older man in the picture in the last post happens to love my taste in music--and just about everything. "I don't mean to rush things here, BUT we should totally get married tomorrow and have babies--just saying..." his words. haha, but God knows i'd never blindly step into ANOTHER proposal again. and by the way, last year's Valentine's Day, i found myself at the end of an engagement to a man whom i childishly loved with EVERYTHING inside of myself. and this year, the day right after Valentine's Day, i find myself on a hot date with a man who says that he sees "another engagement happening." oh, my! i do not lie when i remark on how marvelously "must-have" i am. and haven't i told you that before?

ah, Pandora has just played "Obstacle 1" by Interpol. just, YES. my hair is silky straight and shiny. and i have managed a few, long, blonde streaks into my natural bob. i'm excited for my date tomorrow. i hate to date myself unnecessarily. but the man is a 30 year old who has taught at the same junior high and high schools that my brothers went to. and he's best friends with my high school Calculus teacher's husband. this is both weird and not. 30 is not too old for me. indeed, i still have a pair of shiny, black pumps hiding over a 28 year old Doctor B's apartment over in River City after i left them one weekend. ah, i'm bad!

while i'm still fueled with my vitamins, better diet, less smoking, and new medicines from my doctor, i'll resume catching up with all of you, my lovely dolls. and if you've noticed that i haven't been by to check on you in a while, it might be because i have an incorrect link, or don't have one at all. "Follow" my blog and be sure that your profile is linked to a current, active link to you. or comment below to fill me in. i am ever amazed at my growing Followers list and your lovely, encouraging reviews of appreciation. peek them at the top right in the sidebar. and, of course, i can't wait to meet some more of my friends to have a blast with! i'll be right here for y'all. with glitter confetti and poetry. make my day, and watch me make yours.

"Goodnight, sweet ladies, goodnight." i think that this is Shakespeare also--Hamlet, even. Ophelia? or maybe it is from Romeo and Juliet. hmmm.

*and have you peeped my most recent addition to my viewer content? (most recently added is my very massive and extended, self-help gift of an article for you, "Being Happy, Feeling Good -- Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!" originally Premium Content, i gladly decided to offer it freely!)*

i miss y'all!!! KIM, LIZ, ESTERA, ALL!!! xoxo
and from what i've been reading, some of y'all have had some very envy-inducing Valentine's Days! Lucky Ones! i'm jealous :-D 
glitter confetti and love poems,

Being Happy, Feeling Good

 Being Happy, Feeling Good

“Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!”

a massive, original article by ♥cherry at RousingVenus.co.cc

(not to be re-sold or used for profit without explicit consent given from the author, cherry, at www.rousingvenus.co.cc)

This is my first article in what is surely to be a series of premium, downloadable content.

(i was originally going to let this go for from $3-$5, but i feel too inspired to share. click "go on" below..) 

returning with smiles.

i nearly forgot how absolutely good it feels to post here among my friends--both the old bitches and the new ones.
i got a check in the mail recently from one of my friends who makes it useless for me to have enemies. he owed me a bunch of money in parking tickets when i left my car in his care for a weekend. haha! he's such an asshole and wrote out the check in both of my names :)

Pay To: Cheniece "Cherry" Smith

 

i've been getting a lot of positive feedback from people. especially about my January 4th post on Mental Illness--namely Depression. i got a "love letter" from a guy! how cool is that? i don't have his permission to share it, so i'll try to respect him as much as possible while i do this:

"Thank you for your Jan.4 post about depression. I have been struggling

with depression and ocd since I was 13. Now I am 35 - have a family

and a job, but it is a lifelong struggle. I thought you made Some

excellent observations. On a second note, you are very beautiful and

lively. Looking at your eyes is a pleasurable as reading your content.

My blog is at ___________.blogspot.com. - don't be frightened by the

one pic of me (I was "Joker" for halloween)" -- An Awesome Guy

"OH, that makes me so happy to get positive feedback! that made me smile so big--PLUS, i'm glad that you liked my observations [and my eyes, apparently :) ] i can't wait to dive into your blog... nice Joker face, by the way! "Why So Serious????" -- Myself to Awesome Guy

this sort of thing makes me feel so good.
i have a party to go to now. can you imagine me riding around with balloons AND a dog in my car? it happened. i have to be off. catch up soon. xoxo

ciao,

not nearly dead.

i'm not dead, my loves--my doves.
rather, i've been a little human, and have fallen to being completely dull and uninspired.

until now that is!
breakups cannot stop me! car wrecks have not killed me! even having cramps will only slow me down for a couple of days... i'm immensely powerful!
and i'm busier now that i've taken the time to work on my book. imagine this: excuses to travel to Yazoo City for sight-seeing disguised as "research." easy $60 in gas last week already.

i'll be back and better than before, as goes the way with progression. give it time. i'm giving Myself time... "One heartbeat, at a time."

can't wait to catch up with you all via your respective blogs and such. be expecting a load of love and comments coming from me in your direction over the next couple of days (or so).

xoxo

random web development nocturnal emissions.

this is more for my reasoning and decision-making. but if you've been thinking about moving to your own free domain, then it's worth a looking into.

i love being fancy and progressive, so i readily housed my dear blog/lifestream at a TLD--a dot.tk. dot.tk has been around for ages, and i have used their services to rename my various projects to somethingwickedcoolivecreated.tk and the like. i love it. it's free. what's not to love?

the only thing is that you must manage to acquire at least 25 hits per three months at your new and lovely dot.tk domain. frankly and without desiring to appear like a brag (for once), this has never been hard for me to do. in fact, if i wasn't getting, or planning to get, such hits, i probably wouldn't bother with owning a domain.

at dot.tk, i have full DNS control, which only means that i get myname.tk, plus me@myname.tk email addresses, subdomains, etc. i'm thinking of paying $20 to legally own the domain and to preserve it for two years, which is not at all bad.

but, hey--co.cc does the same thing freely. as in free. no renewal fees. completely easy to understand. and get this--NO MINIMUM TRAFFIC REQUIREMENTS. it's one less thing to consider, which i completely support. you get ALL of the same perks, a domain (not a top-level one, but still very impressive appearing), email, subdomains (think about how much your friends would love for you to host them at your domain and give them a subdomain of yours!--www.yourfriend.yourdomain.co.cc), full legal rights (which dot.tk doesn't give freely), no forced ads or favicons... it's just great really.

this has been my experience with what i truly consider to be the best free methods of owning your own domain out there. with both places, you can fancily establish your web presence in a way that demands more respect, add your own favicon that shows up in bookmarks and in the address bar like i have done (see me up there?), you can truly have fun with taking the creation of your web presence to the next level.

i'm Libran, and i have an awful time with decisions. i can never make up my mind. but don't be surprised if i announce my relocation to "myawesomeblog.co.cc" soon. and i encourage anyone who is interested to consider moving to their own domains as well, even if only for the reason that it is just SO much fun to do. i'll answer any questions and offer any suggestions to you along the way. when have i ever steered you wrongly? ;-)

positively pulling...

ohmygosh! 

i keep eyeing my Followers gadget in my sidebar to the right, and i get startled and SO thrilled each time i find myself welcoming and reading the latest posts by another new friend of mine! it feels so good to make the friends that i have always wanted to make. it is so lovely for the things of my desires to be drawn unto me effortlessly... thank you, to all of my Loves--my followers. Liz, Kim, Jayla, Cass, etc (don't you dare fight each other, you are listed in no particular order). you truly are the raddest people on the planet. and thank you to the Universe for moving things into place for my benefit and for the benefit of those in my life! i get a kick out of just looking around and witnessing my magickal, positive vibrations rubbing off and transferring themselves to my friends and making big moves in the name of Love, Power, and Magick.

stick with me, and who knows what we may accomplish!

sxc.hu

i fell in love with some prose penned by one of my blogger friends, Jayla, just today. i know that i'm supposed to be waiting for her consent to share her work, but i can't fight my urge to let it flow from her, to me, and to you:

"Burst" by Jayla

I feel like I'm going to burst, because I need you

I'm not sure who you are, but I need to know soon

The waiting can't get any longer, and the temptations grow stronger each day.

Why can't they understand that I am no longer a baby, but a young woman with true feelings.

I feel like I will burst any minute, I am so filled with love, yet no one to share it with.

And when I am finally able to release that love, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

isn't that just so nice to read? it feels like being at the brink of falling upon the greatest adventure of her life so far! this hobbit does indeed go on adventures, and she could not be afraid of old, white-haired wizards coming to her door with mischief up their long sleeves. i'm a huge nerd, yes. i can completely envision Bilbo Baggins' round, little green door to his home, with a golden doorknob directly in its centre... i can photographically recall blocks of my favorite literature from memory at the appropriate moments. it is one of my quirks that i absolutely LOVE! hmmm... watching LOTR, or re-reading some of the trilogy, should be added to my agenda today. i feel inspired to get that done!

and i got the best Thank You email, ever, just yesterday from an amazing blogger whom i know in real life after i gave some of my most loving and helpful advice to her:

oh my word! I don’t even know where to begin!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the links, the advice, and especially the Love. Your email sat a smile on my face and a joy in my heart that nearly kept me awake all night. I’m violently eager to swan-dive into all these opportunities and even more to offer my wares to you.

So thank you for opening the door! And for your elaborate research into this Law of Attraction and other keys to Divinity. Your investigations are always so thorough and your zeal is sincere. I can totally tell!

that's Ka...--oops! i mean, Estera Star for you people! and she's quite the progressive and entertaining webmistress herself. she has a load of projects that she currently manages, and they're just great!

haha! i'm giggling because this post has taken up its own agenda and become an introduction/meet-up of sorts of my coolest friends. but it's bursting with good feelings pulling more good feelings unto itself. this is all that matters, really. it's the point of anything worthwhile. we all really only should be focusing on feeling our best so that we can then fully come into being our best.

"Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all Creation." -- Neville Goddard, New Thought Author

raise your glass!

"Speaking of Joy" by Marie Elliott

raise your glass--to yourself!

i was noticing my growing number of followers, and i got put into a dancing mood after commenting over at cassidy's space. she's the newest addition here at our quaint, little club of raving and good feelings. and you truly have a fierce grasp on this whole Life thing, lady cass! go you! everyone else should stop by and leave a bunch of love letters for her, too.

isn't it just lovely that Life can feel SO good? even if you aren't in that place for yourself (yet), you can't help but notice the magick that other people whom you might admire are making in their own lives, and thus believe in the power of truly being Alive and rocking your own existence. woo! it just gets me so much more fired up about being the best woman alive when i see other ladies doing it!

"your life is supposed to feel good. are you allowing it to be so?" 

when i took full responsibility for my experiences in my Life, i felt freedom for the first time. i took upon myself as my only job to be in complete control, not of external conditions, but of my reactions and my emotions. happiness is hardly about circumstances and genetics. it's more about our actions. and if you believe in the Law of Attraction at all, which you should, then this is just compounded and augmented.

"that which is like unto itself is drawn." this is the Law of Attraction/Law of Love. it is the basis of most religions and spiritual beliefs. there is a reason that love has been enthusiastically embraced and faithfully held on to since the beginning of Time itself. and that is because the more you emit love, the better your life becomes. and guess what? you have an unlimited supply of love to give ;-)

imagine this: you have a big wish. you have this one desire, and you absolutely are in love with the idea of it. you dream about it and daydream about it. you imagine what it would be like if it were already yours... and then you get it. haha! this is exactly the way life can work for you--if you know how to harness your latent abilities to go with the flow of the Universal Laws! we can fly in airplanes by not changing gravitational laws, but by working in harmony with them, right? make it your new mission to do the same with love in your own life. you truly can manifest your heart's desire right before your eyes--even in real time--if you are strong and focused enough. this is why i choose to lifestream; it's a method of powering up my good thoughts and feelings and focusing them on what i want, because then the positive pops up into my reality. a majority of the time, my life goes just as i intend it to go because i have trained my mind, and thus, designed my life to bring me my happiness! 

it's simple: spend your time loving things, and what you love is magnified in your life. spend your time resisting love and not allowing it, and you experience negative conditions. this is really the most important thing that i have learned. it's magnetic and pulling. it is real. love is an energy that moves in waves and currents, unseen just like electromagnetism.

and while i currently don't teach the Law of Attraction here at Rousing Venus, i AM a large enthusiast, and i have tons of resources. why not give it a good looking into--if only because it is the key to having everything you want, and creating and living the life of your dreams! imagine infinite joy and all of your wishes coming true. spiritual leaders and founders have taught that our lives can be abundant and blessed because this is a real possibility. an amazing life just doesn't belong to the people that we aspire to be. it can be yours right now--IF you know how to go about acquiring it. it is my business to live this phenomenon in my own life, and to enlighten you on awakening and wielding this latent magickal power of yours. 

• Jessica Mullen (she has such a grasp on manifesting her desires and proves it in her lifestream, and she teaches how to do it for yourself! she even began a School of Life Design for you to complete to more fully know how to wield this latent magickal power of yours!)
• The Secret and The Power (i'm sure that you have heard of these phenomenal books that are sweeping the world for a very, very good reason; it's not such a big "secret!")
• Jetta Vegas  (she also is a Seeker and a good teacher; her blog is full of the proof)

it is a major mission of mine to create for myself the life of my dreams and to feel like the greatest woman alive. and i post with the intention of my readers being encouraged and  finding the emotional resonance within themselves to do the same thing.  

productivity while walking the black dog.

i like smiling.

Sir Winston Churchill really has my heart, as he is noted for not only suffering with depression, but also for being a remarkable person despite still having to do what he called "walking the black dog."

if you know anything about me, there are some things that appear at the forefront: i'm quite tiny. i have a weird attraction to wigs when my real hair can be glamorous. i draw on my eyebrows with expertise. i love animals and books to the extreme. i have tried to dislike the color pink to avoid its connotations and failed time and time again. did i already mention my book collection?.. you should really see it; it really is impressive and pretty cool, too!..

what is also probably the saddest attribute that any living person can unfortunately find themselves expressing is that of depression--and that has been my tragedy for more than half of my life. depression is an umbrella term spanning an entire, gloomy spectrum of what in many cases becomes an all-too-real "disability" even. it really irks me when my own mother wasn't approved for Social Security benefits for her debilitating battle with depression that was handicapping her, and inhibiting her experiencing life. it is very much a "disorder." you cannot just "snap out of it." would someone who is autistic or M.R. be told to just "get over" their mental condition? not at all. and believe you me, i've run the gamut of trying to leave my dark secret behind, trying to forget it, only to be reminded that i am only human, and even if i am wearing Wonder Woman panties, i still need some help from time to time.

the reality here in our time-space experience is that even those afflicted with a mental condition such as depression can find themselves being swept up by the tides of an overwhelming and very consuming force of today's demanding life. the world does not stop turning and rotating, the days just keep coming, opportunities do not wait, and nothing is owed to you, or even offered your way very easily. and those who are not in a healthy state of mind, and who honestly cannot help that about themselves, often find themselves conquered and run over by this bittersweet run of progressing life. it can be so utterly painful that your feelings become even too sore for tears. and i won't even mention the darkest sides of this pain--the places that can lead to self-medicating, drug abuse, self-harm, and suicide. i'll only say that i have been blessed to find myself on the opposite side of this scale for the most part--no matter how much i have found myself hurting. yes, hand clap to myself! APPLAUSE!

and while i still have to work to not succumb to my lurking, dark feelings threatening to pull me under, i've realized that in order to really do this thing called living, i had take full responsibility for my experience here on Earth no matter what hand i have been dealt. i am not the only woman, by far, who has to carry some less-than-splendid loads around with her for much of her life. and in my recognizing this and my pockets being empty from my break from working, i just HAD to get back on the horse. nothing was being handed to me, everyone else had their own crises to contend with, and i had so much that i genuinely wanted to acquire for my life to make it all worthwhile. heh--i was still very sick and i had to get a job, all while walking that black dog of mine.

i had been working full-time (even in high school) because my mother is a disabled nurse who cannot provide as she used to, and because i'm a grown-ass woman who contributes when she can! with my little brothers in school, it's usually me who doing to providing. lots of people don't know this about me! my life is not all magick spells and love stories! it gets quite hard at times... and there are several valuable life lessons that i have learned about staying afloat from my full past of work experience. it has helped me stay afloat not only at different businesses, but also just from the day-to-day pulling of life's currents.

1. the reason people work is largely because they "have to." it's hardly ever falls to what is the easiest, most desirable thing. if you start to look at life as being full of things that you "have to" contend with, then it becomes easier to digest: you "have to" get out of bed and go about doing things. you really "have to" shower and take care of yourself. you "have to" be alive and here right now for whatever worthwhile reasons that keep you going. and it's very important that you find those reasons!
2. it gets easier with practice. remember how good you got at your last job after only a couple of weeks following the routine? remember how nervous you were on your first day compared to your feeling of relaxed expertise that you had later? life works exactly like that to. put in the time and the effort, and your progress will become apparent to you and those around you. and it gets easier, and it gets to feeling good!
3. distractions are lovely. anything to get you out of your mind in such  robotic, monotonous ways is such a relief! at my desk job, i had framed pictures of my family and my dumb-ass friends. i always used a pretty, pink pen. i loved to surround myself with live flowers and bright colors to remind myself of beautiful things which exist in abundance in our wide world, if i only took it upon myself to look. you can do this with the rest of your life too--spruce it up. inject your life with some vitality. we all know that just because you're alive, doesn't mean that you're living. research some new music. buy some chic clothes from the thrift store. start a walking circle in your neighborhood. get in your car and drive around town for no reason other than seeing the scenery outside and to be seen out in the world! i call this phenomenon "ornamenting" you life. light it up like Xmas lights. flash, flash, motherfuckers.
4. it all goes on, and you have to get what you can acquire. at work, it's a paycheck, or a check and tips for me right now. my job doesn't need me or owe me anything, however. i am putting myself in the situation to where i can benefit. i want the money and benefits, so i offer my labour. the job doesn't need me and will go on if i never show my face on there again--i can be replaced. it's rather harsh, but living is a lot like that too. the world's only job is to go on. it doesn't have to shine a ray of light only onto you. if you sleep your life away in bed, the seasons keep coming. there is however some beauty to this which makes for one amazingly bittersweet experience. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. we have all of the power in the world only over ourselves. we can choose to restrain ourselves just as easily as choosing our freedom. we can live while choosing to remain open to the beautiful, wonderful things that life can send in our direction. and the more of this you notice, the more it occurs. we can love as much as we can (which is an infinite amount), and harness the greatest power in the world! this alone, actually, is the purpose of life to many religious groups for plenty good reason. while harnessing love, all of the power in the world belongs to you. the more love you emit, the more your own, personal life is nourished and the more beautiful your own experience becomes. try to make your life as brilliant as it can possibly be... it's all up to you to choose that path--depression, mania, OCD, autism, whatever. now that feels good.

the bottom line is that at the end of it all, what you get out of your experience is only ever up to you. if you have a crappy life, you really can only blame yourself. it is never your parents' or your ex boyfriend's fault. conditions and environments are not your prison. they are a given. make your circumstances a springboard! and if it's any help, think of all of the other people who are on a similar journey and who have not given up, like me! give yourself a reason to smile again. of course the work begins inside, and it truly does get better the more you do it. and doctors and medications do have their very important place in the scheme of things, just as they do with any other condition/ailment/affliction/boo-boo. always be the first to help yourself, and other things follow accordingly. i promise!

love and love and LOVE,

rampage of appreciation!

ahhh! i feel so FULL-of-Love today. even after crying last night. you know--i cry so much more readily at the things flowing from beauty than i do for anything else. go ahead and try to make me cry; it just means that i'm falling in Love with you.

i'm blogging for pleasure, not for pressure; and, i support all the ladies (and occasional man who finds himself here) who do the same in their own lives. you rock so much! i Love it!

whoever said to "let a fever run its course" is on my Hit List. OH, i WILL murder you... you see, even if this resonates as all kinds of Truth in my very scientific mind, i am still a little off from appreciating it. my breath has that universal, disgusting tinge to it in the back of my throat, which is a gift from the bacteria of having a virus. i don't have a fever (thank Godforce), but my body is still warm (and not from energy manipulations). my tummy hurt all last night from being full of swirling flu violence. i yelled at my mommy and cried while i was dizzily walking into walls and tripping over animals.

please take hand sanitizer with you on all of your adventures this season! Victoria's Secret and Bath & Bodyworks have the cutest travel-sized anti-bacterial--and they always seem to be on sale (i should know) AND they smell like all kinds of divinity!

i am lining up my energy for not only work today, but for the entire day itself. with enough focus, i can almost mold my existence as from clay--but i prefer my life to meet me halfways. it makes for more of an adventure. i am practicing Loving more and more frequently. i am gathering an arsenal of things i Love for the next 30 days, and using this in my Creative Workshop, or my Life Laboratory, to overhaul my life even further. read: meditate my ass off with more realistic visualizations to aid in the effectiveness.

• i Love everyone whom i have added to my Google Reader: i can't wait to read and comment on all of your newest posts! it's a date! we will rendezvous then.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?
wouldn't it be nice if i could forget that i have a cold? wouldn't it be nice if my multivitamin had superpowers? wouldn't it be nice if i remembered that I have superpowers? wouldn't it be nice if used my meditation time like Clark Kent uses a telephone booth? wouldn't it be nice if i could get away with doing no laundry today? wouldn't it be nice if i had a lot more fun that i expected today?

no dis-ease of mine.

i really don't like to deal with jealous people. i don't like people who try and fail to manipulate my emotional health. i don't like sneaky people. i don't like hypocrites. and that's why i'm making this post--so i know exactly what type of person i don't want to be associated with. 

click to clearly see ip address, dates, destinations, and frequency
of recent visits from my dear and long-time persistent stalker friend.

i had originally intended this here lifestream of mine to remain, not private, but un-announced and very low-key. in fact, when i was designing an old header image for here, a FaceBook friend asked me for the link to my current project. i refused to share it, because i wasn't interested in outside attention because it had absolutely no significance in my life journey. i wasn't adverse to the idea of it being seen, or else i would have privatized it. but the fact remains, that if i had been seeking attention from the person who asked, or from anyone, then i would have given out my URL. but i didn't.

i logged into my counter service and found that not only was i getting popular, but i had an anonymous visitor from Belhaven University. this is very close to home, and it's also the university where the FaceBook user who asked me for my link goes to. could it be that they did some super snooping and research behind my back to look at my blog? it would be pretty hard to do, since i didn't even have my blog listed anywhere and not even linked on my profile then! i've obviously laughed about it and gone more public now, since then. this particular person used to stalk my previous blogging activities for a load of sad reasons, including to make sure that her boyfriend wasn't anywhere in my life. anytime he WAS there (and it was quite often that he decided to be), it was because he chose to. so, simply, she wasn't being satisfied at home by her man in some areas, and had to spend her time being worried about me. what a "life." NO ONE has a more significant place in my life than myself. there are no special place-holders. but i had a big place in this girl's life. and i still might, if it's her who was snooping. she sadly admitted to fear of losing her man to me, and also a sick fascination with trying to "be" me and to "top" me. this just proves to Myself how amazing that i really am. i must be, if others want my life! but this is my job, and my job only. not accepting applications. jealousy to the point of emulation is a disease. and it's something that this poor, poor soul has failed to resolve within herself.

i didn't assume what is probably true, and i commented on her blog asking about it. the comment was deleted. i asked her about it on FaceBook and got no response. i even posted this picture onto her wall, and now there is a privacy block in place. and her blog is private now. are all of these actions stemming from shame at being found out? is there a reluctance to accept her actions? i can't be bothered by it. i don't regret bringing any of it up, especially since my wishes were so obviously disregarded about a project that is in my possession. it's my right to show concern about my things if want to.

it's sad to see people not changing. it's pleasing to see how much more Well that i am when compared to them. everyone can say that it is correct to indulge so much in your OWN life, that you have no desire to be worried about the next person, but it takes a mature, strong adult to actually walk the walk. i would like to think that after all of the suffering that this person has miserably endured, that they would get the idea that their tactics do NOT work, and that they need to change already. what a tragedy.

thank you, Universe:

• i don't have a baby.
• i dumped the lousiest ex in the world.
• i don't use drugs to escape from my life because reality is too painful to face.
• i don't keep secrets or do things in the dark.
• i'm not obsessed with something outside of myself.
• nothing has a higher place in my life than myself.
• i'm not a huge hypocrite. 
• i don't have an insignificant significant other. 
• that i dumped my Stalker's husband because he wasn't man enough, and I'm absolutely thrilled to have done so.
• he begged to stay with me, would sneak and call me while his girlfriend was in class, and cry on the phone with me while he told me the sad secrets of his life. and it has absolutely no emotional resonance within me now. 
• i don't have to fist fight my lover because i'm miserable in my conditions. 
• my life is not a big joke to me everywhere i turn.
• my "husband" never talked about kicking me and his baby out on the street. and i still manage to stay by his side.
• I HAVE GOTTEN OVER THE PAST A LONG TIME AGO.

it must suck so much for your life to play out in refrain of the most painful part of your past life--day in and day out with no escape. i'm so happy that i'm not imprisoned in my past! i'm so happy that this is True and that i don't have to fake like it is, or cloud it over with drugs! i am so thankful for contrasting experiences to aid me in further knowing what it is that i DO want. i'm so thankful for such people as described above to be in my life, so i can use their mistakes and interaction to co-create an even better experience for myself. their only purpose is to help me to better visualize the life that i want and to achieve it.

i have gotten over the past a long time ago. i have triumphed through it all. if you can't be sure, just look at my life. look at what it is saying. how does your life speak of you? other people can always see it. let that always be on your mind. let it be something that's worth thinking about (or being obsessed about, like my life is).

ahh, mundane magic-making!

a pretty lady. can you see the Magick here? would that you could feel it!

i Love the support and admiration that i have been attracting to my lifestream! yes, please. more of this. thank you, authors of PSEUDOVISUAL and escribir la verdad, for stopping by with nice things to say/being interested in having blogger friends. both of you run very lovely blogs, and i have told you myself previously! if you'd like, i can link you within my "links and love" page, where all of my loves stay.

thank you, Universe, for being such a magickal force when we couple our reactions! that's REAL chemistry, for ya! i actually get deeply into feeling the Love that i feel for various subjects in my life, and it sends me right into my Vortex. i feel the Love, and the subjects of my Love get augmented. the more i give Love, the more Love is refracted unto Myself. it is so. 

i Love being friends with this 6-foot-five blonde man with blue eyes who can play the hell out of an AFI song on his guitar and who looks delicious when shirtless. i Love all of the good feelings that i have experienced from my entire assortment of friends, acquaintances, lovers, and even those who make me their arch nemesis. i am eternally grateful for the opportunity to co-create with them, for their insight, for their Love, and for any and all of their energies that they have so graciously donated and directed towards me. it's a gift. it's opportunity. it's ALL apart of helping me more fully become Who-I-Really-Am. so, whatever you may think of me, i'm saying thank you to the entire population of you! thank you, thank you, thank you, mes cheres. and whether you care for it or not, there is Big Love coming from me and being sent in your specific direction right now with immense force. i will not inhibit myself from loving. i will not. i will Love abundantly and in immense measure. there is no excess. there is no limit to the amount of Love that i can give, thus no limit to the heights that my life can approach. so, thanks for that also. Love, and love, and love forever.

but, yes--back to this hot man. i can only imagine the intense good feelings that will surely come from the Universe at work on my behalf surrounding this subject. i've got to take the emotional journey, and i undertake it very gladly!

dinner is here! it seems that i have attracted some french fries into my life after craving them for a while. this always happens to me when i become very connected to my Inner Being. the flow becomes infinitely synced for a while, and i'm deeply in the Vortex! folks ask in awe, What has happened to you?

i Love it: new Bliss!

Birth of Venus, but not by Botticelli--i forget this painter :-(

i Love the attention that i'm getting. i have drawn it upon myself. i love rendezvous-ing with old friends and reviving the fire of our friendship and affections. i love magic spells of the mundane putting smiles om my face and keeping me suspended. i Love being happy without drugs. i don't need to be high to radiate a good nature, use my particular vocabulary and diction, etc. my Vibrations are raised because of myself. i love that i'm all genuine, and the attention that i'm attracting is proof of the effectiveness. welcome, and even undesired, attention will be mine again now that i'm doing immensely good things with/in my Life, and that these things are actually working for me. AND it just adds fuel to my fire to improve upon what i have since established, which, in turn, just gives me more confidence and perfects my every next step. so thanks. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

thank you for my health and wellness. everything else is just details. thank you for the money that i have been saving for no particular reason. it must be a way for the Universe to bless me with something one day soon. thank you that i only have a very few, very minor expenses to ever consider. thank you that i have always been such a Good Example to follow and to emulate. thank you that i have finished the first installment/chapter of my Well-Being series; i should be launching it soon! thank you that my Life speaks for itself; thank you that what i'm doing is Good and it Works. thank you that relatively unimportant people, events. and circumstances are a source of amusement to me! thank you that i am falling way more in Love with my Life all over again each day--and that other people can't help but find themselves falling in love with my life too.

it's a University now.

thank you that my uncle gave me his last cigar. thank you that i've been reading some new manga. thank you that i've met a cool guy who likes that about me. thank you that my Life feels fresh and clean. thank you that i've been getting ready for the new and exciting things that are about to sweep me up. thank you that i know what's important to me, and that these are the only things that matter. thank you that focusing on these things will augment them: here's to more Very Good reasons to gain the attention of others, more things to love, and more things to be thankful for. it only gets better from here.

TiLT! [edited]

*now fixed for commenting!*

it's time for another lovely Things I Love Thursday! there is so much to pack into this list that i won't even try to fit in everything. i'll save some for friday. and saturday. and everyday because there's plenty to go around the entire week. woot, woot!

 

• my hair. i'm wearing my real hair now, which is amazingly long. i'm always surprised to see how far down my back it is when i remove the extensions.
• my blogger friends. i'm actually becoming quite fond of all of you bitches for some reason. y'all are just so great and pretty and fun! i just want to have a big party and bake cinnamon rolls for you while we watch Sons of Anarchy!
• my new commenting system. i hope that it isn't giving you any trouble. i know that typing in your email address is a chore, but Disqus allows for threading, which is just so cool! that means real replies instead of the @person convention! if you're interested in switching, go ahead and ask me about the experience.
  
• the fact that i can wear boots and a coat over my sundresses to winterize them. somebody's going to be cute, cute, cute tomorrow! do you do this already and does it make you feel extra feminine?
  
• one of my teachers joke flirting with me. while i was taking an exam. "You look different today [my freshly blown-out hair]! What are you doing later?" haha! you silly man!
  
• Andrew's grandmother sewing me a pink pillow! i really love her and all of my second family so much.
  
• my new, hot pink bra with a bell in the middle. you can hear me suspiciously jingling around corners... where is that coming from?
• and this new sex position that my old man and i have come up with. extra nice! excuse me for this isolated and candid emission.

anyone else who participates in Things I Love Thursday, link back to your own lists, or just tell me something nice! and it's almost the weekend! i hope everyone has some fun plans [or just some good sleep] lined up!

ciao!

TiLT

and go visit Gala @ iCiNG! she's a doll. i can't keep her wonderful webspace to myself forever. this is my first TiLT [things i love thursday]! here i go!
---
•Google Reader, which lets me subscribe to all of my favorite RSS updated websites from one place [blogs, twitters, campus and world news, literature assignments]. Googleverse in general because it's so dynamic and efficient! hel-lo!
•freshly manicured claws, er nails. double points for red paint!
•actually having time to experience breakfast incarnate as waffles!!!! WAFFLES!!!
being an ex-smoker, duh.
•flirting with beautiful [but socially inept] nerds.
realizing that eliminating a space for negativity in my life is quite beneficial to the whole progress thing, afterall. who woulda thunk?
•The South-a woman was killed in LA after deciding that the Klan was not the place for her and attempting to escape.
•meeting up with my platonic girlfriend over her apartment to watch Tommy Gavin Denis Leary Rescue Me while we "study."
•my job which gives me an excuse to wear hot office wear from the thrift store while i read Anne Rice or do homework!
•did i say something about hot nerds already? what about nerds who are 6'3 of lean muscle. oh, same thing!
•watching Fight Club for what seems like the sixth time in a month thanks to G4.
•YouTube playlists to listen to while i get ready for in the mornings! yesterday i got dressed and applied makeup to H. I. M., Joy Division [the Donnie Darko Halloween party song], Billy Idol, and the Danzig. badass!
•uh, my face? :D