"God Bless the Night"

A poem of mine, dug up from my dusty portfolio. I've been inspired to share. Penned in 2008:

"God Bless the Night"
God bless the night
when even our own bodies fail ourselves
And we sleep sick lovers

And dead dreamers

Ended in our fancies

And when each heart is mocked

By its warmth.

Blood may be ruddy and florid

But to see it is to die a little.
--Cheniece S. S.

nic sheff, mon semblable, mon frere!

life.com

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. you have quickly become one of my admired authors. one of my heroes so swiftly. your memoire had me swooning when i wasn't cringing. you are a literary young man--i hope i do not insult you by noting that you regard my allusion to Mr. T. S. Elliott, however i may have misspelled his iconic name.

i am unapologetic in my signature practice of the utilization of absent capitalizations and arcane spellings. and obsessions with anything worthy. anything beautiful.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
you don't blog anymore publicly. i would have been honoured to snoop some more at:

New Dawn Transmission - Nic Sheff's Journal of Recovery

you are accomplished and published. you are such, SUCH the "beautiful boy" that your father waxes on in pride, nevertheless.
can i flirt with you by saying that i am published as as well? i am a sad young literary woman? my teachers in high school all cried at my graduation (literally and quite audibly enough to ruin my picture) when i announced that i would be pursuing medical school? that i am envisioning myself to be a younger Anne Rice writing creepy semi-fictitious tales from my old hometown in Yazoo City, Mississippi -- full of its witch, ghosts, and walking-dead residents? the history, the names, the graves, the families, the locations... all are emblazoned in my brain from reality, and i'm weaving them into something that my aunt frankly claims will be a "Best-motherfruckin'-Seller!" and i'm pretty. and i'm single. and i don't think it weird of you to think of a young girl's scarred wrists as "hot". i've got scars of my own, but surely the both of of us have grown up some for our own sakes. and yeah, i admit that i know the ways of a drug seizing control of all of my body--in all too familiar of a way that you have gone into detail about in Tweak. i'm only preserving some of my modesty. and flirting. i know Effexor, Seroquel, Lexapro, Klonopin, in-patient stays, dismissals, a broken engagement to be married, despair, and the whirlwind cycle that we are always in and never taming. me for more than half of my 22 year-old life. oh, boy.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
where have you gone? are you alive and well? alive as an artist. a beautiful man? it seems as f you are so imminent and transcendent at the same time, like celebrities are, like God is. but don't listen to me preach to you for one second. because, you know. you hate that sort of thing. and who said that i would be good at it anyway? 

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
how tall are you? who do you doubt your attractive appearance? how deep is your voice? can i touch your fun-looking hair? do you like petite, teeny-tiny, intelligent, well-read, discerning, triumphant, victorious young ladies (younger than you) with a taste for the grotesque and the existential with a load of rude adulterations thrown inside? what do you think that we could talk about? i like to imagine that we have walked a road not too far diverged. i like to think that i like boys who are as singularly unique as quirky as i am. boys who won't ever be understood no matter how many pages they pen. i like boys that i know because i know the ways of myself. and i am a Libra with merciless charms and a hopeless inclinations to romance and relations. (or, you know, an email and some correspondence)

did i mention that i am pretty? that i am an ex-Hooters Girl building my life up into something after University gilded and worthy. beauty from the ashes attributing to my stained lungs.aged enough to date you or, just post about my fanship.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. mon semblable, mon frere! would that we could talk.... maybe when i am published again, you could shake my hand or give me a hug. maybe i'm going to sit up a little more and wake up now. and when anyone asks me why i'm giggling for no obvious reason, i'll just click my tongue and giggle some more.

would that we could share anything. "everything."

here's hoping to a good Google ranking and your intrigue. i'm a fan. only because i know both value and worth. and isn't it the saying that goes: it takes one to know one? 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Images

to be, to be!

Magic -- sxc.hu

i've got my wretched Lady Days. a friend of mine of any length unfortunately knows that i always readily divulge such details. and quite regularly, i am not surprised at how my friends eagerly share with me and our other friends that they, too, are similarly afflicted. kind of like that time when we all talked about our vaginas. that's right, You! i didn't forget! we share stories about us crying, yelling, being gassy, and just plain ole acting like a bitch to anyone within a yard's radius of us. we should all count it as luck to be separated from one another via monitor screen and such at times.

i've been a bloated mess, but i feel unusually inspired to play around in my digitally-created world. i've been catching up with all of you, smiling at your stories, laughing at your pictures... i swear it's been something painful as missing a best friend.

so, "To be, or not to be?" as with the question of Hamlet's inaction. i am being active in today. Kotex has done a lovely job with their marketing of products. at the store from which i was purchasing them, the cashier forgot to ring me up for my tampons and liners, she left them at the back of the belt. the man in line behind me pointed it out to my cashier, and she apologized, but i would have none of it. i had forgotten my things also! i laughed it off heartily saying that i was ready to pay for them at her convenience; and besides, they surely didn't belong to the man behind me! the whole line laughed, and my positive mood was catching like flu.

right now, i'm listening to my Pandora station. it's full of Placebo (of course, you know me), Muse, Interpol, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, etc. it's divine. and that "bit" older man in the picture in the last post happens to love my taste in music--and just about everything. "I don't mean to rush things here, BUT we should totally get married tomorrow and have babies--just saying..." his words. haha, but God knows i'd never blindly step into ANOTHER proposal again. and by the way, last year's Valentine's Day, i found myself at the end of an engagement to a man whom i childishly loved with EVERYTHING inside of myself. and this year, the day right after Valentine's Day, i find myself on a hot date with a man who says that he sees "another engagement happening." oh, my! i do not lie when i remark on how marvelously "must-have" i am. and haven't i told you that before?

ah, Pandora has just played "Obstacle 1" by Interpol. just, YES. my hair is silky straight and shiny. and i have managed a few, long, blonde streaks into my natural bob. i'm excited for my date tomorrow. i hate to date myself unnecessarily. but the man is a 30 year old who has taught at the same junior high and high schools that my brothers went to. and he's best friends with my high school Calculus teacher's husband. this is both weird and not. 30 is not too old for me. indeed, i still have a pair of shiny, black pumps hiding over a 28 year old Doctor B's apartment over in River City after i left them one weekend. ah, i'm bad!

while i'm still fueled with my vitamins, better diet, less smoking, and new medicines from my doctor, i'll resume catching up with all of you, my lovely dolls. and if you've noticed that i haven't been by to check on you in a while, it might be because i have an incorrect link, or don't have one at all. "Follow" my blog and be sure that your profile is linked to a current, active link to you. or comment below to fill me in. i am ever amazed at my growing Followers list and your lovely, encouraging reviews of appreciation. peek them at the top right in the sidebar. and, of course, i can't wait to meet some more of my friends to have a blast with! i'll be right here for y'all. with glitter confetti and poetry. make my day, and watch me make yours.

"Goodnight, sweet ladies, goodnight." i think that this is Shakespeare also--Hamlet, even. Ophelia? or maybe it is from Romeo and Juliet. hmmm.

*and have you peeped my most recent addition to my viewer content? (most recently added is my very massive and extended, self-help gift of an article for you, "Being Happy, Feeling Good -- Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!" originally Premium Content, i gladly decided to offer it freely!)*

i miss y'all!!! KIM, LIZ, ESTERA, ALL!!! xoxo
and from what i've been reading, some of y'all have had some very envy-inducing Valentine's Days! Lucky Ones! i'm jealous :-D 
glitter confetti and love poems,

my grand adventure.

today is one of those mornings that wrap me in magically twinkling stars and sends me going on in awe. gaping fish-face at the overwhelming good that i am wondering about.

it feels so good to feel good, to have it confirmed that no matter what pace i go, i am heading in the right direction (which is truly saying something, because i am terrible at remembering directions. i get lost just driving home all of the time.)

i 've made some friends along this crazy adventure of mine. it's easy to love people when your spirits have a strong accord. it's easy to either say or not say that you are a mental patient with the appropriate respective conviction. it's easy to listen to Train (so glad that this band came back so strongly!) or the Goo Goo Dolls alone in the early, early morning.

"So darling, what you are discovering, is that older, sophisticated, handsome, humorous and charming gentlemen, are more effective than Prozac or Effexor."

 heh, oh yes. i really do terribly muchly so like this sort of man a lot. and i'm liking myself a lot more these days, too--not that i was lacking in said department. i'm hopelessly dedicated to myself until my dying day.

faith is such a blissful word. my feelings right now are such blissful feelings. today will follow accordingly because it must. and i'm going to rise up to meet it.

returning with smiles.

i nearly forgot how absolutely good it feels to post here among my friends--both the old bitches and the new ones.
i got a check in the mail recently from one of my friends who makes it useless for me to have enemies. he owed me a bunch of money in parking tickets when i left my car in his care for a weekend. haha! he's such an asshole and wrote out the check in both of my names :)

Pay To: Cheniece "Cherry" Smith

 

i've been getting a lot of positive feedback from people. especially about my January 4th post on Mental Illness--namely Depression. i got a "love letter" from a guy! how cool is that? i don't have his permission to share it, so i'll try to respect him as much as possible while i do this:

"Thank you for your Jan.4 post about depression. I have been struggling

with depression and ocd since I was 13. Now I am 35 - have a family

and a job, but it is a lifelong struggle. I thought you made Some

excellent observations. On a second note, you are very beautiful and

lively. Looking at your eyes is a pleasurable as reading your content.

My blog is at ___________.blogspot.com. - don't be frightened by the

one pic of me (I was "Joker" for halloween)" -- An Awesome Guy

"OH, that makes me so happy to get positive feedback! that made me smile so big--PLUS, i'm glad that you liked my observations [and my eyes, apparently :) ] i can't wait to dive into your blog... nice Joker face, by the way! "Why So Serious????" -- Myself to Awesome Guy

this sort of thing makes me feel so good.
i have a party to go to now. can you imagine me riding around with balloons AND a dog in my car? it happened. i have to be off. catch up soon. xoxo

ciao,

positively pulling...

ohmygosh! 

i keep eyeing my Followers gadget in my sidebar to the right, and i get startled and SO thrilled each time i find myself welcoming and reading the latest posts by another new friend of mine! it feels so good to make the friends that i have always wanted to make. it is so lovely for the things of my desires to be drawn unto me effortlessly... thank you, to all of my Loves--my followers. Liz, Kim, Jayla, Cass, etc (don't you dare fight each other, you are listed in no particular order). you truly are the raddest people on the planet. and thank you to the Universe for moving things into place for my benefit and for the benefit of those in my life! i get a kick out of just looking around and witnessing my magickal, positive vibrations rubbing off and transferring themselves to my friends and making big moves in the name of Love, Power, and Magick.

stick with me, and who knows what we may accomplish!

sxc.hu

i fell in love with some prose penned by one of my blogger friends, Jayla, just today. i know that i'm supposed to be waiting for her consent to share her work, but i can't fight my urge to let it flow from her, to me, and to you:

"Burst" by Jayla

I feel like I'm going to burst, because I need you

I'm not sure who you are, but I need to know soon

The waiting can't get any longer, and the temptations grow stronger each day.

Why can't they understand that I am no longer a baby, but a young woman with true feelings.

I feel like I will burst any minute, I am so filled with love, yet no one to share it with.

And when I am finally able to release that love, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

isn't that just so nice to read? it feels like being at the brink of falling upon the greatest adventure of her life so far! this hobbit does indeed go on adventures, and she could not be afraid of old, white-haired wizards coming to her door with mischief up their long sleeves. i'm a huge nerd, yes. i can completely envision Bilbo Baggins' round, little green door to his home, with a golden doorknob directly in its centre... i can photographically recall blocks of my favorite literature from memory at the appropriate moments. it is one of my quirks that i absolutely LOVE! hmmm... watching LOTR, or re-reading some of the trilogy, should be added to my agenda today. i feel inspired to get that done!

and i got the best Thank You email, ever, just yesterday from an amazing blogger whom i know in real life after i gave some of my most loving and helpful advice to her:

oh my word! I don’t even know where to begin!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the links, the advice, and especially the Love. Your email sat a smile on my face and a joy in my heart that nearly kept me awake all night. I’m violently eager to swan-dive into all these opportunities and even more to offer my wares to you.

So thank you for opening the door! And for your elaborate research into this Law of Attraction and other keys to Divinity. Your investigations are always so thorough and your zeal is sincere. I can totally tell!

that's Ka...--oops! i mean, Estera Star for you people! and she's quite the progressive and entertaining webmistress herself. she has a load of projects that she currently manages, and they're just great!

haha! i'm giggling because this post has taken up its own agenda and become an introduction/meet-up of sorts of my coolest friends. but it's bursting with good feelings pulling more good feelings unto itself. this is all that matters, really. it's the point of anything worthwhile. we all really only should be focusing on feeling our best so that we can then fully come into being our best.

"Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all Creation." -- Neville Goddard, New Thought Author

quote from the Libran Gandhi.

has a stronger-than-usual resonance within me. maybe it's because Gandhi was Libran like me, and there is association flowing freely between us, these two spirits born under an Air Sign.

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”--Gandhi

bed time (for real this time) affirmations.

here's to more infectiously radiant smiles of mine.

before i crash into a short PM meditation session, i feel very inspired to declare a couple of my affirmations to the online sphere. SO inspired, in fact, that sleep won't meet me! or, rather, i'm making this my excuse. it's kind of the same sort of thing, you see.

1. "I am not my mistakes, or even my triumphs. I am not bound in any sense to even five seconds ago from being All-That-I-Am right now, and especially Who-I-Am-Becoming."
2. "I am the woman who simply has it All together infinitely. It is so."

the second is becoming a favourite of mine, i must relay; i've been reminding myself of its very detail in abundant measure during this passed day. it feels so good to remember this about myself, about little, ole me! i'm actually quite the awesome superqueen, if i may comment.


sweetest fairy's tale dreams and goodnight now! with Love.

cast your own love spell!

sxc.hu, as ever.

About the Magick
but, DO put down your magick wand (unless you happen to just adore it that much; it will not be necessary for today's lesson). and put away the picture of your ex who is currently dating that ugly "handsome" lady. the love spell that cherry only ever means is the type that sends YOU swooning! hold a minute--i'm having my coffee, and i'll make clear of myself.

you've heard it all before from every prophet seated in every theology. you've heard it from laymen. but Love is the greatest force in the world. it is a True Energy, like the frequencies of color and sound. it moves in waves and currents, like maritime tides and the phases of the moon. poetically digressed by yours truly, but there isn't a doubt in your pretty little head as to this, is there? the sad fact is that all too many people are unawares of the connection between wielding this force, and effectively implementing it within their own experience to change their lives for the better. but, boy, are you ever lucky that you are friends with me: it's a recent lifestyle choice of mine, and it has made worlds of difference to me. Hell, Love is the actual power that has indeed created worlds, like ours. it is THE raison d'etre (reason of being).

when any of us feels the emotion of Love, with the tingling in our tummies, the pounding of our hearts, the lightness of our spirit, we are harnessing this most powerful force. correctly manipulated, Love is the one magick power that each of us is bestowed with that can take our lives from where they are currently, to new and infinitely higher states of elevated bliss--because, right, you guessed it; we each have an infinite supply of Love to give.

the Universal Law of Love states that: Life is not "happening" to you, but following you! And that which you emit is returned to you in like measure. so look around at your life. it is only ever a perfect picture of the Love (or lack of Love) that you have been emitting to the Universe to pick up on.

think on things that you Love, and appropriate and equal conditions rise up to meet you in your personal life. like begets like. stay "stuck on stupid" and indulge in depression, negativity, pessimism, etc--and you already know what happens. your life always mirrors what you have programmed it to. i can never stress it enough: but, your thoughts and feelings are very important. you can literally train your mind... it's like the clearing away of the static on your old television set for a clearer picture. simply stated: think on the things that you love that are in your current reality (and actually physically feel this immense power in your body), and the things that you Love are augmented into your life experience (the static clears away for you to get a better and more satisfying picture of what your life really is). think on things that you Love which are not yet a reality... and they will begin to appear in your picture (even MORE static clears, and you'll look on in amazement as the picture changes in a multitude of ways--according to your own desires of what you Love, and right before your eyes)! how exciting!

Casting the Spell
here's some homework for you. it is to be done for a period of at least a week (seven days without Love makes one weak).

• AM -- before you rise, mentally catalogue ALL of the things in your life that you Love and that you feel very thankful for. try to aim to keep this going for several minutes, until you feel that familiar and delicious sensation in your body (tummy tingling, fluttering heart, warm bliss) that lets you know that you are feeling pure, undiluted Love. extra points if you find beautiful tears in your eyes! rise up to meet your day, recalling that feeling at different points throughout your day to keep it active (and thus wielding power) in your mind. and smile! it feels good, doesn't it?

• PM -- right before you go to sleep, your body should be feeling very heavy and relaxed. make sure that you are still very conscious though, so that you can execute your homework! think about all of the things that you would Love to be included in your life that are not yet a reality. this may take some imagination, so practice for as long as it takes. imagine yourself having the desires of your heart in your life right now, and try very hard to physically feel the Love in your body as if it were real and already true. the Universe cannot tell if you are playing pretend, or not; it will deliver the same! when you are done, brainstorm ways that you can achieve this same feeling in the next day about your desires, even if you might not have them yet (although the Universe may surprise you and give your desires to you immediately! it has happened before!). do you have to remove some negative programming in your emotions and thoughts? must you meditate for 15 minutes each day as i do? do you have to avoid some (or alot of harmful) people? do it. your emotional health is very important, because it is the sole force that you can directly use to consistently and easily direct your life. 

keep this up for a week, and i promise that you will feel alot happier and alot more free.it's good for you! even buy a journal and choose to write down your reflections, if you're visually-minded. writing is a very good way to direct thoughts and to focus. i do it all of the time before i meditate, and such. and DO let me know what "pops up into your picture." i can't wait to hear about the experiences of my friends casting their very own Love Spells over their lives! i'll be here to rendezvous with you at that next time, mes cheres! 

with Love, as ever--cherry.

"Be careful of your moods and feelings, for there is an unbroken connection between your feelings and your visible world." --Neville Goddard

gratitude for buds.

i am seriously friends with some of the most fierce women on the planet! i love it! i love them! it's fire. we are Power. this is a facebook status of mine followed by a series of "likes" and boom-pow comments (even more boom-pow now that i consider the fact that the three of us are of different races; woah, female force!):

"As black people, we cannot begin our dialogue by denying the oppressive
nature of male privilege. And if black males choose to assume that
privilege, for whatever reason, raping, brutalizing, and killing women,
then we cannot ignore black male oppression. One oppression does not
justify another."--Audre Lorde

 i ADORE the wonderful friends that i have, and i am infinitely thankful for drawing such pleasant vibrations unto myself. i will be nothing short of floored when this augments in my life. OH, the Life that i am Designing...

SubWay roasted chicken salads, YouTube playlists, Enya, sleeping in, five-day weekend [thanks, boss?], this big-ass comfortable bed, the man in the kitchen cooking eggs, sunshine on an Autumn morning



my job [which will put alot of cash in my pocket today], helping my family out with what i do, seeing my brother and girlfriend on the weekends, forgiving my ex from my mouth and Spirit, smiling so large and infectiously inviting that people pass me on the highway and smile in their own cars [!!!], PDA with someone who finds it necessary, all of my puppies and kittens, my uncle's health, my MiMaw, the time for dreams, flowy skirts,my non-slip shoes, the moon, hookah, Devil May Cry 4, my BlackBerry, SAYING THANK YOU, la-de-dadah!

"My! My! Time flies! A new day is on its way, so let's let yesterday go.
Could be we step out again,
Could be tomorrow but then,
Could be 2010."--Enya

‎"Someday when men and women have conquered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of Love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."--Pierre L. de Chardin