nic sheff, mon semblable, mon frere!

life.com

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. you have quickly become one of my admired authors. one of my heroes so swiftly. your memoire had me swooning when i wasn't cringing. you are a literary young man--i hope i do not insult you by noting that you regard my allusion to Mr. T. S. Elliott, however i may have misspelled his iconic name.

i am unapologetic in my signature practice of the utilization of absent capitalizations and arcane spellings. and obsessions with anything worthy. anything beautiful.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
you don't blog anymore publicly. i would have been honoured to snoop some more at:

New Dawn Transmission - Nic Sheff's Journal of Recovery

you are accomplished and published. you are such, SUCH the "beautiful boy" that your father waxes on in pride, nevertheless.
can i flirt with you by saying that i am published as as well? i am a sad young literary woman? my teachers in high school all cried at my graduation (literally and quite audibly enough to ruin my picture) when i announced that i would be pursuing medical school? that i am envisioning myself to be a younger Anne Rice writing creepy semi-fictitious tales from my old hometown in Yazoo City, Mississippi -- full of its witch, ghosts, and walking-dead residents? the history, the names, the graves, the families, the locations... all are emblazoned in my brain from reality, and i'm weaving them into something that my aunt frankly claims will be a "Best-motherfruckin'-Seller!" and i'm pretty. and i'm single. and i don't think it weird of you to think of a young girl's scarred wrists as "hot". i've got scars of my own, but surely the both of of us have grown up some for our own sakes. and yeah, i admit that i know the ways of a drug seizing control of all of my body--in all too familiar of a way that you have gone into detail about in Tweak. i'm only preserving some of my modesty. and flirting. i know Effexor, Seroquel, Lexapro, Klonopin, in-patient stays, dismissals, a broken engagement to be married, despair, and the whirlwind cycle that we are always in and never taming. me for more than half of my 22 year-old life. oh, boy.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
where have you gone? are you alive and well? alive as an artist. a beautiful man? it seems as f you are so imminent and transcendent at the same time, like celebrities are, like God is. but don't listen to me preach to you for one second. because, you know. you hate that sort of thing. and who said that i would be good at it anyway? 

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
how tall are you? who do you doubt your attractive appearance? how deep is your voice? can i touch your fun-looking hair? do you like petite, teeny-tiny, intelligent, well-read, discerning, triumphant, victorious young ladies (younger than you) with a taste for the grotesque and the existential with a load of rude adulterations thrown inside? what do you think that we could talk about? i like to imagine that we have walked a road not too far diverged. i like to think that i like boys who are as singularly unique as quirky as i am. boys who won't ever be understood no matter how many pages they pen. i like boys that i know because i know the ways of myself. and i am a Libra with merciless charms and a hopeless inclinations to romance and relations. (or, you know, an email and some correspondence)

did i mention that i am pretty? that i am an ex-Hooters Girl building my life up into something after University gilded and worthy. beauty from the ashes attributing to my stained lungs.aged enough to date you or, just post about my fanship.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. mon semblable, mon frere! would that we could talk.... maybe when i am published again, you could shake my hand or give me a hug. maybe i'm going to sit up a little more and wake up now. and when anyone asks me why i'm giggling for no obvious reason, i'll just click my tongue and giggle some more.

would that we could share anything. "everything."

here's hoping to a good Google ranking and your intrigue. i'm a fan. only because i know both value and worth. and isn't it the saying that goes: it takes one to know one? 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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quick note while onwards to Damascus. hiatus.

i broke up with my ex. but don't go, "Woah!" like Liz did following my Facebook update! it was a decision i gladly made, and it earned me a lot of deserved relief. turns out: i'm not a "true" Christian (even though he had no qualms with me wanting sex from him and getting it whenever i wanted it--the hypocrite), he cannot see me successfully raising any kids of his that I might have (regardless of whether i even entertained such a zany notion as getting pregnant by him! i'm 22 with no babies--i'm a pro at preventing unwanted pregnancies), AND he can't imagine a future with me because of my active disobedience to the Word of God within the Bible as the sole grounds of all morality. sounds to ME as if MY EX has a complex in which he believes HIMSELF to be the authority of all Christian morality, despite his fallen state as a sinner who is only made right in God's eyesight through the sacrifice of Jesus as Lord and Saviour. "You are not superior, you can be wrong (and ARE a hypocrite for gladly letting me fuck you into the next month whenever I felt the urge rise within me, and then go about Bible-raving), and you are NOT God Themselves in all of Their Infinite Wisdom! you don't know everything of the Word of God because it all cannot be revealed to us, and who says that YOUR WAY is THE WAY? even a "sucky" Christian like me recognizes this!

he even went so far and insulted my choice in Christian Living literature (i can't win for losing, and all my efforts to seek God are STILL sucky and inferior in my ex's eyes)! he says that there is a serious flaw to Joyce Meyer's teachings, which is why the Christian bookstore uptown doesn't carry any of her published works. PLUS, he won't even stand within a 3-foot radius of anything relating to "New Age" or "New Thought" because it is against God. that's funny, because every New Age book i've purchased talks extensively about how good and powerful God is. in fact, the popular book, The Secret quotes Jesus extensively to support its content! no goat heads and devil horns ANYWHERE. and in my defense, i owned my Joyce Meyer Christian Living book, Start Your New Life Today, waaaaay before I first began to research and study anything related to the "New Age/New Thought" movement. but, hey. i don't consider him as a loss. who knew that i could irrevocably lose all of my religion and salvation by reading teachings from Gandhi and Jesus (whose knowledge isn't very NEW, at ALL) all while not submitting myself to any deity or "god?" i could have sworn that God was with me the entire time that i was reading chapters on learning how to generate more positive energy and spread more Love. hmmm...

anyway, my blog/lifestream is on a HIATUS. i'm listening to my doctor in the process of continuing my progress, growth, and strength during my treatment, by taking a sabbatical of sorts. i wonder what will be revealed unto me while i am actively traveling my own, personal road to "Damascus." 


catch up with all of y'all wonderful things soon. keep me in my mind, maybe even say a little prayer for my benefit and well-being (or just for more of my smiles)! i SHALL return. i always do!

Biloxi Beach!

Me and Dad LOVE Steven Tyler!

AWWW! My Mommy rocks my socks!

!!!!__________________________________________!!!!

PLUS, while out randomly at a bookstore for my favorite type of retail therapy and to sate my one, true addiction, i spoke something into existence: i was covered in the infallible armor of my Positive Energy and High Vibrations which move and breathe immensely forceful like pure, untamed FIRE, and i confidently spoke from my Spirit, my Inner Being which knows only good and all truth and said, "Momma, something very good is going to happen today."

as I exactly visualized and intended in operation of the powerful Law of Attraction, the barista manager said that Books A Million indeed needed help in the barista as well as on the floor as a bookseller! not only this, but the store's top General Manager (the hiring manager) happened to come in, and the barista manager found him and introduced me to him! i shook both of their hands, gave them my phone number, etc. the GM was pleased with my nature of being an accomplished and avid reader, and with my well-rounded experience of work in retail, customer service, etc. he seemed to be very interested in what my (brag) padded and impressive resume could offer the needy Books A Million staff, and i complimented him on the store's high-quality customer service and pleasant experiences that i had received during the past decade, or so, during my loyal and frequent visits to that particular bookstore, and how some of the associates know me by name because i'm in there every week. i even name-dropped and confessed which employee was the one who suggested that I pay the $20 fee to become a card-carrying Millionaire's Member for the coveted and well-appreciated and frequently-applied discount (along with the sweet tote bag and other swag, coupons, etc). the manager smiled and laughed with me in the presence and under the influence of my Libran. he ACTUALLY interviewed me ON THE SPOT, right there in the manga section, and gave me the instructions to the application process and told me what to look out for inside the online assessment to make the best presentation of myself. he gave me special hints!

i called the store back today to speak with the hiring manager. i called him by his name, and called me by my own in a very friendly, warm, and familiar fashion because he immediately remembered the pleasant first impression he gained from me. i alerted him that i had completed both available applications online, attached my resumé, and submitted them both. he then said that he would set up an interview for Monday or Tuesday, and that he would accordingly call me and be in contact with me then. HOW EXCITING!!!! 

i spoke something good into existence; i wasn't particular. i only had complete confidence and faith that such a thing would indeed occur. and THEN i get offered the very coveted job of my dreams by what appears to be "random chance!" but i know that i manifested by working the powerful Law of Attraction in my favor. i'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that i land this position. the managers were very clear about their need for help, so it's quite possible that the job could be mine! i can already imagine: me, surrounded by books, talking about books, touching books, selling books, promoting books, suggesting books, books, BOOKS--and getting paid for this "labour!"

keep your own fingers crossed and say a prayer for me, wherever you are whenever you can! 


Big Love Your Ways -- xoxo

well, i've got somethin' to say!

i killed a pit bull the other day!

(don't read any further if you cannot tolerate the details of graphical reference to open surgical wounds, violence against attacking animals, gore, guns, saws, and Tough Ladies with not one, but TWO firearms) 

truly not as bad as it appears. she's watching TV right now.

i rushed outside to find my baby girl, YaYa, down and caught at her neck by the jaws of an evil pit bull bitch that we had been fostering from the threshold of death for the past few months. when a pit's jaws clamp down, NO force can pry them open. the pit has to relax before the jaws release. i heard YaYa crying in pain with her eyes going red. i could only imagine the damage to her jugular and i wouldn't let MY baby die--without the responsible one dying FIRST.

i tried to break up the fight with my words. i reached my bare hands inside and tried to pry open the great, slobbering jaws of the pit, but they didn't budge. i put a pole in the pit's jaws and used my weight into my foot as a lever in attempt to pry the jaws from YaYa's neck. i went and got the rifle from my uncle's bedroom to shoot the bitch in the head and get it all over with nice and quick. there were no rounds for the chamber, and the damned thing was jammed anyway. useless. i went and got my brother's .22 pistol to take some head shots at the pit to get her off. there were no bullets. WHY DOES NO GUN IN MY REDNECK COUNTRY MANOR OF A HOME HAVE ANY AMMUNITION?! i spied a saw in the garage where the fight was still raging. YaYa sounded awfully hurt, damaged, and in unbearable pain. i pressed a button, but the saw wouldn't run. i had had enough by now. i was going to end this violently and with all of the aggression, anger, hate, desperation, determination, and crazed drive to kill that i could muster in me at the moment (and boy was it a lot). little, ole me, saw in hand, reached way back overhead and brought the deadly sharp blades of the saw down cracking into the pit bulls skull. i'm telling you, the skull audibly had been cracked quite impressively. and i didn't stop. i kept hacking with all of my blood-lusty might and every bit of force and strength to drive the saw's blades harder and deeper down into the head of the attacking dog. fur flew from my blows, blood spewed and spurted from fatal stabs down into the dog's own brain. i shortly saw the pit bull's eyes go dim and roll back into her head as she was losing consciousness and life. her jaws slacked and it was just enough for my YaYa to split and dart inside of the house for cover. i stayed outside. with the saw. i hacked down the dog's head into a broken and bleeding nightmare. i was met with wet, gushing sounds of pulp splitting, and the sounds of skeletal stability being ruined. i reached back way overhead and made quick work of mutilating the head of my former pet. she went still with blood pouring from her misshapen eyes in her gruesomely and warped shape of what was remaining of her cranium. i hacked at her neck over and over and grunted as i partially decapitated her. i stabbed her with the saw. i heard her whimpering in the throes of her being currently murder, so i kept hacking at what was becoming a flattened stretch of bits of loose fur, bloody flesh, innards, and large pools of bright red blood.

when Animal Control arrived, the wagged their finger at me for using two guns that were not registered to me, but chucked when i told them the damned rifle was jammed anyway and i couldn't find any fucking rounds or bullets anywhere! the Sheriff pulled the cigarette that i was smoking out of my mouth and threw it away directly. "I used to smoke like a train; you ought to stop that early on, you know, little miss.!" the Sheriff and the accompanying cop laughed at my accomplishment and called me a "Tough Lady." they removed the remains and mess from my garage and suggested that i buy myself a nice, new rifle to register to myself. i'm going to comply with that.

YaYa is fine. her wound is still open. she had a drain sutured in during her surgery. God is good and let me save my puppy's life, because her jugular was completely unharmed, and the skin there is alive and will heal, so there's no need for a risky future surgery to separate her flesh and muscle from the organ in attempts to save it. she has five prescriptions: a pain reliever, a sedative, an antibiotic tablet for twice a day, a spray-on steroid for healing and cleaning, and a spray-on aluminum bandage. it makes her all shiny, and i've been calling her "Silver" for the past couple of days. she's antsy to no surprise of mine, so i had to also purchase a muzzle to strap onto her snout after her sedative calms her down in order to apply her daily sprays to the wounded areas without risking some painful bites. i've even mastered the art of using a leash effectively to lasso around her middle (she has no neck suitable for a collar to go around), for walks and such. i love my baby YaYa. we take our medicine at the same time together, and both of our mix of medications has increased our appetites. she has been my partner for several midnight snacks and second lunches and the like. she, with her sparkly silver aluminum bandage sprayed onto her neck and her surgically inserted drainage tool, is lying on Momma's (my) bed right now suffering no pain, just the annoyance with her plastic drainage tool getting in her face and pissing her off. she's content and tiredly loving my pets and rubs. she kisses me in the mouth as she has always done. she still rushes at my two cats just to knock them over when they invade her territory (she's still a spoiled, Tough bitch). she's my baby. and she's alive.
(end of my Amazonian warrior woman blood-lust attack of rage with multiple weapons tale that i like to brag about)

• oh, and my dearest "Claytoris" and i are having so much fun together:

• and look at my new calendar! it's March (for me, and for you, and for Kagome, and for InuYasha in Feudal Japan)!

any InuYasha nerds besides yours truly?

• and this is my second mention of this awesomeness! i have a brand-new and fully functional Google Voice Number!

absolutely without charge (unless you happen to be International, outside of the USA) and with all of the freedom and familiarity as with any other telephone, you may call me to chat, listen to my charming, thick accent during my voicemail greeting, leave me a silly voicemail message laughing about said thick-ish Southern accent, and even send me an SMS txt message! if not connecting to me via the widget, then the number directly to my line is: (601) 871-0635 ahhh! exciting and SO cool! cookies to the one who leaves the funniest voicemail or txt message! 

to be, to be!

Magic -- sxc.hu

i've got my wretched Lady Days. a friend of mine of any length unfortunately knows that i always readily divulge such details. and quite regularly, i am not surprised at how my friends eagerly share with me and our other friends that they, too, are similarly afflicted. kind of like that time when we all talked about our vaginas. that's right, You! i didn't forget! we share stories about us crying, yelling, being gassy, and just plain ole acting like a bitch to anyone within a yard's radius of us. we should all count it as luck to be separated from one another via monitor screen and such at times.

i've been a bloated mess, but i feel unusually inspired to play around in my digitally-created world. i've been catching up with all of you, smiling at your stories, laughing at your pictures... i swear it's been something painful as missing a best friend.

so, "To be, or not to be?" as with the question of Hamlet's inaction. i am being active in today. Kotex has done a lovely job with their marketing of products. at the store from which i was purchasing them, the cashier forgot to ring me up for my tampons and liners, she left them at the back of the belt. the man in line behind me pointed it out to my cashier, and she apologized, but i would have none of it. i had forgotten my things also! i laughed it off heartily saying that i was ready to pay for them at her convenience; and besides, they surely didn't belong to the man behind me! the whole line laughed, and my positive mood was catching like flu.

right now, i'm listening to my Pandora station. it's full of Placebo (of course, you know me), Muse, Interpol, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, etc. it's divine. and that "bit" older man in the picture in the last post happens to love my taste in music--and just about everything. "I don't mean to rush things here, BUT we should totally get married tomorrow and have babies--just saying..." his words. haha, but God knows i'd never blindly step into ANOTHER proposal again. and by the way, last year's Valentine's Day, i found myself at the end of an engagement to a man whom i childishly loved with EVERYTHING inside of myself. and this year, the day right after Valentine's Day, i find myself on a hot date with a man who says that he sees "another engagement happening." oh, my! i do not lie when i remark on how marvelously "must-have" i am. and haven't i told you that before?

ah, Pandora has just played "Obstacle 1" by Interpol. just, YES. my hair is silky straight and shiny. and i have managed a few, long, blonde streaks into my natural bob. i'm excited for my date tomorrow. i hate to date myself unnecessarily. but the man is a 30 year old who has taught at the same junior high and high schools that my brothers went to. and he's best friends with my high school Calculus teacher's husband. this is both weird and not. 30 is not too old for me. indeed, i still have a pair of shiny, black pumps hiding over a 28 year old Doctor B's apartment over in River City after i left them one weekend. ah, i'm bad!

while i'm still fueled with my vitamins, better diet, less smoking, and new medicines from my doctor, i'll resume catching up with all of you, my lovely dolls. and if you've noticed that i haven't been by to check on you in a while, it might be because i have an incorrect link, or don't have one at all. "Follow" my blog and be sure that your profile is linked to a current, active link to you. or comment below to fill me in. i am ever amazed at my growing Followers list and your lovely, encouraging reviews of appreciation. peek them at the top right in the sidebar. and, of course, i can't wait to meet some more of my friends to have a blast with! i'll be right here for y'all. with glitter confetti and poetry. make my day, and watch me make yours.

"Goodnight, sweet ladies, goodnight." i think that this is Shakespeare also--Hamlet, even. Ophelia? or maybe it is from Romeo and Juliet. hmmm.

*and have you peeped my most recent addition to my viewer content? (most recently added is my very massive and extended, self-help gift of an article for you, "Being Happy, Feeling Good -- Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!" originally Premium Content, i gladly decided to offer it freely!)*

i miss y'all!!! KIM, LIZ, ESTERA, ALL!!! xoxo
and from what i've been reading, some of y'all have had some very envy-inducing Valentine's Days! Lucky Ones! i'm jealous :-D 
glitter confetti and love poems,

i haven't been to a pub in a while, i'm proud to say. i'm pleased to say that karaoke was HILARIOUS and i danced with some hot man. a hot man who is really good friends with my high school calculus AB teacher's husband. yeah, he's a bit older. yeah, and i told him about the time that i threatened that teacher t bleed all over myself and the seats if she didn't allow me to the bathroom when i wanted to and not a millisecond later (and threw a pen in her direction). i was such a saucy thing. and getting dressed for the night was an affair. my little fitted dress enhanced all of the nice parts (look at my boobs!), and while getting gas and smoking a cigarette, an old trucker whistled at me and asked me if my legs ALWAYS looked that good and if i had a man friend anywhere. "No, I don't have the time to give to one."

i might have had a bit too much apple cider flavored drink and serenaded my date with "Otherside" by the Chili Peppers. i liked putting my arms around his neck, and he put them there a lot too. he tickled my back with his finger. he liked my straight hair, but mentioned that he is a fan of very beautiful naturally textured hair. i teased him at a "kiss," and then i couldn't deny myself any longer and we made out (and made everyone around us uncomfortable) with smooching, biting, etc.. you know how I do it!

i drove home, under the limit of course. and i had wonderful dreams that i'll never tell anyone about.

my grand adventure.

today is one of those mornings that wrap me in magically twinkling stars and sends me going on in awe. gaping fish-face at the overwhelming good that i am wondering about.

it feels so good to feel good, to have it confirmed that no matter what pace i go, i am heading in the right direction (which is truly saying something, because i am terrible at remembering directions. i get lost just driving home all of the time.)

i 've made some friends along this crazy adventure of mine. it's easy to love people when your spirits have a strong accord. it's easy to either say or not say that you are a mental patient with the appropriate respective conviction. it's easy to listen to Train (so glad that this band came back so strongly!) or the Goo Goo Dolls alone in the early, early morning.

"So darling, what you are discovering, is that older, sophisticated, handsome, humorous and charming gentlemen, are more effective than Prozac or Effexor."

 heh, oh yes. i really do terribly muchly so like this sort of man a lot. and i'm liking myself a lot more these days, too--not that i was lacking in said department. i'm hopelessly dedicated to myself until my dying day.

faith is such a blissful word. my feelings right now are such blissful feelings. today will follow accordingly because it must. and i'm going to rise up to meet it.

Being Happy, Feeling Good

 Being Happy, Feeling Good

“Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!”

a massive, original article by ♥cherry at RousingVenus.co.cc

(not to be re-sold or used for profit without explicit consent given from the author, cherry, at www.rousingvenus.co.cc)

This is my first article in what is surely to be a series of premium, downloadable content.

(i was originally going to let this go for from $3-$5, but i feel too inspired to share. click "go on" below..) 

rampage of appreciation.

i am SO happy that my MiMaw is home from the hospital! i am so happy that her party today involved so much good food. i am so happy that i ate cake until my tooth hurt, not that it takes much for that to happen. i am so happy that my puppy rode in the car with me today.

i am so happy that i effing finished writing the Prologue to my book! woo! it's a nice feeling to stick with something this time. i've been writing a number of spheres for years. but now that i'm becoming a Big Girl, i'm getting better at getting my desires to take shape into my life. SO proud of myself. i have earned a whole lot more good things to come my way--and they WILL (because i said so, damnit)!

i like that i'm such a force to behold. i like that my brother's girlfriend invited me to read her blog. i like that people take the time to let me know when they appreciate me. i like being able to say how much i appreciate someone else (you guys). i like cursing for shock value. i just like cursing for no reason at all usually. i like the friends that i've made who have mental illness. i like having friends who can never judge me about the "flaw" in me that i cannot help. i like not being a prisoner to anything. i like the relationship i have with my mother. i like my doctor (most of the time)! i like writing pages and pages and pages easily with not an ounce of coffee and calling in my "Prologue," when in fact, it's longer than some actual chapters. i like being motivated to do things. i like following my inspiration to do something and watching it unfold magnificently. it HAS to.

returning with smiles.

i nearly forgot how absolutely good it feels to post here among my friends--both the old bitches and the new ones.
i got a check in the mail recently from one of my friends who makes it useless for me to have enemies. he owed me a bunch of money in parking tickets when i left my car in his care for a weekend. haha! he's such an asshole and wrote out the check in both of my names :)

Pay To: Cheniece "Cherry" Smith

 

i've been getting a lot of positive feedback from people. especially about my January 4th post on Mental Illness--namely Depression. i got a "love letter" from a guy! how cool is that? i don't have his permission to share it, so i'll try to respect him as much as possible while i do this:

"Thank you for your Jan.4 post about depression. I have been struggling

with depression and ocd since I was 13. Now I am 35 - have a family

and a job, but it is a lifelong struggle. I thought you made Some

excellent observations. On a second note, you are very beautiful and

lively. Looking at your eyes is a pleasurable as reading your content.

My blog is at ___________.blogspot.com. - don't be frightened by the

one pic of me (I was "Joker" for halloween)" -- An Awesome Guy

"OH, that makes me so happy to get positive feedback! that made me smile so big--PLUS, i'm glad that you liked my observations [and my eyes, apparently :) ] i can't wait to dive into your blog... nice Joker face, by the way! "Why So Serious????" -- Myself to Awesome Guy

this sort of thing makes me feel so good.
i have a party to go to now. can you imagine me riding around with balloons AND a dog in my car? it happened. i have to be off. catch up soon. xoxo

ciao,

not nearly dead.

i'm not dead, my loves--my doves.
rather, i've been a little human, and have fallen to being completely dull and uninspired.

until now that is!
breakups cannot stop me! car wrecks have not killed me! even having cramps will only slow me down for a couple of days... i'm immensely powerful!
and i'm busier now that i've taken the time to work on my book. imagine this: excuses to travel to Yazoo City for sight-seeing disguised as "research." easy $60 in gas last week already.

i'll be back and better than before, as goes the way with progression. give it time. i'm giving Myself time... "One heartbeat, at a time."

can't wait to catch up with you all via your respective blogs and such. be expecting a load of love and comments coming from me in your direction over the next couple of days (or so).

xoxo

positively pulling...

ohmygosh! 

i keep eyeing my Followers gadget in my sidebar to the right, and i get startled and SO thrilled each time i find myself welcoming and reading the latest posts by another new friend of mine! it feels so good to make the friends that i have always wanted to make. it is so lovely for the things of my desires to be drawn unto me effortlessly... thank you, to all of my Loves--my followers. Liz, Kim, Jayla, Cass, etc (don't you dare fight each other, you are listed in no particular order). you truly are the raddest people on the planet. and thank you to the Universe for moving things into place for my benefit and for the benefit of those in my life! i get a kick out of just looking around and witnessing my magickal, positive vibrations rubbing off and transferring themselves to my friends and making big moves in the name of Love, Power, and Magick.

stick with me, and who knows what we may accomplish!

sxc.hu

i fell in love with some prose penned by one of my blogger friends, Jayla, just today. i know that i'm supposed to be waiting for her consent to share her work, but i can't fight my urge to let it flow from her, to me, and to you:

"Burst" by Jayla

I feel like I'm going to burst, because I need you

I'm not sure who you are, but I need to know soon

The waiting can't get any longer, and the temptations grow stronger each day.

Why can't they understand that I am no longer a baby, but a young woman with true feelings.

I feel like I will burst any minute, I am so filled with love, yet no one to share it with.

And when I am finally able to release that love, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

isn't that just so nice to read? it feels like being at the brink of falling upon the greatest adventure of her life so far! this hobbit does indeed go on adventures, and she could not be afraid of old, white-haired wizards coming to her door with mischief up their long sleeves. i'm a huge nerd, yes. i can completely envision Bilbo Baggins' round, little green door to his home, with a golden doorknob directly in its centre... i can photographically recall blocks of my favorite literature from memory at the appropriate moments. it is one of my quirks that i absolutely LOVE! hmmm... watching LOTR, or re-reading some of the trilogy, should be added to my agenda today. i feel inspired to get that done!

and i got the best Thank You email, ever, just yesterday from an amazing blogger whom i know in real life after i gave some of my most loving and helpful advice to her:

oh my word! I don’t even know where to begin!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the links, the advice, and especially the Love. Your email sat a smile on my face and a joy in my heart that nearly kept me awake all night. I’m violently eager to swan-dive into all these opportunities and even more to offer my wares to you.

So thank you for opening the door! And for your elaborate research into this Law of Attraction and other keys to Divinity. Your investigations are always so thorough and your zeal is sincere. I can totally tell!

that's Ka...--oops! i mean, Estera Star for you people! and she's quite the progressive and entertaining webmistress herself. she has a load of projects that she currently manages, and they're just great!

haha! i'm giggling because this post has taken up its own agenda and become an introduction/meet-up of sorts of my coolest friends. but it's bursting with good feelings pulling more good feelings unto itself. this is all that matters, really. it's the point of anything worthwhile. we all really only should be focusing on feeling our best so that we can then fully come into being our best.

"Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all Creation." -- Neville Goddard, New Thought Author

productivity while walking the black dog.

i like smiling.

Sir Winston Churchill really has my heart, as he is noted for not only suffering with depression, but also for being a remarkable person despite still having to do what he called "walking the black dog."

if you know anything about me, there are some things that appear at the forefront: i'm quite tiny. i have a weird attraction to wigs when my real hair can be glamorous. i draw on my eyebrows with expertise. i love animals and books to the extreme. i have tried to dislike the color pink to avoid its connotations and failed time and time again. did i already mention my book collection?.. you should really see it; it really is impressive and pretty cool, too!..

what is also probably the saddest attribute that any living person can unfortunately find themselves expressing is that of depression--and that has been my tragedy for more than half of my life. depression is an umbrella term spanning an entire, gloomy spectrum of what in many cases becomes an all-too-real "disability" even. it really irks me when my own mother wasn't approved for Social Security benefits for her debilitating battle with depression that was handicapping her, and inhibiting her experiencing life. it is very much a "disorder." you cannot just "snap out of it." would someone who is autistic or M.R. be told to just "get over" their mental condition? not at all. and believe you me, i've run the gamut of trying to leave my dark secret behind, trying to forget it, only to be reminded that i am only human, and even if i am wearing Wonder Woman panties, i still need some help from time to time.

the reality here in our time-space experience is that even those afflicted with a mental condition such as depression can find themselves being swept up by the tides of an overwhelming and very consuming force of today's demanding life. the world does not stop turning and rotating, the days just keep coming, opportunities do not wait, and nothing is owed to you, or even offered your way very easily. and those who are not in a healthy state of mind, and who honestly cannot help that about themselves, often find themselves conquered and run over by this bittersweet run of progressing life. it can be so utterly painful that your feelings become even too sore for tears. and i won't even mention the darkest sides of this pain--the places that can lead to self-medicating, drug abuse, self-harm, and suicide. i'll only say that i have been blessed to find myself on the opposite side of this scale for the most part--no matter how much i have found myself hurting. yes, hand clap to myself! APPLAUSE!

and while i still have to work to not succumb to my lurking, dark feelings threatening to pull me under, i've realized that in order to really do this thing called living, i had take full responsibility for my experience here on Earth no matter what hand i have been dealt. i am not the only woman, by far, who has to carry some less-than-splendid loads around with her for much of her life. and in my recognizing this and my pockets being empty from my break from working, i just HAD to get back on the horse. nothing was being handed to me, everyone else had their own crises to contend with, and i had so much that i genuinely wanted to acquire for my life to make it all worthwhile. heh--i was still very sick and i had to get a job, all while walking that black dog of mine.

i had been working full-time (even in high school) because my mother is a disabled nurse who cannot provide as she used to, and because i'm a grown-ass woman who contributes when she can! with my little brothers in school, it's usually me who doing to providing. lots of people don't know this about me! my life is not all magick spells and love stories! it gets quite hard at times... and there are several valuable life lessons that i have learned about staying afloat from my full past of work experience. it has helped me stay afloat not only at different businesses, but also just from the day-to-day pulling of life's currents.

1. the reason people work is largely because they "have to." it's hardly ever falls to what is the easiest, most desirable thing. if you start to look at life as being full of things that you "have to" contend with, then it becomes easier to digest: you "have to" get out of bed and go about doing things. you really "have to" shower and take care of yourself. you "have to" be alive and here right now for whatever worthwhile reasons that keep you going. and it's very important that you find those reasons!
2. it gets easier with practice. remember how good you got at your last job after only a couple of weeks following the routine? remember how nervous you were on your first day compared to your feeling of relaxed expertise that you had later? life works exactly like that to. put in the time and the effort, and your progress will become apparent to you and those around you. and it gets easier, and it gets to feeling good!
3. distractions are lovely. anything to get you out of your mind in such  robotic, monotonous ways is such a relief! at my desk job, i had framed pictures of my family and my dumb-ass friends. i always used a pretty, pink pen. i loved to surround myself with live flowers and bright colors to remind myself of beautiful things which exist in abundance in our wide world, if i only took it upon myself to look. you can do this with the rest of your life too--spruce it up. inject your life with some vitality. we all know that just because you're alive, doesn't mean that you're living. research some new music. buy some chic clothes from the thrift store. start a walking circle in your neighborhood. get in your car and drive around town for no reason other than seeing the scenery outside and to be seen out in the world! i call this phenomenon "ornamenting" you life. light it up like Xmas lights. flash, flash, motherfuckers.
4. it all goes on, and you have to get what you can acquire. at work, it's a paycheck, or a check and tips for me right now. my job doesn't need me or owe me anything, however. i am putting myself in the situation to where i can benefit. i want the money and benefits, so i offer my labour. the job doesn't need me and will go on if i never show my face on there again--i can be replaced. it's rather harsh, but living is a lot like that too. the world's only job is to go on. it doesn't have to shine a ray of light only onto you. if you sleep your life away in bed, the seasons keep coming. there is however some beauty to this which makes for one amazingly bittersweet experience. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. we have all of the power in the world only over ourselves. we can choose to restrain ourselves just as easily as choosing our freedom. we can live while choosing to remain open to the beautiful, wonderful things that life can send in our direction. and the more of this you notice, the more it occurs. we can love as much as we can (which is an infinite amount), and harness the greatest power in the world! this alone, actually, is the purpose of life to many religious groups for plenty good reason. while harnessing love, all of the power in the world belongs to you. the more love you emit, the more your own, personal life is nourished and the more beautiful your own experience becomes. try to make your life as brilliant as it can possibly be... it's all up to you to choose that path--depression, mania, OCD, autism, whatever. now that feels good.

the bottom line is that at the end of it all, what you get out of your experience is only ever up to you. if you have a crappy life, you really can only blame yourself. it is never your parents' or your ex boyfriend's fault. conditions and environments are not your prison. they are a given. make your circumstances a springboard! and if it's any help, think of all of the other people who are on a similar journey and who have not given up, like me! give yourself a reason to smile again. of course the work begins inside, and it truly does get better the more you do it. and doctors and medications do have their very important place in the scheme of things, just as they do with any other condition/ailment/affliction/boo-boo. always be the first to help yourself, and other things follow accordingly. i promise!

love and love and LOVE,

my holiday present to you.

i'm quite resourceful, and i'm always full of brilliant news to share with my friends. i'm so thrilled about this one--i might have outdone myself here! this is even an unimaginable very-much-desired gift for myself! i hope that any of you can find enjoyment from it (and if you can understand its worth, you surely can, and WILL)!


i'm a Deliberate Creator: i design my life. you've heard me say it that life is not happening to me, but FOLLOWING me. i study and follow the Law of Attraction and work to manifest my own desires into my life for the joy of it. Advice to Deliberate Creators is a book being shared across the Web among fellow seekers, and even those just beginning to take the trip inside to this personal, magickal world. i refer to the practice of this substance in excess, and there are innumerable references sprinkled throughout my posts. but i have not gone about explicitly teaching and outlining this precious and beneficial approach to enjoying life like never before. this book seems to be a handy jewel of an inspirational tool and resource full of advice to remember when anyone goes about the work of manifestation via the Law of Attraction.

in other words, perfect the art of manifesting and getting exactly what you want to be, do, and have in your life through this ancient Universal Law! read this book, take notes, and study how to get your Loves to rendezvous with you as mine do with me! i'm definitely beginning to read it now. it's a wonderful, free resource, and i very much recommend it being a beginning step towards making magick with your own life. do look into it and let me know all of the wonderful things that you create and manifest for yourself!

• here's a "Sneak Peek" at some of the treasures waiting freely within for you to indulge in:

1. Notice when you feel good and realize the more you appreciate those moments the more they will occur. 

2. See what it takes to make yourself feel good again and learn to do that more and more and easier and easier. 

3. Not feeling good can mean so many good things. Let go of those moments softly and gently, they are there to teach. 

4. The universe is fully intent on you, loves you and supports you right or wrong (if there is wrong). Think of it as an intimate friend that grants wishes. 

5. You will change; go through stages-because of this. Immerse yourself in loving yourself unconditionally and be with those who also love you no matter what.  

-- Brian

• read/get/download it (freely!) HERE! Happy Holidays! go ahead and share it yourself; keep the positive energy cycling!

sources: The Good Vibe Blog

affirmations upon the new year!

a positivity card of mine--full of affirmations!

look at my card of affirmations (and commentary on HBO's True Blood series if you get closer and squint)! these are the strongest statements resonating of my growth thus far. indeed, they are quite important to me and fun to remind myself of! i knew all of these things already, and right now, i'm always only going about remembering these fantastic truths which make me a damned-near superhero. 

hmmm... if i were a superhero, who would i be? some sick little part of my mind jumps immediately to supervillain, and immediately assumes the role of Harley Quinn, Joker's (excuse me, Mistah J's) hench wench with the awful accent and jester costume. heh, good girls go to Heaven, and bad girls go everywhere!

and, let me not neglect to say,

"Happy New Year, People!"

do you have a kiss this year? i do ;-) if you don't, i'll send one your way! *smooch* two-thousand-and-eleven is two-thousand-and-heaven; it's our BEST year to date! it goes on! it goes up from here! and that's a promise.

young heart & blue eyes, free tonight!

MERCY! i love looking at me some pretty blue eyes and pink lips! think my date liked this?

GLAMOURBOMB! 

it's about TIME and time again for this Momma (wait, i don't have any babies--just a bad, bad puppy, thank God) to start having fun like before: after the most serious breakup of my life thus far, and being uncomfortably busy with school, work, and plain ole being responsible in general, i've been so wound up in things that don't feel like a Saturday afternoon massage, if you can understand me. so i put on my discounted, purple little Wet Seal dress, slapped on some mark. makeup (that i used to sell! okay, i just bought it all for myself) with my best skill, and fit on my newest wig for a night out at a restaurant sitting across from a 6 foot plus tall blonde Adonis from Baton Rouge, LA. he is so hot! and so charming! but i didn't kiss him; i restrained myself from assaulting the unsuspecting older man. he's got a few years (and several, several inches,and a Master's Degree) on me, and the chemistry was unbeatable. thick to the point of nearly being visible. i couldn't have penned something better in story. i am so thrilled and excited to see how the Universe can work with my desires surrounding this! i hope i have a reason to get back on the NuvaRing! condoms are not my preferred method. shhh!

pretty woman, for sure!

ahhh, maybe we'll ride four wheelers in the mud in Forest next time. or see a movie and have wine upstairs by a fire at his house... oh, YEAH-- he insisted on a next time. did i already explain that he is a very smart man? i'm done bragging for now. but feeling good with high energy is the way to get the Universe moving with you in your desired direction, so i'll go crow to some family members now. my mommy is already down my back asking for every detail. she's so adorable. i love her more than most anything and she's the best friend i've ever had--PLUS, she gave me some super high-quality genes with Dad's help. this is the best type of inheritance, if you ask my opinion. i always tell beautiful women just how beautiful that i think that they are, and i got my fair share of returned compliments just tonight, boy!

will i be single for my new adventures too?

i don't care if any of my exes are kicking themselves (which they are). i don't care about any other woman. i'm simply pumping gallons of energy into my own fairytale of a life and riding all good feelings as far as they can take me. this is all about me. because if i'm not the absolutely best woman that i can be, then i'm absolutely no good to anyone, or anything else! if i put so much energy into loving myself first and feeling my best, then everything else deliciously falls into place: i won't need to find anything extraneous to take the place of being personally grounded. even when i have been heartbroken or depressed in the past, i've never been a girl to rebound into some condition out of desperation. i've stayed single for years. i didn't carry around with me a fear of missing out on something. because, you know what? i've got it all already. and other people can sense that, and then the correct, deserving people will enter into my sphere and rendezvous with me appropriately. in example: Larry, Andrew, Antonio... they're all GONE. vamoose! seriously, with this high of excitement, joy, and giddyness, i am mentally sending each evil, all-wrong ex of mine to Hell. each enemy of mine can have her fill of hating me while i offer them no energy (except in sending them to Hell and declaring just how much that i don't need them--they need ME to hate and fill the void in THEIR lives!). i am high-fiving myself! i am thanking my mother for taking hot pictures of me and giving me the best tested and tried first date advice! i am thanking Cosmo magazine for their tip on pairing a sexy party dress with a cropped biker jacket! i am thanking my job for allowing me to make awesome tip money enough to buy the glamorous, new wig that i am donning! i am thanking the Waffle House on I55 North for being short of servers and scoring me (or, actually one of my brothers who need the money more) an invitation to apply for the job tomorrow at 7! DAMN! do you want some of this magic that i have earned and created for myself?! i am mentally sending it out in waves in YOUR direction, if you so desire to smile as infectiously large as i am on tonight!

and he ended our tryst with a big, lovely hug and a "You smell SO good!" and a "If we're being candid, you have a lovely, lovely smile. You are now etched in my thoughts... for better or worse. Hopefully better." now, that's what i'm talkin 'bout! 

my friends, i am back. i cannot wait to catch back up with all of you. and you better have some good news for me to celebrate with you about! see you then, my loves. 

Big Love your way, 

respite after good news and vampires.

i trust that the holidays are enjoyable for all of us. i just know that they are the most fun ever to be had. i'm talking West Beach Inn in Atlanta, GA type of fun perhaps!

i Love having and keeping my lovely, not-so-little lifestream here! i get so much joy from maintaining it! dot.tk is truly a jewel of a resource; i'll never pay for an expensive dot.com when what i have is free, co.cc and the like are free, and dot.info's are so much less expensive and just as good as dot.com. and i LOVE that there is a True Blood marathon running on HBO right now; i swear, Momma hasn't heard anything that i've been telling her since it began, even after i bought her a book that she had been wanting for a while today! but i can understand. this is one contemporary vampiric sphere who's take i actually don't detest. i am quite enthralled really. and it doesn't hurt that the filming has been done here in Mississippi--and that Bill is gorgeous!

i have a date on the 30th with a gorgeous older man with a Master's Degree: he's tall, blonde, has wide shoulders, large forearms, big hands, amazing blue eyes, and a great pink mouth, and a rugged handsomeness about him. and he's old-fashioned, yet cultured and refined, and a completely interesting gentleman. wow! i'm so good at giving away compliments! i should give some to myself more frequently. and i've come a very long way from the boys that i used to give my time to. i'll only say that they left too much to be desired, and that as a grown woman, i am enjoying the company of all of my established, male friends. i've even dated a 28 year-old Doctor from "River City" for a while! i laugh when i think about what i have left behind in the dust, and i laugh some more when i daydream about what i am arriving upon with every new day. i Love my Life! and who wouldn't?!

and it seems that i have made some people uncomfortable, angry, embarrassed, or unsettled from what i've been posting. and i never needed the proof, but it is blatantly confirmed that i am absolutely doing many, many things correctly. that i am. thank you for reminding me and proving it for yourself after your own experimentations born from your own so "precious" resources donated in my direction. and it justly has no emotional resonance within me. my hit counter is to blame--but then again, it cannot track what was not there to be read and counted. c'est la vie. there has to be a sense of openness adopted by someone who enters the Web. if there's anything to hide, or password-protect, or mollify, then keep away. i've got nothing to hide. in fact, i feel like i'm the best prepared student at a Show and Tell session. i'm always only bragging/crowing about my magickal life all of the time. 

i'm missing True Blood right now! i've just GOT to get back to it! between the show, my desktop wallpaper, and remnants from my imminent PM meditation, i'm going to have sweet dreams. and speaking of sweet, i feel like i'm getting closer to actually quitting smoking! switching to an unattractive flavour really has turned me off (somewhat). i'll keep track of my progress with that.

pets put me into my Vortex.

my huge Grecian Goddess' Magickal Hideaway

the house is so gorgeous and makes good use of the abundant space--i felt so inspired to photograph the front entrance from the inside. hanging out by the pillars make me feel like i'm a monarch, or even a deity, in my own sacred, Grecian haven. see a bit of our Xmas tree? the dogs were playing Tug  underneath it yesterday and sent several ornaments dropping and rolling across the floors. fun! i love the furry fam. they're lots of trouble and difficult to manage. but i wouldn't give up the look of love directed towards me when the 100+ lb German Shepherd puppy, Sierra, comes bounding quickly down a hallway to tackle me painfully to the stone floor and attack me with sopping "kisses" and huge, benign bites of affection. and then there's the kitty litter box--i actually don't know why Mr. Motzy and Mr. Minx refuse to do all of their business outside when they're away from home. feline excrement smells awfully of ammonia, and i'm simply tired of it after more than a decade of experiencing it in different acts of my life.

meditation has missed finding me for the past two days, but i feel extremely good about changing this tonight! my experience has no choice but to be augmented into a miraculous auric breakthrough considering my recent dedication to researching the properties of each of the seven chakras, and beautiful visualizations to use and leave me drenched and sopping from vital energy infusion! climactic awareness and experience of allowing the wisdom of infinite consciousness to flow through me... sounds a bit dirty! MMMMmmm, sexy!

Wouldn't It Be Nice?...

mah big, beautiful, furry family!

wouldn't it be nice if i could vibrate stronger when it comes to being productive about my meditations? wouldn't it be nice if meditating tonight left me with the unconscious solutions to my conscious difficulties (which are becoming fewer and fewer in number)? wouldn't it be nice if i slept like a baby tonight? wouldn't it be nice if my throat stopped hurting? wouldn't it be nice if J. could get to feeling better too, so we can meet up for what could be a "date?" wouldn't it be nice if tonight was filled with as much as is possible considering the bunch that lives here? wouldn't it be nice if Yaya played by herself or with Sierra so that I could handle some of my duties? wouldn't it be nice to fit in a trip to the bank tomorrow effortlessly? wouldn't it be nice to leave tonight and enter tomorrow morning on a high vibration and with the most beautiful feelings? wouldn't it be nice if i never stopped saying thank you?

cast your own love spell!

sxc.hu, as ever.

About the Magick
but, DO put down your magick wand (unless you happen to just adore it that much; it will not be necessary for today's lesson). and put away the picture of your ex who is currently dating that ugly "handsome" lady. the love spell that cherry only ever means is the type that sends YOU swooning! hold a minute--i'm having my coffee, and i'll make clear of myself.

you've heard it all before from every prophet seated in every theology. you've heard it from laymen. but Love is the greatest force in the world. it is a True Energy, like the frequencies of color and sound. it moves in waves and currents, like maritime tides and the phases of the moon. poetically digressed by yours truly, but there isn't a doubt in your pretty little head as to this, is there? the sad fact is that all too many people are unawares of the connection between wielding this force, and effectively implementing it within their own experience to change their lives for the better. but, boy, are you ever lucky that you are friends with me: it's a recent lifestyle choice of mine, and it has made worlds of difference to me. Hell, Love is the actual power that has indeed created worlds, like ours. it is THE raison d'etre (reason of being).

when any of us feels the emotion of Love, with the tingling in our tummies, the pounding of our hearts, the lightness of our spirit, we are harnessing this most powerful force. correctly manipulated, Love is the one magick power that each of us is bestowed with that can take our lives from where they are currently, to new and infinitely higher states of elevated bliss--because, right, you guessed it; we each have an infinite supply of Love to give.

the Universal Law of Love states that: Life is not "happening" to you, but following you! And that which you emit is returned to you in like measure. so look around at your life. it is only ever a perfect picture of the Love (or lack of Love) that you have been emitting to the Universe to pick up on.

think on things that you Love, and appropriate and equal conditions rise up to meet you in your personal life. like begets like. stay "stuck on stupid" and indulge in depression, negativity, pessimism, etc--and you already know what happens. your life always mirrors what you have programmed it to. i can never stress it enough: but, your thoughts and feelings are very important. you can literally train your mind... it's like the clearing away of the static on your old television set for a clearer picture. simply stated: think on the things that you love that are in your current reality (and actually physically feel this immense power in your body), and the things that you Love are augmented into your life experience (the static clears away for you to get a better and more satisfying picture of what your life really is). think on things that you Love which are not yet a reality... and they will begin to appear in your picture (even MORE static clears, and you'll look on in amazement as the picture changes in a multitude of ways--according to your own desires of what you Love, and right before your eyes)! how exciting!

Casting the Spell
here's some homework for you. it is to be done for a period of at least a week (seven days without Love makes one weak).

• AM -- before you rise, mentally catalogue ALL of the things in your life that you Love and that you feel very thankful for. try to aim to keep this going for several minutes, until you feel that familiar and delicious sensation in your body (tummy tingling, fluttering heart, warm bliss) that lets you know that you are feeling pure, undiluted Love. extra points if you find beautiful tears in your eyes! rise up to meet your day, recalling that feeling at different points throughout your day to keep it active (and thus wielding power) in your mind. and smile! it feels good, doesn't it?

• PM -- right before you go to sleep, your body should be feeling very heavy and relaxed. make sure that you are still very conscious though, so that you can execute your homework! think about all of the things that you would Love to be included in your life that are not yet a reality. this may take some imagination, so practice for as long as it takes. imagine yourself having the desires of your heart in your life right now, and try very hard to physically feel the Love in your body as if it were real and already true. the Universe cannot tell if you are playing pretend, or not; it will deliver the same! when you are done, brainstorm ways that you can achieve this same feeling in the next day about your desires, even if you might not have them yet (although the Universe may surprise you and give your desires to you immediately! it has happened before!). do you have to remove some negative programming in your emotions and thoughts? must you meditate for 15 minutes each day as i do? do you have to avoid some (or alot of harmful) people? do it. your emotional health is very important, because it is the sole force that you can directly use to consistently and easily direct your life. 

keep this up for a week, and i promise that you will feel alot happier and alot more free.it's good for you! even buy a journal and choose to write down your reflections, if you're visually-minded. writing is a very good way to direct thoughts and to focus. i do it all of the time before i meditate, and such. and DO let me know what "pops up into your picture." i can't wait to hear about the experiences of my friends casting their very own Love Spells over their lives! i'll be here to rendezvous with you at that next time, mes cheres! 

with Love, as ever--cherry.

"Be careful of your moods and feelings, for there is an unbroken connection between your feelings and your visible world." --Neville Goddard