nic sheff, mon semblable, mon frere!

life.com

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. you have quickly become one of my admired authors. one of my heroes so swiftly. your memoire had me swooning when i wasn't cringing. you are a literary young man--i hope i do not insult you by noting that you regard my allusion to Mr. T. S. Elliott, however i may have misspelled his iconic name.

i am unapologetic in my signature practice of the utilization of absent capitalizations and arcane spellings. and obsessions with anything worthy. anything beautiful.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
you don't blog anymore publicly. i would have been honoured to snoop some more at:

New Dawn Transmission - Nic Sheff's Journal of Recovery

you are accomplished and published. you are such, SUCH the "beautiful boy" that your father waxes on in pride, nevertheless.
can i flirt with you by saying that i am published as as well? i am a sad young literary woman? my teachers in high school all cried at my graduation (literally and quite audibly enough to ruin my picture) when i announced that i would be pursuing medical school? that i am envisioning myself to be a younger Anne Rice writing creepy semi-fictitious tales from my old hometown in Yazoo City, Mississippi -- full of its witch, ghosts, and walking-dead residents? the history, the names, the graves, the families, the locations... all are emblazoned in my brain from reality, and i'm weaving them into something that my aunt frankly claims will be a "Best-motherfruckin'-Seller!" and i'm pretty. and i'm single. and i don't think it weird of you to think of a young girl's scarred wrists as "hot". i've got scars of my own, but surely the both of of us have grown up some for our own sakes. and yeah, i admit that i know the ways of a drug seizing control of all of my body--in all too familiar of a way that you have gone into detail about in Tweak. i'm only preserving some of my modesty. and flirting. i know Effexor, Seroquel, Lexapro, Klonopin, in-patient stays, dismissals, a broken engagement to be married, despair, and the whirlwind cycle that we are always in and never taming. me for more than half of my 22 year-old life. oh, boy.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
where have you gone? are you alive and well? alive as an artist. a beautiful man? it seems as f you are so imminent and transcendent at the same time, like celebrities are, like God is. but don't listen to me preach to you for one second. because, you know. you hate that sort of thing. and who said that i would be good at it anyway? 

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
how tall are you? who do you doubt your attractive appearance? how deep is your voice? can i touch your fun-looking hair? do you like petite, teeny-tiny, intelligent, well-read, discerning, triumphant, victorious young ladies (younger than you) with a taste for the grotesque and the existential with a load of rude adulterations thrown inside? what do you think that we could talk about? i like to imagine that we have walked a road not too far diverged. i like to think that i like boys who are as singularly unique as quirky as i am. boys who won't ever be understood no matter how many pages they pen. i like boys that i know because i know the ways of myself. and i am a Libra with merciless charms and a hopeless inclinations to romance and relations. (or, you know, an email and some correspondence)

did i mention that i am pretty? that i am an ex-Hooters Girl building my life up into something after University gilded and worthy. beauty from the ashes attributing to my stained lungs.aged enough to date you or, just post about my fanship.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. mon semblable, mon frere! would that we could talk.... maybe when i am published again, you could shake my hand or give me a hug. maybe i'm going to sit up a little more and wake up now. and when anyone asks me why i'm giggling for no obvious reason, i'll just click my tongue and giggle some more.

would that we could share anything. "everything."

here's hoping to a good Google ranking and your intrigue. i'm a fan. only because i know both value and worth. and isn't it the saying that goes: it takes one to know one? 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nic Sheff | Official Publisher Page

tweak by nic sheff

Nic Sheff (Nic Sheff) on Myspace

Nic Sheff / Tweak | Facebook 

Nic Sheff, David Sheff Talk About Life After Meth Addiction

Relapse a constant threat, 'Tweak' author says - CNN

Talk and Signing with Nic Sheff, bestselling author of Tweak

Amazon.com: Nic Sheff: Books, Biography, Blog, Audiobooks, Kindle

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well, i've got somethin' to say!

i killed a pit bull the other day!

(don't read any further if you cannot tolerate the details of graphical reference to open surgical wounds, violence against attacking animals, gore, guns, saws, and Tough Ladies with not one, but TWO firearms) 

truly not as bad as it appears. she's watching TV right now.

i rushed outside to find my baby girl, YaYa, down and caught at her neck by the jaws of an evil pit bull bitch that we had been fostering from the threshold of death for the past few months. when a pit's jaws clamp down, NO force can pry them open. the pit has to relax before the jaws release. i heard YaYa crying in pain with her eyes going red. i could only imagine the damage to her jugular and i wouldn't let MY baby die--without the responsible one dying FIRST.

i tried to break up the fight with my words. i reached my bare hands inside and tried to pry open the great, slobbering jaws of the pit, but they didn't budge. i put a pole in the pit's jaws and used my weight into my foot as a lever in attempt to pry the jaws from YaYa's neck. i went and got the rifle from my uncle's bedroom to shoot the bitch in the head and get it all over with nice and quick. there were no rounds for the chamber, and the damned thing was jammed anyway. useless. i went and got my brother's .22 pistol to take some head shots at the pit to get her off. there were no bullets. WHY DOES NO GUN IN MY REDNECK COUNTRY MANOR OF A HOME HAVE ANY AMMUNITION?! i spied a saw in the garage where the fight was still raging. YaYa sounded awfully hurt, damaged, and in unbearable pain. i pressed a button, but the saw wouldn't run. i had had enough by now. i was going to end this violently and with all of the aggression, anger, hate, desperation, determination, and crazed drive to kill that i could muster in me at the moment (and boy was it a lot). little, ole me, saw in hand, reached way back overhead and brought the deadly sharp blades of the saw down cracking into the pit bulls skull. i'm telling you, the skull audibly had been cracked quite impressively. and i didn't stop. i kept hacking with all of my blood-lusty might and every bit of force and strength to drive the saw's blades harder and deeper down into the head of the attacking dog. fur flew from my blows, blood spewed and spurted from fatal stabs down into the dog's own brain. i shortly saw the pit bull's eyes go dim and roll back into her head as she was losing consciousness and life. her jaws slacked and it was just enough for my YaYa to split and dart inside of the house for cover. i stayed outside. with the saw. i hacked down the dog's head into a broken and bleeding nightmare. i was met with wet, gushing sounds of pulp splitting, and the sounds of skeletal stability being ruined. i reached back way overhead and made quick work of mutilating the head of my former pet. she went still with blood pouring from her misshapen eyes in her gruesomely and warped shape of what was remaining of her cranium. i hacked at her neck over and over and grunted as i partially decapitated her. i stabbed her with the saw. i heard her whimpering in the throes of her being currently murder, so i kept hacking at what was becoming a flattened stretch of bits of loose fur, bloody flesh, innards, and large pools of bright red blood.

when Animal Control arrived, the wagged their finger at me for using two guns that were not registered to me, but chucked when i told them the damned rifle was jammed anyway and i couldn't find any fucking rounds or bullets anywhere! the Sheriff pulled the cigarette that i was smoking out of my mouth and threw it away directly. "I used to smoke like a train; you ought to stop that early on, you know, little miss.!" the Sheriff and the accompanying cop laughed at my accomplishment and called me a "Tough Lady." they removed the remains and mess from my garage and suggested that i buy myself a nice, new rifle to register to myself. i'm going to comply with that.

YaYa is fine. her wound is still open. she had a drain sutured in during her surgery. God is good and let me save my puppy's life, because her jugular was completely unharmed, and the skin there is alive and will heal, so there's no need for a risky future surgery to separate her flesh and muscle from the organ in attempts to save it. she has five prescriptions: a pain reliever, a sedative, an antibiotic tablet for twice a day, a spray-on steroid for healing and cleaning, and a spray-on aluminum bandage. it makes her all shiny, and i've been calling her "Silver" for the past couple of days. she's antsy to no surprise of mine, so i had to also purchase a muzzle to strap onto her snout after her sedative calms her down in order to apply her daily sprays to the wounded areas without risking some painful bites. i've even mastered the art of using a leash effectively to lasso around her middle (she has no neck suitable for a collar to go around), for walks and such. i love my baby YaYa. we take our medicine at the same time together, and both of our mix of medications has increased our appetites. she has been my partner for several midnight snacks and second lunches and the like. she, with her sparkly silver aluminum bandage sprayed onto her neck and her surgically inserted drainage tool, is lying on Momma's (my) bed right now suffering no pain, just the annoyance with her plastic drainage tool getting in her face and pissing her off. she's content and tiredly loving my pets and rubs. she kisses me in the mouth as she has always done. she still rushes at my two cats just to knock them over when they invade her territory (she's still a spoiled, Tough bitch). she's my baby. and she's alive.
(end of my Amazonian warrior woman blood-lust attack of rage with multiple weapons tale that i like to brag about)

• oh, and my dearest "Claytoris" and i are having so much fun together:

• and look at my new calendar! it's March (for me, and for you, and for Kagome, and for InuYasha in Feudal Japan)!

any InuYasha nerds besides yours truly?

• and this is my second mention of this awesomeness! i have a brand-new and fully functional Google Voice Number!

absolutely without charge (unless you happen to be International, outside of the USA) and with all of the freedom and familiarity as with any other telephone, you may call me to chat, listen to my charming, thick accent during my voicemail greeting, leave me a silly voicemail message laughing about said thick-ish Southern accent, and even send me an SMS txt message! if not connecting to me via the widget, then the number directly to my line is: (601) 871-0635 ahhh! exciting and SO cool! cookies to the one who leaves the funniest voicemail or txt message! 

My Handsome Mister S.

did i ever actually relay to anyone in particular just how i am convinced that my boyfriend manfriend Hung the Moon?

how sweet it was (and IS still)!

any man deserving of my considerations, reconsiderations, explanations, and, yes--even apologies summoning up a pain in self-reflection and a ghosting of grieved desperation (and there have been so, so, SO few of these males that i have chanced upon encountering) is special.

Hot Clay.

un-ornamented (and a bit ill)

i am still enjoying my brand-new, first-time-in-my-life dangerous and short real hair. i am known for wearing a choice from my unhidden. brazen collection of beautiful wigs when i am feeling rushed, or when i draw a blank during my routine styling. Meet Bob, some of you for the first time. a couple of months ago, my tresses were whacked off so short, that the ends curled under at my cheeks and didn't fall to my neck. NOW, after my regimen of multivitamins, DHEA, Doc's orders, and a more wholesome lifestyle all around, i find my real hair touching my shoulders in a longer fashion of bob. i even crafted some blonde streaks (oh, you know me) upon some small hair combs in long, flattering layers to place at the front, framing my face. the extensions are human hair and are entirely genuine-looking. i don't apologize for looking tired and ill in the photo. and i wasn't wearing any makeup (but Clayton thinks that i look especially beautiful in this way).

i'm a lucky, smiling lady. longer, grown-out bob with blonde streaks and an 8 years-older 30 years-old manfriend (who will be 31 to my 22 years in only two months) included.

that is all.

i haven't been to a pub in a while, i'm proud to say. i'm pleased to say that karaoke was HILARIOUS and i danced with some hot man. a hot man who is really good friends with my high school calculus AB teacher's husband. yeah, he's a bit older. yeah, and i told him about the time that i threatened that teacher t bleed all over myself and the seats if she didn't allow me to the bathroom when i wanted to and not a millisecond later (and threw a pen in her direction). i was such a saucy thing. and getting dressed for the night was an affair. my little fitted dress enhanced all of the nice parts (look at my boobs!), and while getting gas and smoking a cigarette, an old trucker whistled at me and asked me if my legs ALWAYS looked that good and if i had a man friend anywhere. "No, I don't have the time to give to one."

i might have had a bit too much apple cider flavored drink and serenaded my date with "Otherside" by the Chili Peppers. i liked putting my arms around his neck, and he put them there a lot too. he tickled my back with his finger. he liked my straight hair, but mentioned that he is a fan of very beautiful naturally textured hair. i teased him at a "kiss," and then i couldn't deny myself any longer and we made out (and made everyone around us uncomfortable) with smooching, biting, etc.. you know how I do it!

i drove home, under the limit of course. and i had wonderful dreams that i'll never tell anyone about.

books and dreams.

Authors Nic and David Sheff. SO much love to Nic!

hello, sweet loves of mine, sweet children of mine--Guns N Roses style, for all you rockstars.
how have things been going in your respective adventures? i sense a lag among some of you. it might be explained away with exams, or family dynamics, or environmental conditions, or just being remiss in being the awesome blogger friend of mine that you truly are.

i've been taking a passionate stance in achieving my well-being. my doctor is hilarious, in that he told me that my bed was supposed to be used for sleeping and for sex only--and THEN he fist-bumped with me! haha! my new medicines are giving me some deserved relief. i feel like i can become an even better woman than i was before, and quite easily the greatest woman alive. you can't stop me. i still have to beat men off with a stick and tell them that i'm married. the truth is that i have absolutely no room or desire to give a man a significant part in my life right now. i would just fail him, and i don't like hearing some stupid male whining to me, when i'm taking care of ME. silly little boys. this is truly the first time in my life during which i have placed romantic relationships at the very back of my mind. guess who's growing up?

and i've been having weird dreams. i dreamed that I slept with Nic Sheff, the author of the book Tweak, which is phenomenal. the dream was pretty sweet too ;-) last month it was Ryan Jennings from The Real World N.O. any more of this, and i'll run out of sheets! and speaking of the gorgeous and inspirational author Nic Sheff, i just purchased his dad's book covering his parental distress at having a son who's an addict, and it's sublime. David Sheff's Beautiful Boy is great! the dad is also really hot too. very good genes, apparently.

when i'm published soon, i would like to have a hot author husband. Nic Sheff, Christopher Rice?..

• "New Dawn Transmission" -- Nic's discontinued blog surrounding his journey of recovery. kind of disappointed that he quit... *pouts* his writing style is immediately intimate and aggressively engaging. his debut novel is an impressive submission that i find as a joy to introduce to my bookcase of motley jewels.  
• Tweak by Nic Sheff -- his debut project. i'm a fan of it. considered a young adult book despite its graphic honesty. Nic's book is written to shock and entertain while enlightening onlookers. it also warms hearts and consoles those who feel overwhelmingly alone in facing their demons of chemical dependency, mental illness, and habitual bad decisions. it engenders relief and hope among those who are too often regarded as being "lost," or even a figurative "casualty." 
• Beautiful Boy by David Sheff -- the perspective of Nic's father, David, during the season in Nic's life that was largely affected by his drug usage. i've only just bought it yesterday (after wanting to get my hands on it for about 2 months now), so i unfortunately cannot add more flowery commentary to my review. i will say that the father's submission also engenders a well-needed sense of relief and hope from those lives affected by addiction, whether directly or indirectly. also has some great statistical, chemical, and psychological commentary included and supported by his personal and direct experiences in researching.

Nic has self-image concerns, but i think that he is SUCH a beautiful man! his eyes and mouth are lovely. and after viewing some videos of some random speaking affairs of his, i think that he is absolutely passionate and loyal to those he loves. he admitted to obsessively telling people that he loved them on accident. how adorable! and he has a round and full upbringing that has made him a wise and content adult; he is quite mature. Nic Sheff knows the value of practicality, has killer taste in music, and enjoys capital-L Literature. why aren't more men made like this at home?

perving: nocturnal emission.

i LOVE Google. i just do. Mate Kamaras looks like my theatrical blonde vampire husband from my smutty romantic musical fantasies. and, yeah--he does resemble my ex fiance. so he's ALL my type. i am equally distracted by his pants in the front and by his pants in the back. i'd ask Santa to put him under my Christmas tree, but i'd settle for any pine tree, or oak. or just about anywhere.


gotta love Rocky Horror tunes. i'm just a sweet transvestite! again: pants in the front, pants in the back. he might be gay as a maypole and a three-dollar bill, but he's still male, which is all it takes for me to perve. and he's wiggling his ass. please, God, LET HIM.


mmmmm... wait, i have to actually DO things and be involved in shit today? what is this that you speak of, this "being productive?"

HUGE TALENT; i like.

 that being said, he should totally play as Lestat in a movie or musical, or the like. he's beautiful. and he better not encounter me in a dark alley. i'm voted "Most Likely to be Arrested for Rape" among my friends.

Being Happy, Feeling Good

 Being Happy, Feeling Good

“Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!”

a massive, original article by ♥cherry at RousingVenus.co.cc

(not to be re-sold or used for profit without explicit consent given from the author, cherry, at www.rousingvenus.co.cc)

This is my first article in what is surely to be a series of premium, downloadable content.

(i was originally going to let this go for from $3-$5, but i feel too inspired to share. click "go on" below..) 

returning with smiles.

i nearly forgot how absolutely good it feels to post here among my friends--both the old bitches and the new ones.
i got a check in the mail recently from one of my friends who makes it useless for me to have enemies. he owed me a bunch of money in parking tickets when i left my car in his care for a weekend. haha! he's such an asshole and wrote out the check in both of my names :)

Pay To: Cheniece "Cherry" Smith

 

i've been getting a lot of positive feedback from people. especially about my January 4th post on Mental Illness--namely Depression. i got a "love letter" from a guy! how cool is that? i don't have his permission to share it, so i'll try to respect him as much as possible while i do this:

"Thank you for your Jan.4 post about depression. I have been struggling

with depression and ocd since I was 13. Now I am 35 - have a family

and a job, but it is a lifelong struggle. I thought you made Some

excellent observations. On a second note, you are very beautiful and

lively. Looking at your eyes is a pleasurable as reading your content.

My blog is at ___________.blogspot.com. - don't be frightened by the

one pic of me (I was "Joker" for halloween)" -- An Awesome Guy

"OH, that makes me so happy to get positive feedback! that made me smile so big--PLUS, i'm glad that you liked my observations [and my eyes, apparently :) ] i can't wait to dive into your blog... nice Joker face, by the way! "Why So Serious????" -- Myself to Awesome Guy

this sort of thing makes me feel so good.
i have a party to go to now. can you imagine me riding around with balloons AND a dog in my car? it happened. i have to be off. catch up soon. xoxo

ciao,

random web development nocturnal emissions.

this is more for my reasoning and decision-making. but if you've been thinking about moving to your own free domain, then it's worth a looking into.

i love being fancy and progressive, so i readily housed my dear blog/lifestream at a TLD--a dot.tk. dot.tk has been around for ages, and i have used their services to rename my various projects to somethingwickedcoolivecreated.tk and the like. i love it. it's free. what's not to love?

the only thing is that you must manage to acquire at least 25 hits per three months at your new and lovely dot.tk domain. frankly and without desiring to appear like a brag (for once), this has never been hard for me to do. in fact, if i wasn't getting, or planning to get, such hits, i probably wouldn't bother with owning a domain.

at dot.tk, i have full DNS control, which only means that i get myname.tk, plus me@myname.tk email addresses, subdomains, etc. i'm thinking of paying $20 to legally own the domain and to preserve it for two years, which is not at all bad.

but, hey--co.cc does the same thing freely. as in free. no renewal fees. completely easy to understand. and get this--NO MINIMUM TRAFFIC REQUIREMENTS. it's one less thing to consider, which i completely support. you get ALL of the same perks, a domain (not a top-level one, but still very impressive appearing), email, subdomains (think about how much your friends would love for you to host them at your domain and give them a subdomain of yours!--www.yourfriend.yourdomain.co.cc), full legal rights (which dot.tk doesn't give freely), no forced ads or favicons... it's just great really.

this has been my experience with what i truly consider to be the best free methods of owning your own domain out there. with both places, you can fancily establish your web presence in a way that demands more respect, add your own favicon that shows up in bookmarks and in the address bar like i have done (see me up there?), you can truly have fun with taking the creation of your web presence to the next level.

i'm Libran, and i have an awful time with decisions. i can never make up my mind. but don't be surprised if i announce my relocation to "myawesomeblog.co.cc" soon. and i encourage anyone who is interested to consider moving to their own domains as well, even if only for the reason that it is just SO much fun to do. i'll answer any questions and offer any suggestions to you along the way. when have i ever steered you wrongly? ;-)

positively pulling...

ohmygosh! 

i keep eyeing my Followers gadget in my sidebar to the right, and i get startled and SO thrilled each time i find myself welcoming and reading the latest posts by another new friend of mine! it feels so good to make the friends that i have always wanted to make. it is so lovely for the things of my desires to be drawn unto me effortlessly... thank you, to all of my Loves--my followers. Liz, Kim, Jayla, Cass, etc (don't you dare fight each other, you are listed in no particular order). you truly are the raddest people on the planet. and thank you to the Universe for moving things into place for my benefit and for the benefit of those in my life! i get a kick out of just looking around and witnessing my magickal, positive vibrations rubbing off and transferring themselves to my friends and making big moves in the name of Love, Power, and Magick.

stick with me, and who knows what we may accomplish!

sxc.hu

i fell in love with some prose penned by one of my blogger friends, Jayla, just today. i know that i'm supposed to be waiting for her consent to share her work, but i can't fight my urge to let it flow from her, to me, and to you:

"Burst" by Jayla

I feel like I'm going to burst, because I need you

I'm not sure who you are, but I need to know soon

The waiting can't get any longer, and the temptations grow stronger each day.

Why can't they understand that I am no longer a baby, but a young woman with true feelings.

I feel like I will burst any minute, I am so filled with love, yet no one to share it with.

And when I am finally able to release that love, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

isn't that just so nice to read? it feels like being at the brink of falling upon the greatest adventure of her life so far! this hobbit does indeed go on adventures, and she could not be afraid of old, white-haired wizards coming to her door with mischief up their long sleeves. i'm a huge nerd, yes. i can completely envision Bilbo Baggins' round, little green door to his home, with a golden doorknob directly in its centre... i can photographically recall blocks of my favorite literature from memory at the appropriate moments. it is one of my quirks that i absolutely LOVE! hmmm... watching LOTR, or re-reading some of the trilogy, should be added to my agenda today. i feel inspired to get that done!

and i got the best Thank You email, ever, just yesterday from an amazing blogger whom i know in real life after i gave some of my most loving and helpful advice to her:

oh my word! I don’t even know where to begin!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the links, the advice, and especially the Love. Your email sat a smile on my face and a joy in my heart that nearly kept me awake all night. I’m violently eager to swan-dive into all these opportunities and even more to offer my wares to you.

So thank you for opening the door! And for your elaborate research into this Law of Attraction and other keys to Divinity. Your investigations are always so thorough and your zeal is sincere. I can totally tell!

that's Ka...--oops! i mean, Estera Star for you people! and she's quite the progressive and entertaining webmistress herself. she has a load of projects that she currently manages, and they're just great!

haha! i'm giggling because this post has taken up its own agenda and become an introduction/meet-up of sorts of my coolest friends. but it's bursting with good feelings pulling more good feelings unto itself. this is all that matters, really. it's the point of anything worthwhile. we all really only should be focusing on feeling our best so that we can then fully come into being our best.

"Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all Creation." -- Neville Goddard, New Thought Author

my holiday present to you.

i'm quite resourceful, and i'm always full of brilliant news to share with my friends. i'm so thrilled about this one--i might have outdone myself here! this is even an unimaginable very-much-desired gift for myself! i hope that any of you can find enjoyment from it (and if you can understand its worth, you surely can, and WILL)!


i'm a Deliberate Creator: i design my life. you've heard me say it that life is not happening to me, but FOLLOWING me. i study and follow the Law of Attraction and work to manifest my own desires into my life for the joy of it. Advice to Deliberate Creators is a book being shared across the Web among fellow seekers, and even those just beginning to take the trip inside to this personal, magickal world. i refer to the practice of this substance in excess, and there are innumerable references sprinkled throughout my posts. but i have not gone about explicitly teaching and outlining this precious and beneficial approach to enjoying life like never before. this book seems to be a handy jewel of an inspirational tool and resource full of advice to remember when anyone goes about the work of manifestation via the Law of Attraction.

in other words, perfect the art of manifesting and getting exactly what you want to be, do, and have in your life through this ancient Universal Law! read this book, take notes, and study how to get your Loves to rendezvous with you as mine do with me! i'm definitely beginning to read it now. it's a wonderful, free resource, and i very much recommend it being a beginning step towards making magick with your own life. do look into it and let me know all of the wonderful things that you create and manifest for yourself!

• here's a "Sneak Peek" at some of the treasures waiting freely within for you to indulge in:

1. Notice when you feel good and realize the more you appreciate those moments the more they will occur. 

2. See what it takes to make yourself feel good again and learn to do that more and more and easier and easier. 

3. Not feeling good can mean so many good things. Let go of those moments softly and gently, they are there to teach. 

4. The universe is fully intent on you, loves you and supports you right or wrong (if there is wrong). Think of it as an intimate friend that grants wishes. 

5. You will change; go through stages-because of this. Immerse yourself in loving yourself unconditionally and be with those who also love you no matter what.  

-- Brian

• read/get/download it (freely!) HERE! Happy Holidays! go ahead and share it yourself; keep the positive energy cycling!

sources: The Good Vibe Blog

affirmations upon the new year!

a positivity card of mine--full of affirmations!

look at my card of affirmations (and commentary on HBO's True Blood series if you get closer and squint)! these are the strongest statements resonating of my growth thus far. indeed, they are quite important to me and fun to remind myself of! i knew all of these things already, and right now, i'm always only going about remembering these fantastic truths which make me a damned-near superhero. 

hmmm... if i were a superhero, who would i be? some sick little part of my mind jumps immediately to supervillain, and immediately assumes the role of Harley Quinn, Joker's (excuse me, Mistah J's) hench wench with the awful accent and jester costume. heh, good girls go to Heaven, and bad girls go everywhere!

and, let me not neglect to say,

"Happy New Year, People!"

do you have a kiss this year? i do ;-) if you don't, i'll send one your way! *smooch* two-thousand-and-eleven is two-thousand-and-heaven; it's our BEST year to date! it goes on! it goes up from here! and that's a promise.

girl love update.

this is a more personal example of girl love/jealousy/nastiness/genuine happiness being played out:

there was a not-so-nice mention of me and my struggle with depression on some girl's blog. she even commented about my thriftiness at staying at the EconoLodge, as if the hotel's name and my wallet didn't confirm it already. here is a blip of her post and my exact comments back.
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Here's me thinking, "Shouldn't you have a life by now?"

Seriously, I heard that the "artificial happy" pills work wonders. Of course, I have heard that they make you a little worse before you get any better. Started a new brand maybe? Well, trust me, just stick with it and you'll feel better in no time. You'll see the world through fresh, sane eyes. Maybe - just maybe - you'll even be able to truly move on!

Hmph. Good luck with that.

[...]

The vacation was great! Pretty relaxing to be able to escape the usual for a little while. We were even given a King bed suite upon arrival for no extra charge! French Quarter accommodations really are a far throw from a penny-pincher's Econolodge. Worth every cent I didn't have to pay! [...]

Divulged at 11:20:00 AM

2 Comments:

 ♥cherry. le. fait. said...

i'm glad that you're having fun and are so happy. Gala wrote a great article about 100 percent happiness without nastiness directed to other women. it's really good and not too long:
http://galadarling.com/article/jealousy-is-the-killer-of-girl-love

pay attention to quotes like:
"Similar to the way in which if you’re happy with yourself & your life, you don’t trawl the internet being nasty, if you’re happy & have good self-esteem, you don’t view other girls as competition any more either."
and
"One thing I’ve noticed over the last few years is that if you’re really happy with yourself & your life, or if you become that way after years of self-loathing or misery, the way that you interact with other people & the world around you completely changes."

you have better things to do than be passive aggressive toward me and poking fun at folks with severe depression. you had no reason to be jealous of me and to try to be "better" than me like your email said. that's a sad way to think. depression isn't a joke and you should know it. i struggle with it and i hate myself for letting it be a problem, and it's hardly a subject of jest. it's a full-time job managing it with the help of my doctors and whatever "fake happy" pills that they tell me to take, but i love myself and want to be more productive and able, so i do it.

you will feel so much happier when you stop it. and no one will have a reason to view you as "sad" or whatever. all of your energies should be directed towards positivity in your life and the baby's--not my mental state. that's what's most important. frankly, i can't be concerned with you when i have way too much on my plate already, and it should be the same for you.

you have a wonderful life, a baby coming, school, a man you care about, and lots of duties and promise to immerse yourself in and be happy about. now stop being counterproductive by even thinking about my or any other woman's existence and go be even happier!

May 3, 2009 5:46 PM  

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 ♥cherry. le. fait. said...

and of course the EconoLodge is cheap! it's in the name and that's why i did it! i was broke. i still am. why is this on your mind?

just an example of how you being silly/nasty is pointless.

you don't have time or a reason to be like that! it's unattractive. be happy that you can do better and BE the better person that you want to be.

good luck. you've got a lot going on and a lot going for you. me and everyone else's lives that are not in direct conflict with yours don't deserve your thoughts, comments, etc.

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internet fights and grudges are sad for many reasons, especially when they're pointless. if someone is so happy, why mention things that are so obviously beneath them? she has my ex and his baby and a full life to life. what does her life then have to do with me? i'm the one who has some moving on to do?

maybe it takes some growing out of, but everyone learns lessons at his or her own pace. it's not my problem now.

here's to really moving on and being genuinely happy! the proof is in the way you live your life [or update your blog]!

nursery pr0n!

haven't blogged in a while for reasons that should either fill you with envy or send you straight to Hell! just kidding about the Hell part.. maybe. i did have sex in a nursery about three times in one night, but this is scandalous and tacky at the most--not unforgivable. i'm really, really hoping that this is the case, that is.

'tis Xmas Eve which means increasingly less for me now that i'm getting older; i'm enjoying watching the kiddies have as much fun as i used to. all i want these days is some wine and the vague light that is my near future: having house parties at me and my bestie's apartment and more sex in less guilt-inducing places.

my uncle saw my ex boyfriend out someplace with some "ugly, skinny little girl" which was a random funny note of my night. everybody laughed at his story and then he threatened my current boyfriend with his rifles and his spades-playing skills. this means that he likes him. that's how we do it.

i could go on about how great it feels to have someone in my life who sees in me what i see in myself, but i'll spare everyone. i WILL say, however, that he changed my car tire out in the freezing cold when i had a flat. this is exactly what a real man is supposed to do, and i'm still trying to get used to it. everyone is pleased.
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now:

• i've been Tagged, but i've lost the post of the person who tagged me!!! i apologize. it's a lot of fun when people can remember these things, though. it's a great way to get exposure and link exchanges. sorry i suck so bad! remind me, whoever took the time to tag me, and i will refuse to forget for next time! so, so sorry... my mind has been all over the place.

• and while i'm remembering things, i'm doing my friend Bruce a favor! he is greatness incarnate as a DJ and here is a link to some of that greatness. it's good stuff. has to be. now you have something to at least fill in some of your bored, idle time. you're welcome.
  

Happy Holidays again! did you see my cutie .gif [or maybe it's a .png] of Jack Skellngton in a Sandy Claws outfit a couple of posts back?! i'm broke and this is all i can afford to give anyone this year!

ciao.

TiLT

and go visit Gala @ iCiNG! she's a doll. i can't keep her wonderful webspace to myself forever. this is my first TiLT [things i love thursday]! here i go!
---
•Google Reader, which lets me subscribe to all of my favorite RSS updated websites from one place [blogs, twitters, campus and world news, literature assignments]. Googleverse in general because it's so dynamic and efficient! hel-lo!
•freshly manicured claws, er nails. double points for red paint!
•actually having time to experience breakfast incarnate as waffles!!!! WAFFLES!!!
being an ex-smoker, duh.
•flirting with beautiful [but socially inept] nerds.
realizing that eliminating a space for negativity in my life is quite beneficial to the whole progress thing, afterall. who woulda thunk?
•The South-a woman was killed in LA after deciding that the Klan was not the place for her and attempting to escape.
•meeting up with my platonic girlfriend over her apartment to watch Tommy Gavin Denis Leary Rescue Me while we "study."
•my job which gives me an excuse to wear hot office wear from the thrift store while i read Anne Rice or do homework!
•did i say something about hot nerds already? what about nerds who are 6'3 of lean muscle. oh, same thing!
•watching Fight Club for what seems like the sixth time in a month thanks to G4.
•YouTube playlists to listen to while i get ready for in the mornings! yesterday i got dressed and applied makeup to H. I. M., Joy Division [the Donnie Darko Halloween party song], Billy Idol, and the Danzig. badass!
•uh, my face? :D

i ♥ autumn.

this is indeed again the hackneyed "i ♥ the fall" post that i drabble out every year. this one will be in which i fail at connecting all of my favorite things, which are all conveniently linked during this wonderful time of year. 

despite my being a damned Yankee, there is still some salvation in this time of year for me. the weather is finally dipping below 80 degrees; 78 does count, doesn't it? when there is a wind, it's lovely. i swear that October has the best wind.. the evenings are more beautiful. the moon is more round and mysterious than ever. makes you understand why it's likened to a woman--its article in other languages is feminine and i know why when i just look up. i can snuggle up in toe socks and watch all of my favorite Halloween movies for nights in a row. there is the sate fair back home, there's my birthday, and of course--there's my favorite night of the whole year!

i should really do the Anne Rice Vampire Lestat Fan Club Ball this year. i swear, for one of her biggest fans, i never used my proximity to NOLA to my advantage.  gosh, it would be nice to finally maybe meet her and have her sign one of the many, many books of hers that i've managed to collect in the last five or so years. i need to dust off my 18th century vampire costume and meet some of the other coolest people on the planet  for an evening of fangs and and photos. Anne Rice is good vampire literature. After Stoker comes Rice, but I'm going to get into Twilight soon, i promise. i hear that it's amazing.

as for the actual DAY [or night] that is most important this month, im getting a little anxious. i'm not at home to go all out with decor and i don't know the first thing to do with my apartment. i still don't have a costume!!! what about The Rocky Horror Picture Show? what am i wearing then? yeah, i'm still female under all of my androgen. okay, Harley Quinn for Halloween and Miranda for the RHPS? a Transylvanian, perhaps? oh, Rocky.. a bonfire this year? a house party?

yeah, i'm having a geek-out. deal with it. i have to watch Tim Burton's Nightmare at least once. i also wouldn't mind Beetlejuice, Batman, etc.  i have to support my favorite producer / director. you should come over! i have the most random, yet amazing string of movie nights, ever. and the weather is so perfect for having a boy to wrap his arms around you and buy you coffee!! [i just met a beautiful boy who lives across from me. he called me ma'am when he held the door open for me.. he's a southern gentleman and not a bigot, but i usually go for taller ones, though. ]

screw that! i can wrap my arms around myself and make my own coffee! it's got to be this October moon getting to me!

Lestat et Louis speak the truth!

girlflirt.

despite what my face allows me to get away with, i'm embarrassed to say that i suck at flirting. my mother is always pushing me to wink at the older guys [do something, darling! look at him, at least stop looking in your book..] and my grandmother also reminds me that i never know when i could meet my husband and that i should always smile and stop scowling at every evidence of fuckery that i witness, because it isn't going anywhere.

well this has absolutely nothing to do with any of that.

there is this absolutely GORGEOUS woman in my facebook network. i'm talking smoking. and i had the guts to message her one day to tell her that i thought so. this is what it got me:

woah! and she is supposedly "straight." this happens to me more often than is conventionally casual being how i am easily perceived as an established heterosexual lady, what with the being engaged to a man? once and everything. so i wonder about myself. i like to imagine that i have an attractive androgynous wile that draws the eyes of both men and women. guys look at my face, my legs when i expose them and like it. girls look at my striking and wise eyes when i look at them without inhibitions, my strong walk, my independence, the flair i use when simply opening a door for myself and get both embarrassed and flustered when i acknowledge and smile at their staring and even wink at them.

haha. i'm a monster. it's so delicious to flirt with a pretty woman! why can't more guys do it the correct way and stop pissing me off?

waggle your eyebrows at me after i look at you and look away. don't stare at me when my back is purposefully turned to you and will me with your mind to turn around and face you via telekinesis. don't honk your horn at me unless you're in a well-kept antique car and wearing a top hat with a cigar hanging out of your mouth. don't yell at me "Hey, girl.." don't start "whispering" about me to your boyfriends to travel with. don't don't don't. blow out your cigar smoke in my direction, smile. wink at me and don't expect me to do anything back. have a commanding presence and something to talk about other than your money and gaudy accessories. wear suits, not baggy denim shit. Oversized tees paying homage to legends are OK. hip, urban jargon sucks. call me "Miss" and "Lady."

im dropping out of university! NOT.

NOSY FUCKER. AS IF. I'M NOT LEAVING UNIVERSITY IF IT KILLS ME FIRST. but do continue.
----------------------------------
i'm one of those people who agree and say that "Everyone isn't cut out to do the college thing.." because everyone is NOT. College is just one of those [great] things in life that's destined to not be in at least someone's reality. and after lending a hand, actually both of them , and a comb and some rollers, i can conclude that i'm not cut out for some things, as well. i am NOT going to be good at doing hair. i've had my own hair for all of my life and i can't even part it correctly. turns out that i've been using the wrong part of the comb in the absolutely wrong way.. damn.

and you know what? it feels nice to say that i fail at hair aesthetics with confidence. because i friggin DO and saying it just means that i'm still figuring things out about myself. hell, i suck at hair and prolly alot more stuff if i fully give myself enough time to develop a more full knowledge of all that i can REALLY suck at!

and being in a relationship for a relationship's sake is something i suck at--something i refuse to do with everything inside of me. and me being the goofy, almost preteen teenybopper studying an *Nsync poster that i am when it comes to matters of the heart, makes it difficult for me to not compromise and do that. what i am doing, the example of my life, Quirkyalone.net has put into the title of a book, Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. well, whaddya know?

i don't feel badly about my decision, about my reasoning and logic. it gives me such a dynamic and meaningful journey to go on. and this isn't the type of journey i'm undertaking because of duty, because it is cool, because i have twists in my hair and because i would look cool doing this and it will build my "status" in someone else's world. haha, i'm still a smartass. no, this is something full of real substance that hopefully i can understand in time, or at least learn to appreciate and traverse with grace while my hair looks like the mop that it does.

aw, man. i just saw Garden State again two nights ago. i LOVE that movie. maybe because braff's character is figuring out is own life while he is off his antidepressants. i know how THAT goes! someone who has a house, please let's have a movie night in my honor while we watch a weird one that actually MEANS something! there has to be more meaning these days!

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, but adieu.

phantom pheromones

iVillage is genius, i promise and can defend proudly. i everything but worship the articles because i have no common sense and insight into this ever pleasant transience. witness how "duh" this particular article appears:

Email's a nice place to start. It's less embarrassing than a phone call, you don't have to think on your feet, and you can get a trusted friend to read it before you send it to make sure you've struck the right tone. I'd send a cheery, it-was-so-nice-to-see-you type of email, simply thanking him for making a nice day even more special. If the reply is nice and it's obvious he enjoyed your company too, send one back pretty quickly.

wow, i am not in touch to the ways of my sex, at all. i am a failed woman.

i hope this works. i'm experiencing a dry spell relative to college norms. momma wants me to find my husband. if he's beautiful, he just is. life is transient, like the feelings i probably don't really mean for anyone. go after it; chase it like you would as if in dreaming, where there are no witnesses.

i want Real beauty for myself. i want Substance to marvel at because it won't get boring as my face does.

court, anyone. and not just from this. i'm living a BAD lifetime movie. it's funny, really. a tad scary.