to be, to be!

Magic -- sxc.hu

i've got my wretched Lady Days. a friend of mine of any length unfortunately knows that i always readily divulge such details. and quite regularly, i am not surprised at how my friends eagerly share with me and our other friends that they, too, are similarly afflicted. kind of like that time when we all talked about our vaginas. that's right, You! i didn't forget! we share stories about us crying, yelling, being gassy, and just plain ole acting like a bitch to anyone within a yard's radius of us. we should all count it as luck to be separated from one another via monitor screen and such at times.

i've been a bloated mess, but i feel unusually inspired to play around in my digitally-created world. i've been catching up with all of you, smiling at your stories, laughing at your pictures... i swear it's been something painful as missing a best friend.

so, "To be, or not to be?" as with the question of Hamlet's inaction. i am being active in today. Kotex has done a lovely job with their marketing of products. at the store from which i was purchasing them, the cashier forgot to ring me up for my tampons and liners, she left them at the back of the belt. the man in line behind me pointed it out to my cashier, and she apologized, but i would have none of it. i had forgotten my things also! i laughed it off heartily saying that i was ready to pay for them at her convenience; and besides, they surely didn't belong to the man behind me! the whole line laughed, and my positive mood was catching like flu.

right now, i'm listening to my Pandora station. it's full of Placebo (of course, you know me), Muse, Interpol, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, etc. it's divine. and that "bit" older man in the picture in the last post happens to love my taste in music--and just about everything. "I don't mean to rush things here, BUT we should totally get married tomorrow and have babies--just saying..." his words. haha, but God knows i'd never blindly step into ANOTHER proposal again. and by the way, last year's Valentine's Day, i found myself at the end of an engagement to a man whom i childishly loved with EVERYTHING inside of myself. and this year, the day right after Valentine's Day, i find myself on a hot date with a man who says that he sees "another engagement happening." oh, my! i do not lie when i remark on how marvelously "must-have" i am. and haven't i told you that before?

ah, Pandora has just played "Obstacle 1" by Interpol. just, YES. my hair is silky straight and shiny. and i have managed a few, long, blonde streaks into my natural bob. i'm excited for my date tomorrow. i hate to date myself unnecessarily. but the man is a 30 year old who has taught at the same junior high and high schools that my brothers went to. and he's best friends with my high school Calculus teacher's husband. this is both weird and not. 30 is not too old for me. indeed, i still have a pair of shiny, black pumps hiding over a 28 year old Doctor B's apartment over in River City after i left them one weekend. ah, i'm bad!

while i'm still fueled with my vitamins, better diet, less smoking, and new medicines from my doctor, i'll resume catching up with all of you, my lovely dolls. and if you've noticed that i haven't been by to check on you in a while, it might be because i have an incorrect link, or don't have one at all. "Follow" my blog and be sure that your profile is linked to a current, active link to you. or comment below to fill me in. i am ever amazed at my growing Followers list and your lovely, encouraging reviews of appreciation. peek them at the top right in the sidebar. and, of course, i can't wait to meet some more of my friends to have a blast with! i'll be right here for y'all. with glitter confetti and poetry. make my day, and watch me make yours.

"Goodnight, sweet ladies, goodnight." i think that this is Shakespeare also--Hamlet, even. Ophelia? or maybe it is from Romeo and Juliet. hmmm.

*and have you peeped my most recent addition to my viewer content? (most recently added is my very massive and extended, self-help gift of an article for you, "Being Happy, Feeling Good -- Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!" originally Premium Content, i gladly decided to offer it freely!)*

i miss y'all!!! KIM, LIZ, ESTERA, ALL!!! xoxo
and from what i've been reading, some of y'all have had some very envy-inducing Valentine's Days! Lucky Ones! i'm jealous :-D 
glitter confetti and love poems,

books and dreams.

Authors Nic and David Sheff. SO much love to Nic!

hello, sweet loves of mine, sweet children of mine--Guns N Roses style, for all you rockstars.
how have things been going in your respective adventures? i sense a lag among some of you. it might be explained away with exams, or family dynamics, or environmental conditions, or just being remiss in being the awesome blogger friend of mine that you truly are.

i've been taking a passionate stance in achieving my well-being. my doctor is hilarious, in that he told me that my bed was supposed to be used for sleeping and for sex only--and THEN he fist-bumped with me! haha! my new medicines are giving me some deserved relief. i feel like i can become an even better woman than i was before, and quite easily the greatest woman alive. you can't stop me. i still have to beat men off with a stick and tell them that i'm married. the truth is that i have absolutely no room or desire to give a man a significant part in my life right now. i would just fail him, and i don't like hearing some stupid male whining to me, when i'm taking care of ME. silly little boys. this is truly the first time in my life during which i have placed romantic relationships at the very back of my mind. guess who's growing up?

and i've been having weird dreams. i dreamed that I slept with Nic Sheff, the author of the book Tweak, which is phenomenal. the dream was pretty sweet too ;-) last month it was Ryan Jennings from The Real World N.O. any more of this, and i'll run out of sheets! and speaking of the gorgeous and inspirational author Nic Sheff, i just purchased his dad's book covering his parental distress at having a son who's an addict, and it's sublime. David Sheff's Beautiful Boy is great! the dad is also really hot too. very good genes, apparently.

when i'm published soon, i would like to have a hot author husband. Nic Sheff, Christopher Rice?..

• "New Dawn Transmission" -- Nic's discontinued blog surrounding his journey of recovery. kind of disappointed that he quit... *pouts* his writing style is immediately intimate and aggressively engaging. his debut novel is an impressive submission that i find as a joy to introduce to my bookcase of motley jewels.  
• Tweak by Nic Sheff -- his debut project. i'm a fan of it. considered a young adult book despite its graphic honesty. Nic's book is written to shock and entertain while enlightening onlookers. it also warms hearts and consoles those who feel overwhelmingly alone in facing their demons of chemical dependency, mental illness, and habitual bad decisions. it engenders relief and hope among those who are too often regarded as being "lost," or even a figurative "casualty." 
• Beautiful Boy by David Sheff -- the perspective of Nic's father, David, during the season in Nic's life that was largely affected by his drug usage. i've only just bought it yesterday (after wanting to get my hands on it for about 2 months now), so i unfortunately cannot add more flowery commentary to my review. i will say that the father's submission also engenders a well-needed sense of relief and hope from those lives affected by addiction, whether directly or indirectly. also has some great statistical, chemical, and psychological commentary included and supported by his personal and direct experiences in researching.

Nic has self-image concerns, but i think that he is SUCH a beautiful man! his eyes and mouth are lovely. and after viewing some videos of some random speaking affairs of his, i think that he is absolutely passionate and loyal to those he loves. he admitted to obsessively telling people that he loved them on accident. how adorable! and he has a round and full upbringing that has made him a wise and content adult; he is quite mature. Nic Sheff knows the value of practicality, has killer taste in music, and enjoys capital-L Literature. why aren't more men made like this at home?

perving: nocturnal emission.

i LOVE Google. i just do. Mate Kamaras looks like my theatrical blonde vampire husband from my smutty romantic musical fantasies. and, yeah--he does resemble my ex fiance. so he's ALL my type. i am equally distracted by his pants in the front and by his pants in the back. i'd ask Santa to put him under my Christmas tree, but i'd settle for any pine tree, or oak. or just about anywhere.


gotta love Rocky Horror tunes. i'm just a sweet transvestite! again: pants in the front, pants in the back. he might be gay as a maypole and a three-dollar bill, but he's still male, which is all it takes for me to perve. and he's wiggling his ass. please, God, LET HIM.


mmmmm... wait, i have to actually DO things and be involved in shit today? what is this that you speak of, this "being productive?"

HUGE TALENT; i like.

 that being said, he should totally play as Lestat in a movie or musical, or the like. he's beautiful. and he better not encounter me in a dark alley. i'm voted "Most Likely to be Arrested for Rape" among my friends.

be the change, now change your sheets!

how exciting was yesterday?! even if we all can't agree on politics [which i love], you have to agree that the President's speech just gave you little butterflies of [i can't find a better word] Hope all in your belly, if you cared to listen to it. it was relieving and gave me good feelings all day. not to mention, i imagined how hungover my boyfriend was in D.C. that day, which made me laugh. what did yesterday do to you? i've already read some posts, but surely there's more. did you cry? did you care? did you drink too much and walk around in D.C. hungover before your performance like someone's man?

i have a cold. don't ask me how i went from recovering from my fever to catching a cold. my roomie just had a fever, so now i'm dousing the apartment in Lysol. i fell asleep one night with my vibrator running and woke up--and it still was on! i could have burned my clitoris off! what would my doctor have said?

and this is funny. absolutely funny:
---------------------
Heavily Tripping

Andy tripped along rapturously. He was on his way to meet his lover, Cherry, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a clown hopping along, carrying a box of wine in its mouth.

Andy was almost by the balls when he came across a horny cake, lying alone on a soap-scented plate. "That must be a treat from my peppery bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked chunky, so he ate it.

It gave him the most with abandon tingling sensation in his ass. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Cherry.
When Cherry came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Andy cried covertly.
"Your collar bone! And your inside of the elbow!" Cherry said. "They're intense! Can't you feel it?"
Andy felt his collar bone and his inside of the elbow. They were indeed quite intense. "Oh, no!" Andy said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that horny cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Cherry said. "I got you a coffee mug. It must have been that vagina-oriented man who lives nearby. He acts a little morbidly, ever since he pat a hair pin."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Andy sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Cherry said speedily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your collar bone is really luminous like that."
"Really?" Andy dried her tears. Andy kissed Cherry and it was an entirely green sensation, like rats in a cornfield.

They spent the night having entirely green sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
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and before you ask: NO, i'm not any crazier than usual. i went here to create this drabble! it's fun!

and pictures! The Slut Hut! or my apartment. still decorating and organizing.

nursery pr0n!

haven't blogged in a while for reasons that should either fill you with envy or send you straight to Hell! just kidding about the Hell part.. maybe. i did have sex in a nursery about three times in one night, but this is scandalous and tacky at the most--not unforgivable. i'm really, really hoping that this is the case, that is.

'tis Xmas Eve which means increasingly less for me now that i'm getting older; i'm enjoying watching the kiddies have as much fun as i used to. all i want these days is some wine and the vague light that is my near future: having house parties at me and my bestie's apartment and more sex in less guilt-inducing places.

my uncle saw my ex boyfriend out someplace with some "ugly, skinny little girl" which was a random funny note of my night. everybody laughed at his story and then he threatened my current boyfriend with his rifles and his spades-playing skills. this means that he likes him. that's how we do it.

i could go on about how great it feels to have someone in my life who sees in me what i see in myself, but i'll spare everyone. i WILL say, however, that he changed my car tire out in the freezing cold when i had a flat. this is exactly what a real man is supposed to do, and i'm still trying to get used to it. everyone is pleased.
------------------
now:

• i've been Tagged, but i've lost the post of the person who tagged me!!! i apologize. it's a lot of fun when people can remember these things, though. it's a great way to get exposure and link exchanges. sorry i suck so bad! remind me, whoever took the time to tag me, and i will refuse to forget for next time! so, so sorry... my mind has been all over the place.

• and while i'm remembering things, i'm doing my friend Bruce a favor! he is greatness incarnate as a DJ and here is a link to some of that greatness. it's good stuff. has to be. now you have something to at least fill in some of your bored, idle time. you're welcome.
  

Happy Holidays again! did you see my cutie .gif [or maybe it's a .png] of Jack Skellngton in a Sandy Claws outfit a couple of posts back?! i'm broke and this is all i can afford to give anyone this year!

ciao.

girlflirt.

despite what my face allows me to get away with, i'm embarrassed to say that i suck at flirting. my mother is always pushing me to wink at the older guys [do something, darling! look at him, at least stop looking in your book..] and my grandmother also reminds me that i never know when i could meet my husband and that i should always smile and stop scowling at every evidence of fuckery that i witness, because it isn't going anywhere.

well this has absolutely nothing to do with any of that.

there is this absolutely GORGEOUS woman in my facebook network. i'm talking smoking. and i had the guts to message her one day to tell her that i thought so. this is what it got me:

woah! and she is supposedly "straight." this happens to me more often than is conventionally casual being how i am easily perceived as an established heterosexual lady, what with the being engaged to a man? once and everything. so i wonder about myself. i like to imagine that i have an attractive androgynous wile that draws the eyes of both men and women. guys look at my face, my legs when i expose them and like it. girls look at my striking and wise eyes when i look at them without inhibitions, my strong walk, my independence, the flair i use when simply opening a door for myself and get both embarrassed and flustered when i acknowledge and smile at their staring and even wink at them.

haha. i'm a monster. it's so delicious to flirt with a pretty woman! why can't more guys do it the correct way and stop pissing me off?

waggle your eyebrows at me after i look at you and look away. don't stare at me when my back is purposefully turned to you and will me with your mind to turn around and face you via telekinesis. don't honk your horn at me unless you're in a well-kept antique car and wearing a top hat with a cigar hanging out of your mouth. don't yell at me "Hey, girl.." don't start "whispering" about me to your boyfriends to travel with. don't don't don't. blow out your cigar smoke in my direction, smile. wink at me and don't expect me to do anything back. have a commanding presence and something to talk about other than your money and gaudy accessories. wear suits, not baggy denim shit. Oversized tees paying homage to legends are OK. hip, urban jargon sucks. call me "Miss" and "Lady."