roundup.

i'm NOT dead. in fact, i've been busy and wearing my Wonder Woman gear: lasso, invisible jet, funk band playing my theme song...

"aww, Cherry! you change men like you do with your underwear!"
actually, sometimes i don't even wear under things.

my snail mail to him: here's No. 2

shock value: Mein Kampf

HOT, right?

.

the storms totally tore through the South. it's as if we can't catch a break! my old town is all BUT leveled, but my friends have high spirits and strength. i've been praying like no other time.

Yaya is a slut and got pregnant. she delivered seven babies March 30th. someone is driving down from Lexington today to pick up one of the little buggers for adoption in response to a craigslist ad of mine. we simply have no extra room for so many more pets! and that's saying something because i live out in the country on three acres of land, surrounded by trees and ponds. it's bittersweet, but Yaya has to remain my main baby. i'm keeping one of her puppies; I've named her Dixie Diamond, the jewel of the South. kawaii!

my undies!

oh! and Nic Sheff has been ALL over my mind. here he is in the bookstore where I work (and play):

gosh, i'd love to meet him. all the more reason to finish MY novel.

YES: i'm studying for the MCAT AND writing a book at the same time...

also, just have to say how proud i am of LIZ! you go, you! you are such a beautiful and powerful force! i would definitely vote for you and rig the votes (if this was a National election and i was managing Florida's ballots).

i'll make a proper return. this roundup stands only to prove that i am alive and well. speaking of which, the Osama bin Laden news couldn't be more major and difficult to fully absorb at once!..

i'll get back to y'all, all of my dear friends, SOON.

nic sheff, mon semblable, mon frere!

life.com

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. you have quickly become one of my admired authors. one of my heroes so swiftly. your memoire had me swooning when i wasn't cringing. you are a literary young man--i hope i do not insult you by noting that you regard my allusion to Mr. T. S. Elliott, however i may have misspelled his iconic name.

i am unapologetic in my signature practice of the utilization of absent capitalizations and arcane spellings. and obsessions with anything worthy. anything beautiful.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
you don't blog anymore publicly. i would have been honoured to snoop some more at:

New Dawn Transmission - Nic Sheff's Journal of Recovery

you are accomplished and published. you are such, SUCH the "beautiful boy" that your father waxes on in pride, nevertheless.
can i flirt with you by saying that i am published as as well? i am a sad young literary woman? my teachers in high school all cried at my graduation (literally and quite audibly enough to ruin my picture) when i announced that i would be pursuing medical school? that i am envisioning myself to be a younger Anne Rice writing creepy semi-fictitious tales from my old hometown in Yazoo City, Mississippi -- full of its witch, ghosts, and walking-dead residents? the history, the names, the graves, the families, the locations... all are emblazoned in my brain from reality, and i'm weaving them into something that my aunt frankly claims will be a "Best-motherfruckin'-Seller!" and i'm pretty. and i'm single. and i don't think it weird of you to think of a young girl's scarred wrists as "hot". i've got scars of my own, but surely the both of of us have grown up some for our own sakes. and yeah, i admit that i know the ways of a drug seizing control of all of my body--in all too familiar of a way that you have gone into detail about in Tweak. i'm only preserving some of my modesty. and flirting. i know Effexor, Seroquel, Lexapro, Klonopin, in-patient stays, dismissals, a broken engagement to be married, despair, and the whirlwind cycle that we are always in and never taming. me for more than half of my 22 year-old life. oh, boy.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
where have you gone? are you alive and well? alive as an artist. a beautiful man? it seems as f you are so imminent and transcendent at the same time, like celebrities are, like God is. but don't listen to me preach to you for one second. because, you know. you hate that sort of thing. and who said that i would be good at it anyway? 

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff.
how tall are you? who do you doubt your attractive appearance? how deep is your voice? can i touch your fun-looking hair? do you like petite, teeny-tiny, intelligent, well-read, discerning, triumphant, victorious young ladies (younger than you) with a taste for the grotesque and the existential with a load of rude adulterations thrown inside? what do you think that we could talk about? i like to imagine that we have walked a road not too far diverged. i like to think that i like boys who are as singularly unique as quirky as i am. boys who won't ever be understood no matter how many pages they pen. i like boys that i know because i know the ways of myself. and i am a Libra with merciless charms and a hopeless inclinations to romance and relations. (or, you know, an email and some correspondence)

did i mention that i am pretty? that i am an ex-Hooters Girl building my life up into something after University gilded and worthy. beauty from the ashes attributing to my stained lungs.aged enough to date you or, just post about my fanship.

ah, nic sheff. nic sheff, nic sheff, nic sheff. mon semblable, mon frere! would that we could talk.... maybe when i am published again, you could shake my hand or give me a hug. maybe i'm going to sit up a little more and wake up now. and when anyone asks me why i'm giggling for no obvious reason, i'll just click my tongue and giggle some more.

would that we could share anything. "everything."

here's hoping to a good Google ranking and your intrigue. i'm a fan. only because i know both value and worth. and isn't it the saying that goes: it takes one to know one? 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nic Sheff | Official Publisher Page

tweak by nic sheff

Nic Sheff (Nic Sheff) on Myspace

Nic Sheff / Tweak | Facebook 

Nic Sheff, David Sheff Talk About Life After Meth Addiction

Relapse a constant threat, 'Tweak' author says - CNN

Talk and Signing with Nic Sheff, bestselling author of Tweak

Amazon.com: Nic Sheff: Books, Biography, Blog, Audiobooks, Kindle

Nic Sheff

Results from people in your social circle for nic sheff

Tweak by Nic Sheff - Oprah.com

The Hip Mom's Guide: I'm Cheering for You Nic Sheff.

David Sheff - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

David & Nic Sheff: David & Nic Sheff

YouTube - Nic Sheff: Tweak

Nic Sheff (Author of Tweak)

Amazon.com: Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines

Teenreads.com -- Author Profile: Nic Sheff

David Sheff - Nic Sheff - Books - Addiction - New York Times

Videos for nic sheff

Images

quick note while onwards to Damascus. hiatus.

i broke up with my ex. but don't go, "Woah!" like Liz did following my Facebook update! it was a decision i gladly made, and it earned me a lot of deserved relief. turns out: i'm not a "true" Christian (even though he had no qualms with me wanting sex from him and getting it whenever i wanted it--the hypocrite), he cannot see me successfully raising any kids of his that I might have (regardless of whether i even entertained such a zany notion as getting pregnant by him! i'm 22 with no babies--i'm a pro at preventing unwanted pregnancies), AND he can't imagine a future with me because of my active disobedience to the Word of God within the Bible as the sole grounds of all morality. sounds to ME as if MY EX has a complex in which he believes HIMSELF to be the authority of all Christian morality, despite his fallen state as a sinner who is only made right in God's eyesight through the sacrifice of Jesus as Lord and Saviour. "You are not superior, you can be wrong (and ARE a hypocrite for gladly letting me fuck you into the next month whenever I felt the urge rise within me, and then go about Bible-raving), and you are NOT God Themselves in all of Their Infinite Wisdom! you don't know everything of the Word of God because it all cannot be revealed to us, and who says that YOUR WAY is THE WAY? even a "sucky" Christian like me recognizes this!

he even went so far and insulted my choice in Christian Living literature (i can't win for losing, and all my efforts to seek God are STILL sucky and inferior in my ex's eyes)! he says that there is a serious flaw to Joyce Meyer's teachings, which is why the Christian bookstore uptown doesn't carry any of her published works. PLUS, he won't even stand within a 3-foot radius of anything relating to "New Age" or "New Thought" because it is against God. that's funny, because every New Age book i've purchased talks extensively about how good and powerful God is. in fact, the popular book, The Secret quotes Jesus extensively to support its content! no goat heads and devil horns ANYWHERE. and in my defense, i owned my Joyce Meyer Christian Living book, Start Your New Life Today, waaaaay before I first began to research and study anything related to the "New Age/New Thought" movement. but, hey. i don't consider him as a loss. who knew that i could irrevocably lose all of my religion and salvation by reading teachings from Gandhi and Jesus (whose knowledge isn't very NEW, at ALL) all while not submitting myself to any deity or "god?" i could have sworn that God was with me the entire time that i was reading chapters on learning how to generate more positive energy and spread more Love. hmmm...

anyway, my blog/lifestream is on a HIATUS. i'm listening to my doctor in the process of continuing my progress, growth, and strength during my treatment, by taking a sabbatical of sorts. i wonder what will be revealed unto me while i am actively traveling my own, personal road to "Damascus." 


catch up with all of y'all wonderful things soon. keep me in my mind, maybe even say a little prayer for my benefit and well-being (or just for more of my smiles)! i SHALL return. i always do!

Biloxi Beach!

Me and Dad LOVE Steven Tyler!

AWWW! My Mommy rocks my socks!

!!!!__________________________________________!!!!

PLUS, while out randomly at a bookstore for my favorite type of retail therapy and to sate my one, true addiction, i spoke something into existence: i was covered in the infallible armor of my Positive Energy and High Vibrations which move and breathe immensely forceful like pure, untamed FIRE, and i confidently spoke from my Spirit, my Inner Being which knows only good and all truth and said, "Momma, something very good is going to happen today."

as I exactly visualized and intended in operation of the powerful Law of Attraction, the barista manager said that Books A Million indeed needed help in the barista as well as on the floor as a bookseller! not only this, but the store's top General Manager (the hiring manager) happened to come in, and the barista manager found him and introduced me to him! i shook both of their hands, gave them my phone number, etc. the GM was pleased with my nature of being an accomplished and avid reader, and with my well-rounded experience of work in retail, customer service, etc. he seemed to be very interested in what my (brag) padded and impressive resume could offer the needy Books A Million staff, and i complimented him on the store's high-quality customer service and pleasant experiences that i had received during the past decade, or so, during my loyal and frequent visits to that particular bookstore, and how some of the associates know me by name because i'm in there every week. i even name-dropped and confessed which employee was the one who suggested that I pay the $20 fee to become a card-carrying Millionaire's Member for the coveted and well-appreciated and frequently-applied discount (along with the sweet tote bag and other swag, coupons, etc). the manager smiled and laughed with me in the presence and under the influence of my Libran. he ACTUALLY interviewed me ON THE SPOT, right there in the manga section, and gave me the instructions to the application process and told me what to look out for inside the online assessment to make the best presentation of myself. he gave me special hints!

i called the store back today to speak with the hiring manager. i called him by his name, and called me by my own in a very friendly, warm, and familiar fashion because he immediately remembered the pleasant first impression he gained from me. i alerted him that i had completed both available applications online, attached my resumé, and submitted them both. he then said that he would set up an interview for Monday or Tuesday, and that he would accordingly call me and be in contact with me then. HOW EXCITING!!!! 

i spoke something good into existence; i wasn't particular. i only had complete confidence and faith that such a thing would indeed occur. and THEN i get offered the very coveted job of my dreams by what appears to be "random chance!" but i know that i manifested by working the powerful Law of Attraction in my favor. i'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that i land this position. the managers were very clear about their need for help, so it's quite possible that the job could be mine! i can already imagine: me, surrounded by books, talking about books, touching books, selling books, promoting books, suggesting books, books, BOOKS--and getting paid for this "labour!"

keep your own fingers crossed and say a prayer for me, wherever you are whenever you can! 


Big Love Your Ways -- xoxo

well, i've got somethin' to say!

i killed a pit bull the other day!

(don't read any further if you cannot tolerate the details of graphical reference to open surgical wounds, violence against attacking animals, gore, guns, saws, and Tough Ladies with not one, but TWO firearms) 

truly not as bad as it appears. she's watching TV right now.

i rushed outside to find my baby girl, YaYa, down and caught at her neck by the jaws of an evil pit bull bitch that we had been fostering from the threshold of death for the past few months. when a pit's jaws clamp down, NO force can pry them open. the pit has to relax before the jaws release. i heard YaYa crying in pain with her eyes going red. i could only imagine the damage to her jugular and i wouldn't let MY baby die--without the responsible one dying FIRST.

i tried to break up the fight with my words. i reached my bare hands inside and tried to pry open the great, slobbering jaws of the pit, but they didn't budge. i put a pole in the pit's jaws and used my weight into my foot as a lever in attempt to pry the jaws from YaYa's neck. i went and got the rifle from my uncle's bedroom to shoot the bitch in the head and get it all over with nice and quick. there were no rounds for the chamber, and the damned thing was jammed anyway. useless. i went and got my brother's .22 pistol to take some head shots at the pit to get her off. there were no bullets. WHY DOES NO GUN IN MY REDNECK COUNTRY MANOR OF A HOME HAVE ANY AMMUNITION?! i spied a saw in the garage where the fight was still raging. YaYa sounded awfully hurt, damaged, and in unbearable pain. i pressed a button, but the saw wouldn't run. i had had enough by now. i was going to end this violently and with all of the aggression, anger, hate, desperation, determination, and crazed drive to kill that i could muster in me at the moment (and boy was it a lot). little, ole me, saw in hand, reached way back overhead and brought the deadly sharp blades of the saw down cracking into the pit bulls skull. i'm telling you, the skull audibly had been cracked quite impressively. and i didn't stop. i kept hacking with all of my blood-lusty might and every bit of force and strength to drive the saw's blades harder and deeper down into the head of the attacking dog. fur flew from my blows, blood spewed and spurted from fatal stabs down into the dog's own brain. i shortly saw the pit bull's eyes go dim and roll back into her head as she was losing consciousness and life. her jaws slacked and it was just enough for my YaYa to split and dart inside of the house for cover. i stayed outside. with the saw. i hacked down the dog's head into a broken and bleeding nightmare. i was met with wet, gushing sounds of pulp splitting, and the sounds of skeletal stability being ruined. i reached back way overhead and made quick work of mutilating the head of my former pet. she went still with blood pouring from her misshapen eyes in her gruesomely and warped shape of what was remaining of her cranium. i hacked at her neck over and over and grunted as i partially decapitated her. i stabbed her with the saw. i heard her whimpering in the throes of her being currently murder, so i kept hacking at what was becoming a flattened stretch of bits of loose fur, bloody flesh, innards, and large pools of bright red blood.

when Animal Control arrived, the wagged their finger at me for using two guns that were not registered to me, but chucked when i told them the damned rifle was jammed anyway and i couldn't find any fucking rounds or bullets anywhere! the Sheriff pulled the cigarette that i was smoking out of my mouth and threw it away directly. "I used to smoke like a train; you ought to stop that early on, you know, little miss.!" the Sheriff and the accompanying cop laughed at my accomplishment and called me a "Tough Lady." they removed the remains and mess from my garage and suggested that i buy myself a nice, new rifle to register to myself. i'm going to comply with that.

YaYa is fine. her wound is still open. she had a drain sutured in during her surgery. God is good and let me save my puppy's life, because her jugular was completely unharmed, and the skin there is alive and will heal, so there's no need for a risky future surgery to separate her flesh and muscle from the organ in attempts to save it. she has five prescriptions: a pain reliever, a sedative, an antibiotic tablet for twice a day, a spray-on steroid for healing and cleaning, and a spray-on aluminum bandage. it makes her all shiny, and i've been calling her "Silver" for the past couple of days. she's antsy to no surprise of mine, so i had to also purchase a muzzle to strap onto her snout after her sedative calms her down in order to apply her daily sprays to the wounded areas without risking some painful bites. i've even mastered the art of using a leash effectively to lasso around her middle (she has no neck suitable for a collar to go around), for walks and such. i love my baby YaYa. we take our medicine at the same time together, and both of our mix of medications has increased our appetites. she has been my partner for several midnight snacks and second lunches and the like. she, with her sparkly silver aluminum bandage sprayed onto her neck and her surgically inserted drainage tool, is lying on Momma's (my) bed right now suffering no pain, just the annoyance with her plastic drainage tool getting in her face and pissing her off. she's content and tiredly loving my pets and rubs. she kisses me in the mouth as she has always done. she still rushes at my two cats just to knock them over when they invade her territory (she's still a spoiled, Tough bitch). she's my baby. and she's alive.
(end of my Amazonian warrior woman blood-lust attack of rage with multiple weapons tale that i like to brag about)

• oh, and my dearest "Claytoris" and i are having so much fun together:

• and look at my new calendar! it's March (for me, and for you, and for Kagome, and for InuYasha in Feudal Japan)!

any InuYasha nerds besides yours truly?

• and this is my second mention of this awesomeness! i have a brand-new and fully functional Google Voice Number!

absolutely without charge (unless you happen to be International, outside of the USA) and with all of the freedom and familiarity as with any other telephone, you may call me to chat, listen to my charming, thick accent during my voicemail greeting, leave me a silly voicemail message laughing about said thick-ish Southern accent, and even send me an SMS txt message! if not connecting to me via the widget, then the number directly to my line is: (601) 871-0635 ahhh! exciting and SO cool! cookies to the one who leaves the funniest voicemail or txt message! 

!!!squeal!!!

Violently Happy Evidence: cherry and her Mister S.

to be, to be!

Magic -- sxc.hu

i've got my wretched Lady Days. a friend of mine of any length unfortunately knows that i always readily divulge such details. and quite regularly, i am not surprised at how my friends eagerly share with me and our other friends that they, too, are similarly afflicted. kind of like that time when we all talked about our vaginas. that's right, You! i didn't forget! we share stories about us crying, yelling, being gassy, and just plain ole acting like a bitch to anyone within a yard's radius of us. we should all count it as luck to be separated from one another via monitor screen and such at times.

i've been a bloated mess, but i feel unusually inspired to play around in my digitally-created world. i've been catching up with all of you, smiling at your stories, laughing at your pictures... i swear it's been something painful as missing a best friend.

so, "To be, or not to be?" as with the question of Hamlet's inaction. i am being active in today. Kotex has done a lovely job with their marketing of products. at the store from which i was purchasing them, the cashier forgot to ring me up for my tampons and liners, she left them at the back of the belt. the man in line behind me pointed it out to my cashier, and she apologized, but i would have none of it. i had forgotten my things also! i laughed it off heartily saying that i was ready to pay for them at her convenience; and besides, they surely didn't belong to the man behind me! the whole line laughed, and my positive mood was catching like flu.

right now, i'm listening to my Pandora station. it's full of Placebo (of course, you know me), Muse, Interpol, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, etc. it's divine. and that "bit" older man in the picture in the last post happens to love my taste in music--and just about everything. "I don't mean to rush things here, BUT we should totally get married tomorrow and have babies--just saying..." his words. haha, but God knows i'd never blindly step into ANOTHER proposal again. and by the way, last year's Valentine's Day, i found myself at the end of an engagement to a man whom i childishly loved with EVERYTHING inside of myself. and this year, the day right after Valentine's Day, i find myself on a hot date with a man who says that he sees "another engagement happening." oh, my! i do not lie when i remark on how marvelously "must-have" i am. and haven't i told you that before?

ah, Pandora has just played "Obstacle 1" by Interpol. just, YES. my hair is silky straight and shiny. and i have managed a few, long, blonde streaks into my natural bob. i'm excited for my date tomorrow. i hate to date myself unnecessarily. but the man is a 30 year old who has taught at the same junior high and high schools that my brothers went to. and he's best friends with my high school Calculus teacher's husband. this is both weird and not. 30 is not too old for me. indeed, i still have a pair of shiny, black pumps hiding over a 28 year old Doctor B's apartment over in River City after i left them one weekend. ah, i'm bad!

while i'm still fueled with my vitamins, better diet, less smoking, and new medicines from my doctor, i'll resume catching up with all of you, my lovely dolls. and if you've noticed that i haven't been by to check on you in a while, it might be because i have an incorrect link, or don't have one at all. "Follow" my blog and be sure that your profile is linked to a current, active link to you. or comment below to fill me in. i am ever amazed at my growing Followers list and your lovely, encouraging reviews of appreciation. peek them at the top right in the sidebar. and, of course, i can't wait to meet some more of my friends to have a blast with! i'll be right here for y'all. with glitter confetti and poetry. make my day, and watch me make yours.

"Goodnight, sweet ladies, goodnight." i think that this is Shakespeare also--Hamlet, even. Ophelia? or maybe it is from Romeo and Juliet. hmmm.

*and have you peeped my most recent addition to my viewer content? (most recently added is my very massive and extended, self-help gift of an article for you, "Being Happy, Feeling Good -- Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!" originally Premium Content, i gladly decided to offer it freely!)*

i miss y'all!!! KIM, LIZ, ESTERA, ALL!!! xoxo
and from what i've been reading, some of y'all have had some very envy-inducing Valentine's Days! Lucky Ones! i'm jealous :-D 
glitter confetti and love poems,

i haven't been to a pub in a while, i'm proud to say. i'm pleased to say that karaoke was HILARIOUS and i danced with some hot man. a hot man who is really good friends with my high school calculus AB teacher's husband. yeah, he's a bit older. yeah, and i told him about the time that i threatened that teacher t bleed all over myself and the seats if she didn't allow me to the bathroom when i wanted to and not a millisecond later (and threw a pen in her direction). i was such a saucy thing. and getting dressed for the night was an affair. my little fitted dress enhanced all of the nice parts (look at my boobs!), and while getting gas and smoking a cigarette, an old trucker whistled at me and asked me if my legs ALWAYS looked that good and if i had a man friend anywhere. "No, I don't have the time to give to one."

i might have had a bit too much apple cider flavored drink and serenaded my date with "Otherside" by the Chili Peppers. i liked putting my arms around his neck, and he put them there a lot too. he tickled my back with his finger. he liked my straight hair, but mentioned that he is a fan of very beautiful naturally textured hair. i teased him at a "kiss," and then i couldn't deny myself any longer and we made out (and made everyone around us uncomfortable) with smooching, biting, etc.. you know how I do it!

i drove home, under the limit of course. and i had wonderful dreams that i'll never tell anyone about.

books and dreams.

Authors Nic and David Sheff. SO much love to Nic!

hello, sweet loves of mine, sweet children of mine--Guns N Roses style, for all you rockstars.
how have things been going in your respective adventures? i sense a lag among some of you. it might be explained away with exams, or family dynamics, or environmental conditions, or just being remiss in being the awesome blogger friend of mine that you truly are.

i've been taking a passionate stance in achieving my well-being. my doctor is hilarious, in that he told me that my bed was supposed to be used for sleeping and for sex only--and THEN he fist-bumped with me! haha! my new medicines are giving me some deserved relief. i feel like i can become an even better woman than i was before, and quite easily the greatest woman alive. you can't stop me. i still have to beat men off with a stick and tell them that i'm married. the truth is that i have absolutely no room or desire to give a man a significant part in my life right now. i would just fail him, and i don't like hearing some stupid male whining to me, when i'm taking care of ME. silly little boys. this is truly the first time in my life during which i have placed romantic relationships at the very back of my mind. guess who's growing up?

and i've been having weird dreams. i dreamed that I slept with Nic Sheff, the author of the book Tweak, which is phenomenal. the dream was pretty sweet too ;-) last month it was Ryan Jennings from The Real World N.O. any more of this, and i'll run out of sheets! and speaking of the gorgeous and inspirational author Nic Sheff, i just purchased his dad's book covering his parental distress at having a son who's an addict, and it's sublime. David Sheff's Beautiful Boy is great! the dad is also really hot too. very good genes, apparently.

when i'm published soon, i would like to have a hot author husband. Nic Sheff, Christopher Rice?..

• "New Dawn Transmission" -- Nic's discontinued blog surrounding his journey of recovery. kind of disappointed that he quit... *pouts* his writing style is immediately intimate and aggressively engaging. his debut novel is an impressive submission that i find as a joy to introduce to my bookcase of motley jewels.  
• Tweak by Nic Sheff -- his debut project. i'm a fan of it. considered a young adult book despite its graphic honesty. Nic's book is written to shock and entertain while enlightening onlookers. it also warms hearts and consoles those who feel overwhelmingly alone in facing their demons of chemical dependency, mental illness, and habitual bad decisions. it engenders relief and hope among those who are too often regarded as being "lost," or even a figurative "casualty." 
• Beautiful Boy by David Sheff -- the perspective of Nic's father, David, during the season in Nic's life that was largely affected by his drug usage. i've only just bought it yesterday (after wanting to get my hands on it for about 2 months now), so i unfortunately cannot add more flowery commentary to my review. i will say that the father's submission also engenders a well-needed sense of relief and hope from those lives affected by addiction, whether directly or indirectly. also has some great statistical, chemical, and psychological commentary included and supported by his personal and direct experiences in researching.

Nic has self-image concerns, but i think that he is SUCH a beautiful man! his eyes and mouth are lovely. and after viewing some videos of some random speaking affairs of his, i think that he is absolutely passionate and loyal to those he loves. he admitted to obsessively telling people that he loved them on accident. how adorable! and he has a round and full upbringing that has made him a wise and content adult; he is quite mature. Nic Sheff knows the value of practicality, has killer taste in music, and enjoys capital-L Literature. why aren't more men made like this at home?

my grand adventure.

today is one of those mornings that wrap me in magically twinkling stars and sends me going on in awe. gaping fish-face at the overwhelming good that i am wondering about.

it feels so good to feel good, to have it confirmed that no matter what pace i go, i am heading in the right direction (which is truly saying something, because i am terrible at remembering directions. i get lost just driving home all of the time.)

i 've made some friends along this crazy adventure of mine. it's easy to love people when your spirits have a strong accord. it's easy to either say or not say that you are a mental patient with the appropriate respective conviction. it's easy to listen to Train (so glad that this band came back so strongly!) or the Goo Goo Dolls alone in the early, early morning.

"So darling, what you are discovering, is that older, sophisticated, handsome, humorous and charming gentlemen, are more effective than Prozac or Effexor."

 heh, oh yes. i really do terribly muchly so like this sort of man a lot. and i'm liking myself a lot more these days, too--not that i was lacking in said department. i'm hopelessly dedicated to myself until my dying day.

faith is such a blissful word. my feelings right now are such blissful feelings. today will follow accordingly because it must. and i'm going to rise up to meet it.

perving: nocturnal emission.

i LOVE Google. i just do. Mate Kamaras looks like my theatrical blonde vampire husband from my smutty romantic musical fantasies. and, yeah--he does resemble my ex fiance. so he's ALL my type. i am equally distracted by his pants in the front and by his pants in the back. i'd ask Santa to put him under my Christmas tree, but i'd settle for any pine tree, or oak. or just about anywhere.


gotta love Rocky Horror tunes. i'm just a sweet transvestite! again: pants in the front, pants in the back. he might be gay as a maypole and a three-dollar bill, but he's still male, which is all it takes for me to perve. and he's wiggling his ass. please, God, LET HIM.


mmmmm... wait, i have to actually DO things and be involved in shit today? what is this that you speak of, this "being productive?"

HUGE TALENT; i like.

 that being said, he should totally play as Lestat in a movie or musical, or the like. he's beautiful. and he better not encounter me in a dark alley. i'm voted "Most Likely to be Arrested for Rape" among my friends.

returning with smiles.

i nearly forgot how absolutely good it feels to post here among my friends--both the old bitches and the new ones.
i got a check in the mail recently from one of my friends who makes it useless for me to have enemies. he owed me a bunch of money in parking tickets when i left my car in his care for a weekend. haha! he's such an asshole and wrote out the check in both of my names :)

Pay To: Cheniece "Cherry" Smith

 

i've been getting a lot of positive feedback from people. especially about my January 4th post on Mental Illness--namely Depression. i got a "love letter" from a guy! how cool is that? i don't have his permission to share it, so i'll try to respect him as much as possible while i do this:

"Thank you for your Jan.4 post about depression. I have been struggling

with depression and ocd since I was 13. Now I am 35 - have a family

and a job, but it is a lifelong struggle. I thought you made Some

excellent observations. On a second note, you are very beautiful and

lively. Looking at your eyes is a pleasurable as reading your content.

My blog is at ___________.blogspot.com. - don't be frightened by the

one pic of me (I was "Joker" for halloween)" -- An Awesome Guy

"OH, that makes me so happy to get positive feedback! that made me smile so big--PLUS, i'm glad that you liked my observations [and my eyes, apparently :) ] i can't wait to dive into your blog... nice Joker face, by the way! "Why So Serious????" -- Myself to Awesome Guy

this sort of thing makes me feel so good.
i have a party to go to now. can you imagine me riding around with balloons AND a dog in my car? it happened. i have to be off. catch up soon. xoxo

ciao,

not nearly dead.

i'm not dead, my loves--my doves.
rather, i've been a little human, and have fallen to being completely dull and uninspired.

until now that is!
breakups cannot stop me! car wrecks have not killed me! even having cramps will only slow me down for a couple of days... i'm immensely powerful!
and i'm busier now that i've taken the time to work on my book. imagine this: excuses to travel to Yazoo City for sight-seeing disguised as "research." easy $60 in gas last week already.

i'll be back and better than before, as goes the way with progression. give it time. i'm giving Myself time... "One heartbeat, at a time."

can't wait to catch up with you all via your respective blogs and such. be expecting a load of love and comments coming from me in your direction over the next couple of days (or so).

xoxo

random web development nocturnal emissions.

this is more for my reasoning and decision-making. but if you've been thinking about moving to your own free domain, then it's worth a looking into.

i love being fancy and progressive, so i readily housed my dear blog/lifestream at a TLD--a dot.tk. dot.tk has been around for ages, and i have used their services to rename my various projects to somethingwickedcoolivecreated.tk and the like. i love it. it's free. what's not to love?

the only thing is that you must manage to acquire at least 25 hits per three months at your new and lovely dot.tk domain. frankly and without desiring to appear like a brag (for once), this has never been hard for me to do. in fact, if i wasn't getting, or planning to get, such hits, i probably wouldn't bother with owning a domain.

at dot.tk, i have full DNS control, which only means that i get myname.tk, plus me@myname.tk email addresses, subdomains, etc. i'm thinking of paying $20 to legally own the domain and to preserve it for two years, which is not at all bad.

but, hey--co.cc does the same thing freely. as in free. no renewal fees. completely easy to understand. and get this--NO MINIMUM TRAFFIC REQUIREMENTS. it's one less thing to consider, which i completely support. you get ALL of the same perks, a domain (not a top-level one, but still very impressive appearing), email, subdomains (think about how much your friends would love for you to host them at your domain and give them a subdomain of yours!--www.yourfriend.yourdomain.co.cc), full legal rights (which dot.tk doesn't give freely), no forced ads or favicons... it's just great really.

this has been my experience with what i truly consider to be the best free methods of owning your own domain out there. with both places, you can fancily establish your web presence in a way that demands more respect, add your own favicon that shows up in bookmarks and in the address bar like i have done (see me up there?), you can truly have fun with taking the creation of your web presence to the next level.

i'm Libran, and i have an awful time with decisions. i can never make up my mind. but don't be surprised if i announce my relocation to "myawesomeblog.co.cc" soon. and i encourage anyone who is interested to consider moving to their own domains as well, even if only for the reason that it is just SO much fun to do. i'll answer any questions and offer any suggestions to you along the way. when have i ever steered you wrongly? ;-)

positively pulling...

ohmygosh! 

i keep eyeing my Followers gadget in my sidebar to the right, and i get startled and SO thrilled each time i find myself welcoming and reading the latest posts by another new friend of mine! it feels so good to make the friends that i have always wanted to make. it is so lovely for the things of my desires to be drawn unto me effortlessly... thank you, to all of my Loves--my followers. Liz, Kim, Jayla, Cass, etc (don't you dare fight each other, you are listed in no particular order). you truly are the raddest people on the planet. and thank you to the Universe for moving things into place for my benefit and for the benefit of those in my life! i get a kick out of just looking around and witnessing my magickal, positive vibrations rubbing off and transferring themselves to my friends and making big moves in the name of Love, Power, and Magick.

stick with me, and who knows what we may accomplish!

sxc.hu

i fell in love with some prose penned by one of my blogger friends, Jayla, just today. i know that i'm supposed to be waiting for her consent to share her work, but i can't fight my urge to let it flow from her, to me, and to you:

"Burst" by Jayla

I feel like I'm going to burst, because I need you

I'm not sure who you are, but I need to know soon

The waiting can't get any longer, and the temptations grow stronger each day.

Why can't they understand that I am no longer a baby, but a young woman with true feelings.

I feel like I will burst any minute, I am so filled with love, yet no one to share it with.

And when I am finally able to release that love, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

isn't that just so nice to read? it feels like being at the brink of falling upon the greatest adventure of her life so far! this hobbit does indeed go on adventures, and she could not be afraid of old, white-haired wizards coming to her door with mischief up their long sleeves. i'm a huge nerd, yes. i can completely envision Bilbo Baggins' round, little green door to his home, with a golden doorknob directly in its centre... i can photographically recall blocks of my favorite literature from memory at the appropriate moments. it is one of my quirks that i absolutely LOVE! hmmm... watching LOTR, or re-reading some of the trilogy, should be added to my agenda today. i feel inspired to get that done!

and i got the best Thank You email, ever, just yesterday from an amazing blogger whom i know in real life after i gave some of my most loving and helpful advice to her:

oh my word! I don’t even know where to begin!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the links, the advice, and especially the Love. Your email sat a smile on my face and a joy in my heart that nearly kept me awake all night. I’m violently eager to swan-dive into all these opportunities and even more to offer my wares to you.

So thank you for opening the door! And for your elaborate research into this Law of Attraction and other keys to Divinity. Your investigations are always so thorough and your zeal is sincere. I can totally tell!

that's Ka...--oops! i mean, Estera Star for you people! and she's quite the progressive and entertaining webmistress herself. she has a load of projects that she currently manages, and they're just great!

haha! i'm giggling because this post has taken up its own agenda and become an introduction/meet-up of sorts of my coolest friends. but it's bursting with good feelings pulling more good feelings unto itself. this is all that matters, really. it's the point of anything worthwhile. we all really only should be focusing on feeling our best so that we can then fully come into being our best.

"Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all Creation." -- Neville Goddard, New Thought Author

two thousand and heaven, post one.

i'm bringing in this first day of my absolute BEST YEAR YET with with flood of good feelings and abundant and imminent magic waiting to find me! this is so much more fun than being clinically depressed; i should have chosen to be happy sooner, i tell you!

i got a phone call last night from one of the two blonde Greek Adonises in my life. i might allow myself to have a gorgeous partner one day soon! he admits to being under my spell (who, me? casting a spell?..), and wants to indulge me rotten. i told him that i'm not that type of girl (the one who demands her partner to work hard and spoil her like it's necessary), and he told me that he was actually one of these guys who did that inherently for a good woman, and who said that this was a bad thing for him to do? *swoon!* old-fashioned manners get me everytime. i'm a feminist, and this is a secret of mine. i adore to be treated like a Lady...

i've been up and writing some fanfiction. i have an unhealthy obsession with Vergil Sparda of CAPCOM's Devil May Cry 3. here's the first part of Chapter 1! i'll most definitely end up posting again today. it feels so good to design and enjoy my life! life is supposed to feel good!

my holiday present to you.

i'm quite resourceful, and i'm always full of brilliant news to share with my friends. i'm so thrilled about this one--i might have outdone myself here! this is even an unimaginable very-much-desired gift for myself! i hope that any of you can find enjoyment from it (and if you can understand its worth, you surely can, and WILL)!


i'm a Deliberate Creator: i design my life. you've heard me say it that life is not happening to me, but FOLLOWING me. i study and follow the Law of Attraction and work to manifest my own desires into my life for the joy of it. Advice to Deliberate Creators is a book being shared across the Web among fellow seekers, and even those just beginning to take the trip inside to this personal, magickal world. i refer to the practice of this substance in excess, and there are innumerable references sprinkled throughout my posts. but i have not gone about explicitly teaching and outlining this precious and beneficial approach to enjoying life like never before. this book seems to be a handy jewel of an inspirational tool and resource full of advice to remember when anyone goes about the work of manifestation via the Law of Attraction.

in other words, perfect the art of manifesting and getting exactly what you want to be, do, and have in your life through this ancient Universal Law! read this book, take notes, and study how to get your Loves to rendezvous with you as mine do with me! i'm definitely beginning to read it now. it's a wonderful, free resource, and i very much recommend it being a beginning step towards making magick with your own life. do look into it and let me know all of the wonderful things that you create and manifest for yourself!

• here's a "Sneak Peek" at some of the treasures waiting freely within for you to indulge in:

1. Notice when you feel good and realize the more you appreciate those moments the more they will occur. 

2. See what it takes to make yourself feel good again and learn to do that more and more and easier and easier. 

3. Not feeling good can mean so many good things. Let go of those moments softly and gently, they are there to teach. 

4. The universe is fully intent on you, loves you and supports you right or wrong (if there is wrong). Think of it as an intimate friend that grants wishes. 

5. You will change; go through stages-because of this. Immerse yourself in loving yourself unconditionally and be with those who also love you no matter what.  

-- Brian

• read/get/download it (freely!) HERE! Happy Holidays! go ahead and share it yourself; keep the positive energy cycling!

sources: The Good Vibe Blog

young heart & blue eyes, free tonight!

MERCY! i love looking at me some pretty blue eyes and pink lips! think my date liked this?

GLAMOURBOMB! 

it's about TIME and time again for this Momma (wait, i don't have any babies--just a bad, bad puppy, thank God) to start having fun like before: after the most serious breakup of my life thus far, and being uncomfortably busy with school, work, and plain ole being responsible in general, i've been so wound up in things that don't feel like a Saturday afternoon massage, if you can understand me. so i put on my discounted, purple little Wet Seal dress, slapped on some mark. makeup (that i used to sell! okay, i just bought it all for myself) with my best skill, and fit on my newest wig for a night out at a restaurant sitting across from a 6 foot plus tall blonde Adonis from Baton Rouge, LA. he is so hot! and so charming! but i didn't kiss him; i restrained myself from assaulting the unsuspecting older man. he's got a few years (and several, several inches,and a Master's Degree) on me, and the chemistry was unbeatable. thick to the point of nearly being visible. i couldn't have penned something better in story. i am so thrilled and excited to see how the Universe can work with my desires surrounding this! i hope i have a reason to get back on the NuvaRing! condoms are not my preferred method. shhh!

pretty woman, for sure!

ahhh, maybe we'll ride four wheelers in the mud in Forest next time. or see a movie and have wine upstairs by a fire at his house... oh, YEAH-- he insisted on a next time. did i already explain that he is a very smart man? i'm done bragging for now. but feeling good with high energy is the way to get the Universe moving with you in your desired direction, so i'll go crow to some family members now. my mommy is already down my back asking for every detail. she's so adorable. i love her more than most anything and she's the best friend i've ever had--PLUS, she gave me some super high-quality genes with Dad's help. this is the best type of inheritance, if you ask my opinion. i always tell beautiful women just how beautiful that i think that they are, and i got my fair share of returned compliments just tonight, boy!

will i be single for my new adventures too?

i don't care if any of my exes are kicking themselves (which they are). i don't care about any other woman. i'm simply pumping gallons of energy into my own fairytale of a life and riding all good feelings as far as they can take me. this is all about me. because if i'm not the absolutely best woman that i can be, then i'm absolutely no good to anyone, or anything else! if i put so much energy into loving myself first and feeling my best, then everything else deliciously falls into place: i won't need to find anything extraneous to take the place of being personally grounded. even when i have been heartbroken or depressed in the past, i've never been a girl to rebound into some condition out of desperation. i've stayed single for years. i didn't carry around with me a fear of missing out on something. because, you know what? i've got it all already. and other people can sense that, and then the correct, deserving people will enter into my sphere and rendezvous with me appropriately. in example: Larry, Andrew, Antonio... they're all GONE. vamoose! seriously, with this high of excitement, joy, and giddyness, i am mentally sending each evil, all-wrong ex of mine to Hell. each enemy of mine can have her fill of hating me while i offer them no energy (except in sending them to Hell and declaring just how much that i don't need them--they need ME to hate and fill the void in THEIR lives!). i am high-fiving myself! i am thanking my mother for taking hot pictures of me and giving me the best tested and tried first date advice! i am thanking Cosmo magazine for their tip on pairing a sexy party dress with a cropped biker jacket! i am thanking my job for allowing me to make awesome tip money enough to buy the glamorous, new wig that i am donning! i am thanking the Waffle House on I55 North for being short of servers and scoring me (or, actually one of my brothers who need the money more) an invitation to apply for the job tomorrow at 7! DAMN! do you want some of this magic that i have earned and created for myself?! i am mentally sending it out in waves in YOUR direction, if you so desire to smile as infectiously large as i am on tonight!

and he ended our tryst with a big, lovely hug and a "You smell SO good!" and a "If we're being candid, you have a lovely, lovely smile. You are now etched in my thoughts... for better or worse. Hopefully better." now, that's what i'm talkin 'bout! 

my friends, i am back. i cannot wait to catch back up with all of you. and you better have some good news for me to celebrate with you about! see you then, my loves. 

Big Love your way, 

respite after good news and vampires.

i trust that the holidays are enjoyable for all of us. i just know that they are the most fun ever to be had. i'm talking West Beach Inn in Atlanta, GA type of fun perhaps!

i Love having and keeping my lovely, not-so-little lifestream here! i get so much joy from maintaining it! dot.tk is truly a jewel of a resource; i'll never pay for an expensive dot.com when what i have is free, co.cc and the like are free, and dot.info's are so much less expensive and just as good as dot.com. and i LOVE that there is a True Blood marathon running on HBO right now; i swear, Momma hasn't heard anything that i've been telling her since it began, even after i bought her a book that she had been wanting for a while today! but i can understand. this is one contemporary vampiric sphere who's take i actually don't detest. i am quite enthralled really. and it doesn't hurt that the filming has been done here in Mississippi--and that Bill is gorgeous!

i have a date on the 30th with a gorgeous older man with a Master's Degree: he's tall, blonde, has wide shoulders, large forearms, big hands, amazing blue eyes, and a great pink mouth, and a rugged handsomeness about him. and he's old-fashioned, yet cultured and refined, and a completely interesting gentleman. wow! i'm so good at giving away compliments! i should give some to myself more frequently. and i've come a very long way from the boys that i used to give my time to. i'll only say that they left too much to be desired, and that as a grown woman, i am enjoying the company of all of my established, male friends. i've even dated a 28 year-old Doctor from "River City" for a while! i laugh when i think about what i have left behind in the dust, and i laugh some more when i daydream about what i am arriving upon with every new day. i Love my Life! and who wouldn't?!

and it seems that i have made some people uncomfortable, angry, embarrassed, or unsettled from what i've been posting. and i never needed the proof, but it is blatantly confirmed that i am absolutely doing many, many things correctly. that i am. thank you for reminding me and proving it for yourself after your own experimentations born from your own so "precious" resources donated in my direction. and it justly has no emotional resonance within me. my hit counter is to blame--but then again, it cannot track what was not there to be read and counted. c'est la vie. there has to be a sense of openness adopted by someone who enters the Web. if there's anything to hide, or password-protect, or mollify, then keep away. i've got nothing to hide. in fact, i feel like i'm the best prepared student at a Show and Tell session. i'm always only bragging/crowing about my magickal life all of the time. 

i'm missing True Blood right now! i've just GOT to get back to it! between the show, my desktop wallpaper, and remnants from my imminent PM meditation, i'm going to have sweet dreams. and speaking of sweet, i feel like i'm getting closer to actually quitting smoking! switching to an unattractive flavour really has turned me off (somewhat). i'll keep track of my progress with that.

rampage of appreciation!

ahhh! i feel so FULL-of-Love today. even after crying last night. you know--i cry so much more readily at the things flowing from beauty than i do for anything else. go ahead and try to make me cry; it just means that i'm falling in Love with you.

i'm blogging for pleasure, not for pressure; and, i support all the ladies (and occasional man who finds himself here) who do the same in their own lives. you rock so much! i Love it!

whoever said to "let a fever run its course" is on my Hit List. OH, i WILL murder you... you see, even if this resonates as all kinds of Truth in my very scientific mind, i am still a little off from appreciating it. my breath has that universal, disgusting tinge to it in the back of my throat, which is a gift from the bacteria of having a virus. i don't have a fever (thank Godforce), but my body is still warm (and not from energy manipulations). my tummy hurt all last night from being full of swirling flu violence. i yelled at my mommy and cried while i was dizzily walking into walls and tripping over animals.

please take hand sanitizer with you on all of your adventures this season! Victoria's Secret and Bath & Bodyworks have the cutest travel-sized anti-bacterial--and they always seem to be on sale (i should know) AND they smell like all kinds of divinity!

i am lining up my energy for not only work today, but for the entire day itself. with enough focus, i can almost mold my existence as from clay--but i prefer my life to meet me halfways. it makes for more of an adventure. i am practicing Loving more and more frequently. i am gathering an arsenal of things i Love for the next 30 days, and using this in my Creative Workshop, or my Life Laboratory, to overhaul my life even further. read: meditate my ass off with more realistic visualizations to aid in the effectiveness.

• i Love everyone whom i have added to my Google Reader: i can't wait to read and comment on all of your newest posts! it's a date! we will rendezvous then.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?
wouldn't it be nice if i could forget that i have a cold? wouldn't it be nice if my multivitamin had superpowers? wouldn't it be nice if i remembered that I have superpowers? wouldn't it be nice if used my meditation time like Clark Kent uses a telephone booth? wouldn't it be nice if i could get away with doing no laundry today? wouldn't it be nice if i had a lot more fun that i expected today?

pets put me into my Vortex.

my huge Grecian Goddess' Magickal Hideaway

the house is so gorgeous and makes good use of the abundant space--i felt so inspired to photograph the front entrance from the inside. hanging out by the pillars make me feel like i'm a monarch, or even a deity, in my own sacred, Grecian haven. see a bit of our Xmas tree? the dogs were playing Tug  underneath it yesterday and sent several ornaments dropping and rolling across the floors. fun! i love the furry fam. they're lots of trouble and difficult to manage. but i wouldn't give up the look of love directed towards me when the 100+ lb German Shepherd puppy, Sierra, comes bounding quickly down a hallway to tackle me painfully to the stone floor and attack me with sopping "kisses" and huge, benign bites of affection. and then there's the kitty litter box--i actually don't know why Mr. Motzy and Mr. Minx refuse to do all of their business outside when they're away from home. feline excrement smells awfully of ammonia, and i'm simply tired of it after more than a decade of experiencing it in different acts of my life.

meditation has missed finding me for the past two days, but i feel extremely good about changing this tonight! my experience has no choice but to be augmented into a miraculous auric breakthrough considering my recent dedication to researching the properties of each of the seven chakras, and beautiful visualizations to use and leave me drenched and sopping from vital energy infusion! climactic awareness and experience of allowing the wisdom of infinite consciousness to flow through me... sounds a bit dirty! MMMMmmm, sexy!

Wouldn't It Be Nice?...

mah big, beautiful, furry family!

wouldn't it be nice if i could vibrate stronger when it comes to being productive about my meditations? wouldn't it be nice if meditating tonight left me with the unconscious solutions to my conscious difficulties (which are becoming fewer and fewer in number)? wouldn't it be nice if i slept like a baby tonight? wouldn't it be nice if my throat stopped hurting? wouldn't it be nice if J. could get to feeling better too, so we can meet up for what could be a "date?" wouldn't it be nice if tonight was filled with as much as is possible considering the bunch that lives here? wouldn't it be nice if Yaya played by herself or with Sierra so that I could handle some of my duties? wouldn't it be nice to fit in a trip to the bank tomorrow effortlessly? wouldn't it be nice to leave tonight and enter tomorrow morning on a high vibration and with the most beautiful feelings? wouldn't it be nice if i never stopped saying thank you?