to be, to be!

Magic -- sxc.hu

i've got my wretched Lady Days. a friend of mine of any length unfortunately knows that i always readily divulge such details. and quite regularly, i am not surprised at how my friends eagerly share with me and our other friends that they, too, are similarly afflicted. kind of like that time when we all talked about our vaginas. that's right, You! i didn't forget! we share stories about us crying, yelling, being gassy, and just plain ole acting like a bitch to anyone within a yard's radius of us. we should all count it as luck to be separated from one another via monitor screen and such at times.

i've been a bloated mess, but i feel unusually inspired to play around in my digitally-created world. i've been catching up with all of you, smiling at your stories, laughing at your pictures... i swear it's been something painful as missing a best friend.

so, "To be, or not to be?" as with the question of Hamlet's inaction. i am being active in today. Kotex has done a lovely job with their marketing of products. at the store from which i was purchasing them, the cashier forgot to ring me up for my tampons and liners, she left them at the back of the belt. the man in line behind me pointed it out to my cashier, and she apologized, but i would have none of it. i had forgotten my things also! i laughed it off heartily saying that i was ready to pay for them at her convenience; and besides, they surely didn't belong to the man behind me! the whole line laughed, and my positive mood was catching like flu.

right now, i'm listening to my Pandora station. it's full of Placebo (of course, you know me), Muse, Interpol, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, etc. it's divine. and that "bit" older man in the picture in the last post happens to love my taste in music--and just about everything. "I don't mean to rush things here, BUT we should totally get married tomorrow and have babies--just saying..." his words. haha, but God knows i'd never blindly step into ANOTHER proposal again. and by the way, last year's Valentine's Day, i found myself at the end of an engagement to a man whom i childishly loved with EVERYTHING inside of myself. and this year, the day right after Valentine's Day, i find myself on a hot date with a man who says that he sees "another engagement happening." oh, my! i do not lie when i remark on how marvelously "must-have" i am. and haven't i told you that before?

ah, Pandora has just played "Obstacle 1" by Interpol. just, YES. my hair is silky straight and shiny. and i have managed a few, long, blonde streaks into my natural bob. i'm excited for my date tomorrow. i hate to date myself unnecessarily. but the man is a 30 year old who has taught at the same junior high and high schools that my brothers went to. and he's best friends with my high school Calculus teacher's husband. this is both weird and not. 30 is not too old for me. indeed, i still have a pair of shiny, black pumps hiding over a 28 year old Doctor B's apartment over in River City after i left them one weekend. ah, i'm bad!

while i'm still fueled with my vitamins, better diet, less smoking, and new medicines from my doctor, i'll resume catching up with all of you, my lovely dolls. and if you've noticed that i haven't been by to check on you in a while, it might be because i have an incorrect link, or don't have one at all. "Follow" my blog and be sure that your profile is linked to a current, active link to you. or comment below to fill me in. i am ever amazed at my growing Followers list and your lovely, encouraging reviews of appreciation. peek them at the top right in the sidebar. and, of course, i can't wait to meet some more of my friends to have a blast with! i'll be right here for y'all. with glitter confetti and poetry. make my day, and watch me make yours.

"Goodnight, sweet ladies, goodnight." i think that this is Shakespeare also--Hamlet, even. Ophelia? or maybe it is from Romeo and Juliet. hmmm.

*and have you peeped my most recent addition to my viewer content? (most recently added is my very massive and extended, self-help gift of an article for you, "Being Happy, Feeling Good -- Going from Clinical Depression to Having the Midas Touch in Your Regal Life!" originally Premium Content, i gladly decided to offer it freely!)*

i miss y'all!!! KIM, LIZ, ESTERA, ALL!!! xoxo
and from what i've been reading, some of y'all have had some very envy-inducing Valentine's Days! Lucky Ones! i'm jealous :-D 
glitter confetti and love poems,

vibrational conditioning session.

i am going to do the homework necessary to my journey. i am going to put in the effortless labour necessary to condition and raise my emitted vibrations! i am NOT going to freak all out because classes resume tomorrow AND i have to work the night shift at the restaurant. hmph. i should probably repeat that last statement out loud a few times...

i adore having my own, little domain to call home! it's so cool that it has an unusual and uncommon suffix! i like being unique and memorable. i like having a place to design my sanctuary. i like remembering and more fully coming into being my higher, greater self!

i like pretty men! i like gorgeous MEN! i love large forearms. i like blue eyes. i like pale skin. i like tallness. i like blonde hair. i especially love blonde hair when i'm wearing it. i like that i change up my appearance so often! and now i'm returning to my love for beautiful men. i love Billy Idol, Vergil Sparda, Gabriel Aubry, Michael Jackson, Legolas, Ville Valo, i could wax forever like a pervert. i love that i am such a big pervert! i love that i am shameless about my kinks, i mean, my quirks!

i love my mommy. i love it that she is bringing my big, grown ass some hot food to eat because i have a cold! i love that i am putting my depression behind me and continuing to pay money that i don't have to finish university! i love feeling proud of myself! i love studying science and being enthralled humbled by infinite knowledge. 

i love reading. i love romance. i love that i deleted my online dating profile because i refuse to give my attention to an absence of Love in my life! i love it that there is absolutely NO absence of Love in my life! there is never an absence of Love anywhere! we can all Allow as much of it as we would have into our lives! i like making it my mission to simply BE Love and into Allow it to filter into my experience freely, uninhibited, like a flood, and abundantly. open the floodgates!

i love making money at my job to do, be, and to have the things that i Love! i love it that i truly AM the very best waitress you know.

i love that saying Thank You just ensures that i have even more to be thankful for later! i love feeling good! i love being in the Flow! i love it that things always fall perfectly into place and into perfect order when i do my only job. and my only job is to feel good! i love that i am not held apart from ANYTHING. i love letting myself become the greatest woman alive!

there! that felt SO good! my emotional conditioning homework always sends me on my way smiling and giggling. it's been a while since i have taken the time to line up my energies because i have been more focused on publishing viewer content. but i cannot forget that i am absolutely no true use to anyone if i am not centered   in being my best! who can stop me now? heh. only me. but not today! and not tomorrow, either! i am totally intending to not inhibit myself tomorrow, either! it is SO important to stand before the colossal scales of infinite Life experience and to tip them in favor of my bliss... you should do this yourself at the appropriate time. try tomorrow morning to start with... i do it several times a day, and 9 times out of 10, my life goes exactly according to my intentions! how badass am i?! no, truly--flatter me and finish making my night, darling ;-D

i love being shameless about the hot men i have dated (and water-
colored in their apartment with). yeah. he's a bit older. and a doctor.

positively pulling...

ohmygosh! 

i keep eyeing my Followers gadget in my sidebar to the right, and i get startled and SO thrilled each time i find myself welcoming and reading the latest posts by another new friend of mine! it feels so good to make the friends that i have always wanted to make. it is so lovely for the things of my desires to be drawn unto me effortlessly... thank you, to all of my Loves--my followers. Liz, Kim, Jayla, Cass, etc (don't you dare fight each other, you are listed in no particular order). you truly are the raddest people on the planet. and thank you to the Universe for moving things into place for my benefit and for the benefit of those in my life! i get a kick out of just looking around and witnessing my magickal, positive vibrations rubbing off and transferring themselves to my friends and making big moves in the name of Love, Power, and Magick.

stick with me, and who knows what we may accomplish!

sxc.hu

i fell in love with some prose penned by one of my blogger friends, Jayla, just today. i know that i'm supposed to be waiting for her consent to share her work, but i can't fight my urge to let it flow from her, to me, and to you:

"Burst" by Jayla

I feel like I'm going to burst, because I need you

I'm not sure who you are, but I need to know soon

The waiting can't get any longer, and the temptations grow stronger each day.

Why can't they understand that I am no longer a baby, but a young woman with true feelings.

I feel like I will burst any minute, I am so filled with love, yet no one to share it with.

And when I am finally able to release that love, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

isn't that just so nice to read? it feels like being at the brink of falling upon the greatest adventure of her life so far! this hobbit does indeed go on adventures, and she could not be afraid of old, white-haired wizards coming to her door with mischief up their long sleeves. i'm a huge nerd, yes. i can completely envision Bilbo Baggins' round, little green door to his home, with a golden doorknob directly in its centre... i can photographically recall blocks of my favorite literature from memory at the appropriate moments. it is one of my quirks that i absolutely LOVE! hmmm... watching LOTR, or re-reading some of the trilogy, should be added to my agenda today. i feel inspired to get that done!

and i got the best Thank You email, ever, just yesterday from an amazing blogger whom i know in real life after i gave some of my most loving and helpful advice to her:

oh my word! I don’t even know where to begin!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the links, the advice, and especially the Love. Your email sat a smile on my face and a joy in my heart that nearly kept me awake all night. I’m violently eager to swan-dive into all these opportunities and even more to offer my wares to you.

So thank you for opening the door! And for your elaborate research into this Law of Attraction and other keys to Divinity. Your investigations are always so thorough and your zeal is sincere. I can totally tell!

that's Ka...--oops! i mean, Estera Star for you people! and she's quite the progressive and entertaining webmistress herself. she has a load of projects that she currently manages, and they're just great!

haha! i'm giggling because this post has taken up its own agenda and become an introduction/meet-up of sorts of my coolest friends. but it's bursting with good feelings pulling more good feelings unto itself. this is all that matters, really. it's the point of anything worthwhile. we all really only should be focusing on feeling our best so that we can then fully come into being our best.

"Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all Creation." -- Neville Goddard, New Thought Author

raise your glass!

"Speaking of Joy" by Marie Elliott

raise your glass--to yourself!

i was noticing my growing number of followers, and i got put into a dancing mood after commenting over at cassidy's space. she's the newest addition here at our quaint, little club of raving and good feelings. and you truly have a fierce grasp on this whole Life thing, lady cass! go you! everyone else should stop by and leave a bunch of love letters for her, too.

isn't it just lovely that Life can feel SO good? even if you aren't in that place for yourself (yet), you can't help but notice the magick that other people whom you might admire are making in their own lives, and thus believe in the power of truly being Alive and rocking your own existence. woo! it just gets me so much more fired up about being the best woman alive when i see other ladies doing it!

"your life is supposed to feel good. are you allowing it to be so?" 

when i took full responsibility for my experiences in my Life, i felt freedom for the first time. i took upon myself as my only job to be in complete control, not of external conditions, but of my reactions and my emotions. happiness is hardly about circumstances and genetics. it's more about our actions. and if you believe in the Law of Attraction at all, which you should, then this is just compounded and augmented.

"that which is like unto itself is drawn." this is the Law of Attraction/Law of Love. it is the basis of most religions and spiritual beliefs. there is a reason that love has been enthusiastically embraced and faithfully held on to since the beginning of Time itself. and that is because the more you emit love, the better your life becomes. and guess what? you have an unlimited supply of love to give ;-)

imagine this: you have a big wish. you have this one desire, and you absolutely are in love with the idea of it. you dream about it and daydream about it. you imagine what it would be like if it were already yours... and then you get it. haha! this is exactly the way life can work for you--if you know how to harness your latent abilities to go with the flow of the Universal Laws! we can fly in airplanes by not changing gravitational laws, but by working in harmony with them, right? make it your new mission to do the same with love in your own life. you truly can manifest your heart's desire right before your eyes--even in real time--if you are strong and focused enough. this is why i choose to lifestream; it's a method of powering up my good thoughts and feelings and focusing them on what i want, because then the positive pops up into my reality. a majority of the time, my life goes just as i intend it to go because i have trained my mind, and thus, designed my life to bring me my happiness! 

it's simple: spend your time loving things, and what you love is magnified in your life. spend your time resisting love and not allowing it, and you experience negative conditions. this is really the most important thing that i have learned. it's magnetic and pulling. it is real. love is an energy that moves in waves and currents, unseen just like electromagnetism.

and while i currently don't teach the Law of Attraction here at Rousing Venus, i AM a large enthusiast, and i have tons of resources. why not give it a good looking into--if only because it is the key to having everything you want, and creating and living the life of your dreams! imagine infinite joy and all of your wishes coming true. spiritual leaders and founders have taught that our lives can be abundant and blessed because this is a real possibility. an amazing life just doesn't belong to the people that we aspire to be. it can be yours right now--IF you know how to go about acquiring it. it is my business to live this phenomenon in my own life, and to enlighten you on awakening and wielding this latent magickal power of yours. 

• Jessica Mullen (she has such a grasp on manifesting her desires and proves it in her lifestream, and she teaches how to do it for yourself! she even began a School of Life Design for you to complete to more fully know how to wield this latent magickal power of yours!)
• The Secret and The Power (i'm sure that you have heard of these phenomenal books that are sweeping the world for a very, very good reason; it's not such a big "secret!")
• Jetta Vegas  (she also is a Seeker and a good teacher; her blog is full of the proof)

it is a major mission of mine to create for myself the life of my dreams and to feel like the greatest woman alive. and i post with the intention of my readers being encouraged and  finding the emotional resonance within themselves to do the same thing.  

productivity while walking the black dog.

i like smiling.

Sir Winston Churchill really has my heart, as he is noted for not only suffering with depression, but also for being a remarkable person despite still having to do what he called "walking the black dog."

if you know anything about me, there are some things that appear at the forefront: i'm quite tiny. i have a weird attraction to wigs when my real hair can be glamorous. i draw on my eyebrows with expertise. i love animals and books to the extreme. i have tried to dislike the color pink to avoid its connotations and failed time and time again. did i already mention my book collection?.. you should really see it; it really is impressive and pretty cool, too!..

what is also probably the saddest attribute that any living person can unfortunately find themselves expressing is that of depression--and that has been my tragedy for more than half of my life. depression is an umbrella term spanning an entire, gloomy spectrum of what in many cases becomes an all-too-real "disability" even. it really irks me when my own mother wasn't approved for Social Security benefits for her debilitating battle with depression that was handicapping her, and inhibiting her experiencing life. it is very much a "disorder." you cannot just "snap out of it." would someone who is autistic or M.R. be told to just "get over" their mental condition? not at all. and believe you me, i've run the gamut of trying to leave my dark secret behind, trying to forget it, only to be reminded that i am only human, and even if i am wearing Wonder Woman panties, i still need some help from time to time.

the reality here in our time-space experience is that even those afflicted with a mental condition such as depression can find themselves being swept up by the tides of an overwhelming and very consuming force of today's demanding life. the world does not stop turning and rotating, the days just keep coming, opportunities do not wait, and nothing is owed to you, or even offered your way very easily. and those who are not in a healthy state of mind, and who honestly cannot help that about themselves, often find themselves conquered and run over by this bittersweet run of progressing life. it can be so utterly painful that your feelings become even too sore for tears. and i won't even mention the darkest sides of this pain--the places that can lead to self-medicating, drug abuse, self-harm, and suicide. i'll only say that i have been blessed to find myself on the opposite side of this scale for the most part--no matter how much i have found myself hurting. yes, hand clap to myself! APPLAUSE!

and while i still have to work to not succumb to my lurking, dark feelings threatening to pull me under, i've realized that in order to really do this thing called living, i had take full responsibility for my experience here on Earth no matter what hand i have been dealt. i am not the only woman, by far, who has to carry some less-than-splendid loads around with her for much of her life. and in my recognizing this and my pockets being empty from my break from working, i just HAD to get back on the horse. nothing was being handed to me, everyone else had their own crises to contend with, and i had so much that i genuinely wanted to acquire for my life to make it all worthwhile. heh--i was still very sick and i had to get a job, all while walking that black dog of mine.

i had been working full-time (even in high school) because my mother is a disabled nurse who cannot provide as she used to, and because i'm a grown-ass woman who contributes when she can! with my little brothers in school, it's usually me who doing to providing. lots of people don't know this about me! my life is not all magick spells and love stories! it gets quite hard at times... and there are several valuable life lessons that i have learned about staying afloat from my full past of work experience. it has helped me stay afloat not only at different businesses, but also just from the day-to-day pulling of life's currents.

1. the reason people work is largely because they "have to." it's hardly ever falls to what is the easiest, most desirable thing. if you start to look at life as being full of things that you "have to" contend with, then it becomes easier to digest: you "have to" get out of bed and go about doing things. you really "have to" shower and take care of yourself. you "have to" be alive and here right now for whatever worthwhile reasons that keep you going. and it's very important that you find those reasons!
2. it gets easier with practice. remember how good you got at your last job after only a couple of weeks following the routine? remember how nervous you were on your first day compared to your feeling of relaxed expertise that you had later? life works exactly like that to. put in the time and the effort, and your progress will become apparent to you and those around you. and it gets easier, and it gets to feeling good!
3. distractions are lovely. anything to get you out of your mind in such  robotic, monotonous ways is such a relief! at my desk job, i had framed pictures of my family and my dumb-ass friends. i always used a pretty, pink pen. i loved to surround myself with live flowers and bright colors to remind myself of beautiful things which exist in abundance in our wide world, if i only took it upon myself to look. you can do this with the rest of your life too--spruce it up. inject your life with some vitality. we all know that just because you're alive, doesn't mean that you're living. research some new music. buy some chic clothes from the thrift store. start a walking circle in your neighborhood. get in your car and drive around town for no reason other than seeing the scenery outside and to be seen out in the world! i call this phenomenon "ornamenting" you life. light it up like Xmas lights. flash, flash, motherfuckers.
4. it all goes on, and you have to get what you can acquire. at work, it's a paycheck, or a check and tips for me right now. my job doesn't need me or owe me anything, however. i am putting myself in the situation to where i can benefit. i want the money and benefits, so i offer my labour. the job doesn't need me and will go on if i never show my face on there again--i can be replaced. it's rather harsh, but living is a lot like that too. the world's only job is to go on. it doesn't have to shine a ray of light only onto you. if you sleep your life away in bed, the seasons keep coming. there is however some beauty to this which makes for one amazingly bittersweet experience. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. we have all of the power in the world only over ourselves. we can choose to restrain ourselves just as easily as choosing our freedom. we can live while choosing to remain open to the beautiful, wonderful things that life can send in our direction. and the more of this you notice, the more it occurs. we can love as much as we can (which is an infinite amount), and harness the greatest power in the world! this alone, actually, is the purpose of life to many religious groups for plenty good reason. while harnessing love, all of the power in the world belongs to you. the more love you emit, the more your own, personal life is nourished and the more beautiful your own experience becomes. try to make your life as brilliant as it can possibly be... it's all up to you to choose that path--depression, mania, OCD, autism, whatever. now that feels good.

the bottom line is that at the end of it all, what you get out of your experience is only ever up to you. if you have a crappy life, you really can only blame yourself. it is never your parents' or your ex boyfriend's fault. conditions and environments are not your prison. they are a given. make your circumstances a springboard! and if it's any help, think of all of the other people who are on a similar journey and who have not given up, like me! give yourself a reason to smile again. of course the work begins inside, and it truly does get better the more you do it. and doctors and medications do have their very important place in the scheme of things, just as they do with any other condition/ailment/affliction/boo-boo. always be the first to help yourself, and other things follow accordingly. i promise!

love and love and LOVE,

affirmations upon the new year!

a positivity card of mine--full of affirmations!

look at my card of affirmations (and commentary on HBO's True Blood series if you get closer and squint)! these are the strongest statements resonating of my growth thus far. indeed, they are quite important to me and fun to remind myself of! i knew all of these things already, and right now, i'm always only going about remembering these fantastic truths which make me a damned-near superhero. 

hmmm... if i were a superhero, who would i be? some sick little part of my mind jumps immediately to supervillain, and immediately assumes the role of Harley Quinn, Joker's (excuse me, Mistah J's) hench wench with the awful accent and jester costume. heh, good girls go to Heaven, and bad girls go everywhere!

and, let me not neglect to say,

"Happy New Year, People!"

do you have a kiss this year? i do ;-) if you don't, i'll send one your way! *smooch* two-thousand-and-eleven is two-thousand-and-heaven; it's our BEST year to date! it goes on! it goes up from here! and that's a promise.

TiLT

yeeeaah! it's Thursday and it's awesome!

• wearing slacks and an updo to look my age while acting half of my age [dancing to Steely Dan on the drive to class]
• having a productive / busy as hell life outside of my fiancé, but missing him as if i don't have one
• updo, hel-lo!
• fire alarm sounding during Biology lecture today, being dismissed, and smoking outside of the building while it was happening. hah!
• Gala Darling is definitive of her own name, and i adore it. i adore it... i want some more of it
• scarfing down Quiznos messier than my puppy Yaya would have done it
• having the love and support system required in my life without resorting to drugs, trying to get pregnant, or even actively seeking companionship and acceptance in other men or people at all: i make my own magic and then things fall into place... this is the propper order of progress
• saying the prayer that my MiMaw told me to say and watching all of my desires fall into my lap after i satisfy and acknowledge God first--not my stomach [oh, Quiznos!], not Andy, not my urge to freak out on weekend nights every now and then
• re-reading Anne Rice and smiling at all of the pages that i dog-eared six years ago
• candid pictures of my second family cleaning the bathtub at 1AM
• The Good News Network when the regular news is pulling media antics just for ratings and making me want to kill kittens
• being pretty, smart, modest, in a good mood, leader of my own life, and a real jewel to the world. are you?