no dis-ease of mine.

i really don't like to deal with jealous people. i don't like people who try and fail to manipulate my emotional health. i don't like sneaky people. i don't like hypocrites. and that's why i'm making this post--so i know exactly what type of person i don't want to be associated with. 

click to clearly see ip address, dates, destinations, and frequency
of recent visits from my dear and long-time persistent stalker friend.

i had originally intended this here lifestream of mine to remain, not private, but un-announced and very low-key. in fact, when i was designing an old header image for here, a FaceBook friend asked me for the link to my current project. i refused to share it, because i wasn't interested in outside attention because it had absolutely no significance in my life journey. i wasn't adverse to the idea of it being seen, or else i would have privatized it. but the fact remains, that if i had been seeking attention from the person who asked, or from anyone, then i would have given out my URL. but i didn't.

i logged into my counter service and found that not only was i getting popular, but i had an anonymous visitor from Belhaven University. this is very close to home, and it's also the university where the FaceBook user who asked me for my link goes to. could it be that they did some super snooping and research behind my back to look at my blog? it would be pretty hard to do, since i didn't even have my blog listed anywhere and not even linked on my profile then! i've obviously laughed about it and gone more public now, since then. this particular person used to stalk my previous blogging activities for a load of sad reasons, including to make sure that her boyfriend wasn't anywhere in my life. anytime he WAS there (and it was quite often that he decided to be), it was because he chose to. so, simply, she wasn't being satisfied at home by her man in some areas, and had to spend her time being worried about me. what a "life." NO ONE has a more significant place in my life than myself. there are no special place-holders. but i had a big place in this girl's life. and i still might, if it's her who was snooping. she sadly admitted to fear of losing her man to me, and also a sick fascination with trying to "be" me and to "top" me. this just proves to Myself how amazing that i really am. i must be, if others want my life! but this is my job, and my job only. not accepting applications. jealousy to the point of emulation is a disease. and it's something that this poor, poor soul has failed to resolve within herself.

i didn't assume what is probably true, and i commented on her blog asking about it. the comment was deleted. i asked her about it on FaceBook and got no response. i even posted this picture onto her wall, and now there is a privacy block in place. and her blog is private now. are all of these actions stemming from shame at being found out? is there a reluctance to accept her actions? i can't be bothered by it. i don't regret bringing any of it up, especially since my wishes were so obviously disregarded about a project that is in my possession. it's my right to show concern about my things if want to.

it's sad to see people not changing. it's pleasing to see how much more Well that i am when compared to them. everyone can say that it is correct to indulge so much in your OWN life, that you have no desire to be worried about the next person, but it takes a mature, strong adult to actually walk the walk. i would like to think that after all of the suffering that this person has miserably endured, that they would get the idea that their tactics do NOT work, and that they need to change already. what a tragedy.

thank you, Universe:

• i don't have a baby.
• i dumped the lousiest ex in the world.
• i don't use drugs to escape from my life because reality is too painful to face.
• i don't keep secrets or do things in the dark.
• i'm not obsessed with something outside of myself.
• nothing has a higher place in my life than myself.
• i'm not a huge hypocrite. 
• i don't have an insignificant significant other. 
• that i dumped my Stalker's husband because he wasn't man enough, and I'm absolutely thrilled to have done so.
• he begged to stay with me, would sneak and call me while his girlfriend was in class, and cry on the phone with me while he told me the sad secrets of his life. and it has absolutely no emotional resonance within me now. 
• i don't have to fist fight my lover because i'm miserable in my conditions. 
• my life is not a big joke to me everywhere i turn.
• my "husband" never talked about kicking me and his baby out on the street. and i still manage to stay by his side.
• I HAVE GOTTEN OVER THE PAST A LONG TIME AGO.

it must suck so much for your life to play out in refrain of the most painful part of your past life--day in and day out with no escape. i'm so happy that i'm not imprisoned in my past! i'm so happy that this is True and that i don't have to fake like it is, or cloud it over with drugs! i am so thankful for contrasting experiences to aid me in further knowing what it is that i DO want. i'm so thankful for such people as described above to be in my life, so i can use their mistakes and interaction to co-create an even better experience for myself. their only purpose is to help me to better visualize the life that i want and to achieve it.

i have gotten over the past a long time ago. i have triumphed through it all. if you can't be sure, just look at my life. look at what it is saying. how does your life speak of you? other people can always see it. let that always be on your mind. let it be something that's worth thinking about (or being obsessed about, like my life is).